Eagle Time

Full Version: Stop Me From Online Shopping Again
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You are AGEN. You're in the middle of a break, and you need to do something other than ONLINE SHOPPING.

For FUCKSAKES, we all know you have a JOB and DISPOSABLE INCOME now, but you're trying to save up to move to MELBOURNE.

[Budget: $300]

Giant inflatable alligator with built in wheels to escape traffic light tickets and terrify the neighbourhood old people
You hop onto www.giantinflatablealligators.snom and look at the prices for giant inflatable alligators.

Oh dear.

THE GREEN MACHINE: cup holders. pleather upholstery guaranteed to peel within one day of purchase. $50

BLUES DUES: bonus laser pointers, for wildcats. tradeoff is square wheels. $60

A YELLA BELLA: everything but the kitchen sink. kitchen sink not included. also not included is everything else. alligators don't come in yellow. throw in a towel and get bonus windscreen wipers. $70

Buy all
Realize that you ARE an alligator and buying one of your own kind disgusts you deeply
buy some kudzu for your lawn
You are now three ALLIGATORS deep. Thanks to Instant Shipping™*, delivery is a breeze**!

*not instant
**literally carried by balloons

AGEN gets the modifier +LIGATOR!

[Budget: $120]

www.kudzu.nom offers a wide range of products, but the only one within your price range is

KUDZOOKS! Pellets: Highly Invasive! Now 200% More Potent! Watch It Fight A Prickly Pear! warning may be consficated by australian quarantine. $20
>I don't understand.
>Don't buy it?
>buy one, grow more, demand refund for original
UPDATE! AGEN has just completed a SHIFT!

BUDGET +300!


AGEN gets the modifier +STONE!

Oh no! You can't decide whether or not to get the KUDZU!



Problem: [i]buy kudzu[/u]???

BONUSES: many alligators

This is too hard to make a decision on, so instead play video games until it becomes irrelevant.
!!! it's FELICIS FOGEL !!!


Fogel used VIDEO GAMES!


It's super effective!


AGEN got distracted by playing SUPER HAPPY FRIENDO PLATFORMER 3!


[BUDGET: $470]

AGEN loses +STONE modifier...

>buy in-game kudzu
go to real life store and purchase donut
oh hey look amazon sells wax nachos they're like the decorative fake apples grandma puts on the mantelpiece only nachos
Buy exactly as much land in sydney as your budget allows for, possibly 10 square centimeters.
UPDATE! AGEN has just completed a SHIFT!

BUDGET +300!

[BUDGET: $770]

DONUT has been queued for lunchtime.

You log onto amazon.nom but then you remember that they're literally evil so the wax nachos will have to be sourced elsewhere.

Realestate.nom.au sells postage-stamp sized increments of land, but in Sydney this still costs $15,000,000.95. Because housing/avocado markets be fucked yo.


AGEN gains modifier +VASIVE!

[BUDGET: $670]

>buy spear, hunt for good investments
UPDATE! AGEN has completed a SHIFT!

BUDGET +300!


[Image: 20180322_114231.jpg]

DONUT acquired! -$5

www.spears.nom has a wide selection of spears and other glaive-like polearms!

SPEAROW: an actual pokemon. will peck your eyes out. FREE with bonus pokeball

THE GREEN MACHINE: this isn't an inflatable alligator dressed up with a big aluminium foil pointy spearhead/hat. wait where did yours go $50

UNDERSTANDING: long stick with a spearhead on it. defect: bends into another dimension in the middle. also packaging damaged. $200


>Understanding market trends will be invaluable for the investment hunt
UPDATE! has completed a SHIFT!

BUDGET +300!

[BUDGET: 1365]


What's this?

Turns out this is not a STICK or a SPEAR! This is the front end of a UNICORN! With SADDLEBAGS!

You put all your money in the saddlebags.

AGEN gets modifiers:

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