The Honest Woodcutter

The Honest Woodcutter
#1
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A woodcutter and his beautiful child lived in a log cabin on the edge of a dark forest. A large river flowed through, its black currents concealing its depths.

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The woodcutter cried in alarm as he saw his child fall into the river. Rushing, he went to the riverside.

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But he was too late. The child was gone without trace, sucked into the river's currents. He knew that the death of his only offspring weighed on his shoulders: he should have been more attentive, or kept the child inside. In despair, the woodcutter cried out out for help.

WOODCUTTER: Help, someone!

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As a whirlwind of water rose, a face and limbs could be discerned. In its hands were two hunks of precious metal. This massive presence was unmistakably the god of the river.

RIVER GOD: I heard your cries mortal, and I have rescued your child from my currents. Now, was your child this gold baby, or this silver baby?

The man focused on the forms held by the god. They wriggled. They really were babies of solid gold and silver! The man was perplexed.

WOODCUTTER: No, neither of these are my baby. Please, they are of flesh and bones and blood- they look like me.

The river god sprouted a third limb, displaying the woodcutter’s child.

WOODCUTTER: Yes, yes! There they are!

The river god smiled.

RIVER GOD: A lesser man would have claimed the gold or silver baby as their own. As a reward for your honesty, I shall give you all three.

WOODCUTTER: Huh?

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The wet form of the god released, and as the loose water crashed down onto the woodcutter and flowed back into the river, not one but three children crawled at its edge.
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#2
Well shit. You're gonna need a bigger crib. Presuming that metal babies eat and sleep like normal babies?

...do any of your neighbors have metal babies? If so, ask them for metal baby parenting advice.
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#3
so, this is happening
make sure your new metal children don't try to eat your flesh child
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#4
what do metal children eat?
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#5
Well... Fleshy kids eat plants and meat things right?
Do mineral kids eat rocks and gems?

...I don't suppose we could ask the river spirit to come up and explain what we're gonna do with two mineral babies
Quiet. Good for an unusual opinion. Doesn't talk much.
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#6
Try drowning the mineral babies to get rid of them
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#7
Maybe don't resort to immediately killing babies thanks.

Do you have anyone who helped you raise the normal kid?
Yknow if you had a nanny or a dog or something you might not've ended up in this situation in the first place.
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#8
This is an opportunity. The river god has given you an army here, raise them to be might warriors and teach your neighbour what it means to return the lawnmower on time.
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#9
(07-26-2017, 02:50 AM)bigro Wrote: »This is an opportunity. The river god has given you an army here, raise them to be might warriors and teach your neighbour what it means to return the lawnmower on time.

Well, the neighbor's stuck with a useless gold lawnmower, what else is he supposed to do.
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#10
Learn from this experience. Build a fence to deter babies from crawling into rivers.
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#11
Just make cribs for now. Lots of cribs. You do not want more babies from a misguided river god.
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#12
Tell the forest god that the river god is up to his weird shenanigans again. & build that baby fence.
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#13
sell gold and silver baby. keep flesh baby
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#14
Smelt the babies into one super baby
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\☆/
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#15
Teach silver baby to trick werewolves
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invest pisscoin
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#16
>You should probably build some kinda large barier for a play pen for those babies or at leaszt let them play frter away from the river until they are older..
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#17
what if one falls in the river and you get even more babies
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invest pisscoin
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#18
throw all babies back into river, wish for titanium baby
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#19
I think the river god would understand your greedy intent & punish you if you tried to exploit the baby generation system. The first time it was an accident.
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#20
>Extoll the virtues of hard work, and not doing stupid shit.
>Accuse the river god of abandoning his babies.
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#21
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WOODCUTTER: I’m, I have.

The woodcutter recovered from his shock, scooping up the three children.

WOODCUTTER: This will never happen again.

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The woodcutter deposited the babies into the crib. He pondered the nature of the metal babies: do they eat normal foods, or minerals? Do they need to eat at all? How could he afford to feed all these mouths?

For an instant, the thought of selling the babies came to mind. It was dispelled just as quickly. They squirmed with the same innocence as the living baby, and selling a god’s gift was taboo.

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The flesh baby screamed that their space had been invaded. The metal babies shrieked in chorus, sympathising.

WOODCUTTER: *sigh*

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The woodcutter got to work building a fence, and thought of plans for a second and third crib. His labour occupied the rest of the day.

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Light dwindled, dusk approached.

The woodcutter thought of consulting the townsfolk about his new children.

WOODCUTTER: A child of gold or silver is unheard of; I can’t imagine my neighbours would understand.
WOODCUTTER: Although, I will have to pick up more food tomorrow. And possibly hire a nanny...
WOODCUTTER: I should feed my children and put them to bed. Then I’ll have time to work on a crib.

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The woodcutter turned, hearing a voice singing faintly from the river.

......... ???: ♪ Bend, river bend, river lend me your gold ♪
???: ♪ Bend, river bend, river lend me your gold ♫
......... ???: ♫ Bend, river bend, river lend me your gold ♫
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#22
>Eek! That person's going to toss a baby in the river to get gold. INTERVENTION!
>On the other hand, if you lack the inclination to even slightly strain yourself, just heckle them from afar.
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#23
"Excuse me sir, but did you know that murdering babies was evil? The gods will punish you."
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#24
>Is that... a bard?

>Nothing good ever comes from bards. Their bardish wiles always leads to trouble, and the last thing you need is some schmuck spreading word of a river spirit handing out gold and silver like no tomorrow.
Quiet. Good for an unusual opinion. Doesn't talk much.
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#25
>Shout at the singer, disrupt his song
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