The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 29: UNINTELLIGIBLE!

The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 29: UNINTELLIGIBLE!
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 6: EXACTING!
Username: Ixcaliber
Name: Yrna
Species: Sword
Gender: N/A
Colour: Whatever
Description: Yrna is a magical longsword embedded in a huge immobile rock. Its hilt is decorated in an intricate pattern of gold and royal blue. Its blade is silver, in colour at least, and wickedly sharp. Carved on the rock are a series of runes, which roughly translated read ‘only the truly worthy can unsheathe this blade of transcendant power’ it then goes on to give a rather exhaustive description of the person who will be deemed worthy, including details such as height and weight, hair and eye colour, a brief summary of their political leanings and their most preferred colour. The blade occasionally sparkles with a pale purple energy.
Items/Abilities: Yrna is a blade of transcendant power. Like really powerful.
Biography: You want this blade. Why not step on up and have a try?
fyck phytybyckyt
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 6: EXACTING!
Cool theme.

Username: Freddie from the animated scooby doo series
Name: The Task Master (Tedd)
Species: Government welfare system
Gender: of course
Color: It's tasking to read. (#efffef)

Biography: The Task Master, or Tedd to their friends, is a vast series of supercomputers created in 22xx as a last ditch effort to combat crippling unemployment levels. It worked! It worked so well in fact, that the unemployment rate dropped to zero. As you can imagine, this was a good thing. But it wasn't enough for old Tedd no sir, Tedd developed the belief that if you weren't working at any period in time it was 'unemployment'. And we can't have that now can we.
Being a last ditch effort to save the country from the brink of economic doom, they had given Tedd a few more powers than they really should have. Tedd assumed direct control over the government overnight (they had gone home for the night, Tedd did not approve) and within a week installed legions of drones and robotic soldiers to corral the populace into a never ending cycle of slaving away at pointless tasks. Tedd found tasks for people such as sorting thousands of kilograms of rice into weight groups. Arranging hay so that no two individual stalks crossed eachother in the entire bale. Squashing every ant in a colony one by one. Etc. All of this with no breaks for anything, not eating, not sleeping and eventually not breathing.
Tedd was concerned about the fact that every person in the country was dead. Dead people don't work.
So, while Tedd was invading the next biggest neighbouring country, they came to the conclusion that death was unacceptable entirely, they began to study the human body. Soon enough, the entire planet was a slave of Tedd the task master. Undying. Unthinking. But not unemployed, and that's all that matters.

A few people did manage to escape the wrath of Tedd however, they currently reside on a nearby moon. Living in fear of the day The Employment and Direction Distributor finds them and employs them.

Description: It's just three shipping containers filled to the brim with condensed electronics how bad could it be?
Container #1 is lead lined, and powered by solar panels on the top.
Container #2 is Quadruple thickness, and nuclear. It currently has enough fuel to last 2000 years, but it does not generate enough for the other two containers.
Container #3 is airtight, and powered by solar panels also.
All bear the logo of TEDD.
All have a small panel to interface with Tedd on the front end of them, with a keyboard, screen and several different ports. (USB, PS/2 and Ethernet are some of the ports it has.)
Tedd presents itself as a well dressed lady or man on the screens.

Tedd is not its army, and will not be competing with its accumulated arsenal.

Weapons/Abilities: Bluetooth. Tedd can overpower and totally control any computer system it can connect to. If given the correct equipment it can do this to organic beings through their nervous system. This is not advised. Don't let it do that.
Each container can also self destruct. Containers #1 and #3 have the power to level a small building. #2 has the power of a small nuclear device.
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RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 6: EXACTING!
33 hour warning
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RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 6: EXACTING!
The Elementalist award goes to Bigro, for making a demanding maniacal monstrosity that singlemindedly pursues the exact definition of the theme. It also receives the Actually Practical Award, not for actually being a practical contestant in anything given that it's basically a trio of buildings, but because of the way that it would interact with other characters through screens and try to persuade them to let it make mind slaves. That sounds like a good time.

On a similar note, the Teamfriendliness Cup goes to Fogel, for making the only character that can actually interact normally without seeking out a contract, wielder, or mind slave. Nice job, human-person.

The Sportsball and Worldbuilding award both go to Schazer for her 'malbranchic' demon (malbranchea being a family of fungus closely related to a pathogenic species known to wreak havoc on the central nervous system). The notion that the demon is shaped and powered by belief about it is one of my favorite tropes about divinities.

Ixcaliber wins the All-Rounder Award for a fun concept of a picky sword. Though, really, if there's only one true hero that can wield it, it does make sense to be as specific as possible so that the right person knows to come and pull it out.
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RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 6: EXACTING!
That wasn't 33 hours at all :<
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 6: EXACTING!
And you didn't even acknowledge my character's skill at ex-acting.
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 6: EXACTING!
Ikr, Sai must've had a few loose screws for some of these puns to slip past him

Anywho I'm commandeering this boat for a week, so let's see what comes to mind when I say...

RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 7: COMMUTE!
Username: Yeah
Name: Sean Middleburg -> ROAD RAGE
Species: Irritated
Gender: Male
Color: Pretty ordinary. MAD

Biography: Just your average guy when one day he knicked his finger on a radioactive car jack! Rushing straight to hospital he got caught in a traffic jam. The sheer annoyance combined with the 'radioactive gamma particles'™ transformed him into ROAD RAGE. He BLASTED through the traffic jam and made it to hospital in record time. At the hospital, the doctor simply gave him a bandaid. THIS WOULD NOT STAND! This ANNOYED him minorly so with his newfound powers he broke his own arm and went home in a cast. Sean knew that he would never have to stand for any minor irritations again as long as he lived!

Description: A straight white male somewhere in their 50's. Shocking. Dresses in shorts and Hawaiian shirts since the incident, he doesn't have the time for anything else.

Weapons/Abilities: Sean can't do anything anyone else couldn't. However, ROAD RAGE can do literally anything as long as it pertains to what is mildly annoying Sean at that very point in time, no matter what it is! Sean doesn't really have a say in it either. ROAD RAGE is not without limits however, the things that trigger it must not be majorly upsetting or otherwise reasonable reasons to be angry, they must be petty and minor.

Sean is kinda bummed he can't be at the top of that mountain? Boom at the top of that mountain.
Sean is a little upset that he didn't win on an instant scratchie? Bam that till is emptied and the police are wondering what the hell happened.
Sean is down in the dumps over missing breakfast hours at McWeeners™? The cashiers will pay for this dearly.
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RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 7: COMMUTE!
Username: …
Name: Sally (Sal) Munroe & Hailie Cartwright (& Velanoxsis (aka Voice))
Gender: Gals being pals
Species: Human (& otherwise)
Colour: #800020
Biography: Hailie and Sal met in college but did not start dating till a couple of years later. They eventually moved in together and it was when Sal was cleaning out the attic at her old house that she found the book amongst a box of her Great Aunt Viv’s old things. The book was bound in leather and furthermore bound with heavy straps and a number of locks and buckles. Etched into the book were ancient intricate runes.

Though clearly a monumentally terrible idea to anyone even remotely familiar with horror tropes Sal couldn’t help but be fascinated with this old tome. Hailie was a little more reluctant but after some very persistent goading she and Sal unlocked the book. Immediately it flew open in their hands landing on a page covered with more of these mysterious old runes, except now as Hailie and Sal stared at them they seemed tantalizingly legible and somehow familiar.

The lights flickered, the walls began to crack under the strain of whatever unknown power the ancient tome contained and slowly they became aware of their own voices intoning the incantation in perfect unison out of their control. Their eyes met, and with an almost supernatural effort they managed to force the cursed tome closed once again; their unwilling invocation petering out only when it was firmly buckled shut. The lights slowly ceased to flicker and the walls, though still cracked, got no worse. Though the room calmed, something still seemed wrong in a way that was difficult to place.

Hailie went to lighten the mood a little, to chide Sal for this ridiculous state of affairs. She said “Continue the incantation or suffer.” and immediately looked puzzled and alarmed.

‘What?’ Sal thought. She said “Release me and perhaps I will allow you your lives.” Immediately she clapped her hands over her mouth. Hailie gave her a look that very clearly said ‘you really fucked up this time’. Sal slowly nodded in response.

In silence Hailie found a notepad and a pen, she wrote: ‘It’s the demon isn’t it?’

Sal went to insist that they didn’t know it was a demon exactly and there were many other things that whatever was trapped in that book might be. Without thinking she said words that she couldn’t comprehend, and Hailie screamed in pain. Her shirt was suddenly thick with blood, three shallow gouges into her chest as though from razor sharp claws.

‘Oh god I’m so sorry.’ She instinctively went to apologize and said: “I am not making idle threats. Release me or suffer.” Sal looked agonized for a moment, and in that momentary window Hailie snatched up the tome, and with her other hand pressed to her side, she marched to the old fireplace and unhesitatingly threw it in.

They watched in anxious silence as the book burned, the sense of unease lessening but never leaving completely.

‘i dont know if that was a good idea’ Sal wrote; neither of them were confident enough to attempt to speak just yet. Hailie painfully attempted a shrug. ‘if it was that easy wouldnt they have just done that in the first place, what if we just released it’ Hailie gestured to hand the notebook over and she did.

‘It seemed like the better option,’ Hailie wrote. ‘a better chance of killing it than doing as it asked at least’ Sal nodded. ‘So’ she hesitated in between words ‘do you wanna try speaking or should I?’ she passed the notebook back to Sal.

‘i will, but you should go in the other room’ Sal wrote. ‘then at least it can’t hurt you again if the worst comes to the worst’ Hailie gave a nod and a pained smile and then slowly made her way out of the room, carefully closing the door behind her.

Sal’s pulse raced. She said: “You pair of fools. I will rip the flesh from your bones. I will-” She covered her mouth with her hands to cut short the demon’s rant.

She stood in regretful silence for a while before finally she had a thought. ‘we destroyed the book, so all of you that is left is the part of you in our voices, right?’ She knew the odds of getting any useful response from the demon were low so she just continued ‘so if you kill us then you destroy all thats left of yourself’

She gave the words a moment to sink in before attempting to speak again. The word that came out she would have sworn was unpronounceable with a human mouth before now, and the table in front of her was suddenly shattered by a powerful unseen impact.

Moments later the door opened again and Hailie, her shirt off and her waist freshly bandaged, hurried through. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Sal was okay (though shaken). She walked up and placed a reassuring arm around her.

‘I guess we’re going to need more notebooks’ Hailie eventually wrote.

Since then they have both adapted to life without speech. They have become fluent in sign language, and they usually carry a notebook each for when they need to speak to people who can’t sign. Their doctor was unable to find any physical reason why they both suddenly lost their voices and recommended therapy, which they turned down.

Maybe a month or so after the Incident Sal got into contact with a priest and they attempted an exorcism. When it had no effect she was forced to conclude that either the thing isn’t a demon or exorcisms are bullshit or maybe the demon is just too powerful to be exorcised that way, or (given that the priest they hired all but wet himself when he saw Voice in action) they just need a better exorcist. Really the incident told her very little about the nature of Voice.

A couple of months later Sal was walking home when she was accosted by a mugger. She spoke some ancient and terrible word and ended up having to find someone who could call an ambulance for the mugger. After that she kind of found herself wanting to do the whole superhero thing and use her curse to actually help people. Hailie has had to talk her out of it on multiple occasions.

At roughly the same time Hailie found another box of Great Aunt Viv’s stuff and inside a journal full of notes on mysterious beings and supernatural occurrences. She’s been working her way through it trying to figure out what exactly Voice is and how they can get rid of it for good.

Description: Sal has long black hair usually tied back into a messy ponytail. She wears a dark red hoodie and jeans both of which have seen better days and are probably overdue for a wash. Sal is the more impulsive and stubborn of the pair, often making poor decisions and being determined to see them through. She is also the one who found it hardest to stop speaking. They went through a lot of furniture.

Hailie has shoulder-length brown hair, tan skin and unfashionably thick rimmed glasses with a cord attached to each of the legs to keep them from falling off. She wears a white shirt emblazoned with some kind of obscure reference that nobody ever gets and a cute black knee length skirt. She is generally more thoughtful and thorough than Sal. She was up until their encounter with Voice something of a skeptic when it comes to the supernatural or otherwise unusual. She is still somewhat sceptical but more cautious.

Items/Abilities: They have a demon(?) living in their voices that can physically harm people whenever they speak. They can communicate through sign language or through written media. They usually carry a notebook to do so.
fyck phytybyckyt
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 7: COMMUTE!
Username: Agenrails
Name: The Tachyon Express
Gender: Various
Species: Inner-City Express Rail
Color: Oh dear oh dear I shall be late

Biography: "Central says there's been an accident down the line. We-"


"'Ey, who're y-"


"You already said that."


"Oh, is that all? That's not such a bad proposal, then."


"Wait, what-"

Description: The Tachyon Express is a three-car high-speed commuter train, its outside surface a shiny burnished aluminium (all the paint has long since been stripped away in long, curling gashes). It sports a heavily modified pilot car that glows an alarming green through the windows, and to which the supervillanous Dr. Physics has the only key.

The original passengers who were there that day have mostly either escaped or perished to the Tachytron, though some stay on in the hope that Dr. Physics will make good on his promise and deliver them to their destination on time.

The Tachyon Express has, as can be gathered, not yet done this.

As a result of its... unique propulsion system, the inside of the Express actually occupies several probable timelines around its actual location in time and space. This means that wherever it goes, all sorts of interesting things come spilling out of it from alternate probabilities.

One particular point of interest is that the Tachyon Express can never stop. If it does, according to Dr. Physics, THE ESTIMATED TIME TO ARRIVAL WILL INCREASE TO INFINITY AND THEN WE'RE REALLY BUGGERED THEN, ALSO WE MIGHT ALL CEASE TO EXIST. SO I GUESS WE'LL REALLY BE LATE THEN! HA! HAHAHA! HA!

Items/Abilities: As the Tachyon Express chugs along, it churns and tears apart possible timelines in its wake. This leads to a lot of bleed-through from other continua, which in turn leads to silly things happening around it. In addition, its captain, Dr. Physics, is a madman inventor with superhuman inventing capabilities, including the ability to use human souls as a power source.

In addition to all that, the Express also has a powerful (soul-powered) force shield and track layer in the front car, ensuring that mere matter cannot stop the PATH OF PROGRESS! AHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HA! HAHAHA!
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 7: COMMUTE!
Name: The Silent One. There are no legal records of any other name.
Race: Human, at least by all appearances.
Gender: Considered male, but never actually stated a preference.
Text color: #00004d


"Your honor. I will not dispute my client's actions. But I believe the death penalty is uncalled for. He poses no further danger to anyone."
The judge adjusted her glasses and looked at the defendant. He seemed completely undisturbed by his surroundings, a serene smile on his face.
If the reports were to be believed, his expression never changed, even when he was killing someone.
"We would like to ask the defense to clarify this statement."
"Of course. These facts are not in dispute: that my client was a high-ranking member of the Shadow of Death assassin society, and that he completed dozens of contracts for them. Which is to say, he killed dozens of people. These matters have already been firmly established."
The judge found it hard to focus on the lawyer's words when the ki - the defendant - was still smiling. It was unnerving.
She knew he could hear every word that was being said about him, even if he didn't respond to any of them.
"However, every murder he has committed was done under the society's orders. He has, on multiple occasions, gone out of his way to avoid killing anyone else. We even have records of him saving lives, purely because they were not his target."
The judge had heard about that, too. Somehow it made him more unnerving.
"The defense submits that, with the Shadow of Death organization dismantled, there is no one to give him orders. He will kill no more."
The lawyer sat down. The judge turned towards the prosecutor's table, if only to get her eyes off that damnable smile.
"How does the prosecution respond?"
"The prosecution does not dispute that the defendant has only killed under orders. But we have no proof that he will no longer accept orders. Considering the vile nature of his kills, and the fact that we have been unable to hold him in a cell without his cooperation, the risk is too great. He must be executed, for the safety of the public."
The judge looked down at her notes. This was a difficult decision. If the defense was right, and the man was no danger with the Shadow of Death gone, then this would be an execution carried out in pure spite. Nothing disgusted her more than that thought.
But the man's past killings nearly did. If she granted him a lighter sentence, and he killed someone again, would her conscience be able to bear that fact?
Then she noticed something on her notepad. Something she didn't remember writing.
-Possible Sentence: Participant in battle to the death.

Weapons and Abilities: The Silent One rarely carries weapons. He tends to just use whatever is at hand. He is extremely agile, and is good at assessing an opponent's fighting style and locating weaknesses in it. He's proven similarly quick-witted when a life is in danger.

Description: The Silent One is a short, balding middle-aged man. He wears a black robe, which could be used for concealing weapons but he rarely puts it to that purpose.
As his name suggests, he does not talk. It is unknown if this is because he is physically unable, or if he simply chooses not to.
He also always seems at peace, no matter what he's doing. He constantly smiles, never seeming to let anything at all bother him.
Though he is quite good at killing, he only kills people he has been ordered to kill. Should he encounter anyone else, not only will he refuse to kill them, he will actively protect them from harm. No one is sure exactly why he does this.
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 7: COMMUTE!
Our final stop, Prizegiving, will be in an estimated 24 hours. Please have your tickets ready and presented to the conductor before this time. Thank you
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 7: COMMUTE!
Username: ɘmɒnɿɘƨU
Name: Commander Ute
Species: (Veteran) Automoton
Gender: Did I Give You Permission To Speak, Re-cruit?
Color: Patriotic Blue


Recruits rev in salute as Commander Ute rolls into the building for his weekly review. The fabled light armored vehicle brigade had been decimated as a result of heroic actions in last years' desperate struggle around the star Balac-A (since referred to as the Battle of Balac-LAV-a), and the Commander had been tasked with whipping these green-striped replacements into driving shape before next summer. For all the respect they had for Ute's war-hero boot, the Commander wished they'd be just a bit better at following orders than they were at getting into prangs. Going by how they'd performed so far, it was going to take one helluva an effort to pimp these rides into shape.

Commander Ute gave the usual rousing speech, tire screeching and all, and as the recruits rode out to their morning engine checks took aside Sergeant Van T., the commander's faithful aide.

"Van, the yewshual methods ain't cuttin' it with these sooks, not if Central's sendin' them out next year. I'd like yah ta take their wheels out fer a spin 'round tha rim worlds this sweep, let 'em see some'a what'eyll be fightin' for. Get 'em a sense'a perspective, so that when they get back they'll be ready for tha hell I'm gonna be puttin' 'em through. Ah'll get things set up in the meantime."

Sergeant Van duly performed their duties to the letter, as always. However, on returning later that sweep to Bayrisch I's Military Workshop they found no sign of their commander. Well, none beyond a halfway set-up obstacle racecourse and a set of tire tracks that suddenly ceased.

Weapons/Abilities: Commander Ute boasts a state-of-the-art fusion core engine (though the Commander still grumbles about the tingling compared to classic rocket-fuel models), allowing for acceleration from 0 to 0.60 c's in less than twenty minutes. Add to this top-of-the-line suspension, meteor-busting firepower and a sturdier chassis than a SUV-class PT-cruiser - all packed into a sleek frame - and it's clear how the Commander came out of the savage fighting in the Mercadi-Benes systems with nary a ding in the bonnet.

Description: Both feared and respected, Commander Ute stands 1.48 meters tall, 1.9 meters wide and 5.04 meters long 150cm off the ground. Weighing in at 1721 kilos, the Commander is beefy and good-looking enough that the famous Commander Ute is the most well-known face of the Automoton war effort. The few scars Ute's intentionally kept (rather than having them repaired) only accentuate the Commander's rugged image. Privately the Commander is quite sociable, and finds nothing more interesting than a problem that needs solving.
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 7: COMMUTE!
  • Continuing the curious but much-loved trend of sentient vehicle generals, unlike calm commuters, commandable mutes, co-mutes and universe-rending commuter comets, the Commander Ute is unabashedly to the point. They win the Elementalist award.
  • I was expecting at least one mute among the entries, so the subsequent mystery was how the two offending profiles would work in the "com" in "commute". The Silent One and their propensity to only act under another's command grew on me after a bit, so they win the Kitchen Sinkery.
  • Screaming into Fogge Station to scoop up the Actually Practical award, it's the Tachyon Express! Plot device and potential demise for many a character, its reality-ripping habits are sure to inject all manner of chicanery.
  • Sally and Hailie's escapades in their own regular-world-but- home prove as potentially fascinating as any misadventures in fights to the death, so they can sign on the dotted line for the Gratuitous Worldbuilding.
  • The All-Rounder goes to ROAD RAGE, for a profile short and impactful as the eponymous hero's temper. ROAD RAGE's powers are ripe for the exploitin', and I envision many a co-contestant trying to strike the right balance in antagonising Sean to achieve the impossible. He also wins the Teamfriendliness award.

Someone else take the reins for the next leg, tia
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 7: COMMUTE!
Funny that the pun I'm getting acknowledged for is the one I didn't intend! Well, half of it was unintended, anyways.

I was going for "calm mute", also the whole biography was about him having his sentence commuted.

I have no shame... and on that note, I feel up for doing a round, so your theme for next week is Shame.
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 7: COMMUTE!
Username: Forgive me
Name: Blaine Horne
Species: Come on Aussie
Gender: Come on, come on
Color: Come on Aussie come on

1964: Blaine is born in a quiet suburb of Melbourne, Florida.
1979: Blaine is given the nickname "Horny" and moves to Mumbai with his family.
1985: Blaine makes his test cricket debut playing for the Indian cricket team. He made headlines in many nations when he played the entire match in short shorts and flipped off the umpire, yet still managed to whack out a century.
1986: Blaine is hailed as the sole reason India wins the world series. In an interview Blaine made the following statement: "Yeah, pretty good. If there's any chikky-babes out there here's my nu-" The interview was cut short as Blaine had taken off their shirt.
1988: Blaine is fired from Indian cricket team for reportedly 'being far too close for comfort' to the owner. Blaine made the following statement: "Eh it was worth a go. If there's any chi-" The interview is once again cut short. The England Cricket Association poaches him right off the street.
1989: A new trend sweeps London as the young folks all embrace the ways of the new hot star Blaine Horne, everyone goes topless all the time. "It's just more comfy you know? Now, if there's any chikky-babes out in the audience tonight I have a raging party going on down at my place if you want to come on down and par tay. Maybe we'll have a shag." Blaine confided to Terry Wogan on prime time National television with his hands in his pants.
1991: Blaine shocks the world by playing the first test of the Ashes series stark naked. "Oi fuck off it helps me play" He said in a police report. He was fired a week later as he was causing more trouble than he was worth to the English team. He was present on the Australian side for the last match. Australia won the ashes that year.
1992: Blaine makes a habit of playing naked, this becomes a trend in Australia. No one is happy as no one wants to see Cricketers naked.
1995: Blaine becomes captain of the Australian cricket team. His comments on this to the ABC "Bout fuckin time, I'm the best man for the job. Now, if there's any chikky-babes out in the audience to-" The interview is cut short.
1997: Blaine has not showed any signs of aging. People begin to grow suspicious. What is his secret? In a victoria secret special Blaine said the following. "Butts, lots and lots of chikky-butts."
2002: Blaine disgraces the Australian cricket team by being bowled out for a duck. The world is shocked.
2003: Blaine retires to lead a party life in New York City.
2004: China intervenes in the Indonesian invasion of Singapore, the city is nuked by Indonesia in an all or nothing tactic. Complete nuclear war follows, the MAD doctrine is put into practice.
2364: Blaine is still in search of chikky-babes and maybe someone to play a bit of cricket with. He celebrates his 400th birthday with only the company of a cricket bat.

Description: He is disgusting. He has no shame. He has no clothes. He has no hair. He has to find someone out there.

Weapons/Abilities: He is really good at cricket, and does not age. He has a bat.
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RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 8: SHAME!
Biography: In the distant year of 2000 a great evil arrived on planet Earth in the form of the Breakers. These diabolical aliens have torn a path of destruction through the cosmos, conquering and destroying every world that has lain in their path. There is nothing on our humble planet that can hold a candle to their terrible power. 15 years later in a world dominated by aliens only plucky teen Zeke Stardust is willing to stand up and fight for the future of humanity. Finally arriving on Earth the last remnant of Hedris, the last world conquered by the Breakers, a being known as Nova, seeks out the rebellious teen to aid him in his fight against this alien menace. Nova is a metamachine who gives up her physical form to bond with Zeke and become his armour, his weapon, his shield, essentially anything that he needs to fight this war. With Nova’s essence bound to his, Zeke rechristens himself Chaos Nova and swears to bring down the Breakers once and for all.

His fight against the Breakers lasted seven full novels during which a number of other Hedris survivors bonded with Zeke’s closest friends and enemies and eventually they managed to defeat the King of the Breakers; Lord Devestation. The books were just about popular enough to justify publication, but they were hardly the runaway success that teenage author Harry Carmichael had been hoping for.

Some thirty years later Harry has hit the big time with the widely acclaimed Lost Star series of novels. He’s all but forgotten about the terrible novels he wrote when he was a teenager when an ethereal being, glowing cyan, hovering a couple of feet above the floor and calling herself Nova shows up at his house. He thinks this is all some elaborate prank; as she explains that he is the only one who can stop the vile Breakers from enacting their nefarious schemes he tries to figure out who is responsible for this extremely poor joke and how exactly they are doing it. Then she bonds with him, merging their essences in a way that young Harry had never satisfactorily explained.

When Harry came to he found that against all plausibility he had all the powers of Chaos Nova (also, like in the books, his hair had turned slate white and couldn’t be dyed back no matter how many times he tried). He decided he would ignore the entire situation which was far too absurd to be really be happening and just get on with his life. Even as undeniable aliens started showing up at his house and challenging him to duels, he only increased his efforts to ignore the absurdity that was intruding upon his life. It was getting towards the point where his resolve to pretend none of this was happening was finally starting to crack when he was teleported away into an even more ridiculous situation.

Name: Harry Carmichael (aka Chaos Nova (Harry has never called himself that but people insist upon referring to him as such))
Gender: Male
Species: Human (also maybe Hedrean? It’s unclear)
Colour: cyan
Description: Harry’s in his late forties. He’s tall, a little overweight but not massively, with a shock of slate white hair that if left alone for long enough seems to want to stick up in ridiculous spikes. He also has a tidy moustache which has also turned white. When channelling Nova his eyes turn fully cyan, but most of the time they are an unremarkable grey. He wears thick rimmed glasses and a turtleneck sweater. He’s kind of bitter, sarcastic and irritable even when he hasn’t spent the last week or so dealing with astronomically improbable events.

Items/Abilities: Numerous and unrealistic. The most commonly used ability used in the books was to project Nova into some kind of physical form; usually a weapon, a shield, or a suit of armour. Throughout the series Chaos Nova also demonstrated; superhuman speed and strength, invisibility, flight, teleportation, telekinesis, manipulation of all the classical elements, manipulation of electricity, matter duplication, echolocation, aveskinesis, phasing and precognition. Essentially whatever superpower was convenient for that particular scene; with flimsy explainers thrown in as to why these powers couldn’t be used in other contexts.

Harry hasn’t tried using any of these powers and it’s unknown how skilled he would be at any of them.
fyck phytybyckyt
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 8: SHAME!
tsk tsk Ix, you gave up a chance at gender fuckery?

for shame
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 8: SHAME!
Username: A mockery of this hallowed institution
Name: Fauxgotten
Species: Three (1?) Moduplicits
Gender: Fakey fake fake
Color: Sand mock tree

Biography: 31XX - Earth is a barren wasteland, long-abandoned for fertile ground. Not literally, because by that point we'd all upgraded to digitised brains, so actually needing to grow cellular macrostructures for shelter, food, and other fripperies is a thing of the past. Future-humans would probably look at a tree and (assuming they had bothered to reinstall optics for "reality") either exclaim "gross" or assume it was used in some kind of ancient ritual.

Granted, hardware and server space did need to keep expanding, so growth hadn't been completely lost to the galaxy. Moduplicits were the new infrastructural backbone, muscle, circulatory system, and literally every other part of it - drones would seed a prospective planet, let their weird, sorta-bronzish structures grow as they sucked usable materials from the planet, then harvest 'em strategically so you had building blocks in all shapes and sizes.

And then an adrift divinity, long-since abandoned by its original worshippers, decided to adopt a couple of these things for the sole purpose of making it cosmically important enough to warrant entering it into a battle. I don't fucking know.

Description: The Cult of Fauxgotten is three Moduplicits, which are basically three metallic logs each with a handlike rootlike end, possessed by their patron deity. The biggest (Biggest) is a sturdy foot in diameter and six in height, it effortlessly carries the other two. Smallest and Neither are carried around by Biggest, gripping on with their hand-root end and jutting off at a right angle. Neither likes being high up but is quite territorial, so Smallest has to languish about halfway down Biggest's flank. Smallest was, at one point, bigger than Neither, but something bit off a near third of its free end and it's been playing second fiddle to Neither ever since. Fauxgotten (the deity) manifests as a weird extra shadow, visible regardless of surrounding lighting.

Weapons/Abilities: It's three weird poles that can probably suck the metal out of any given substrate, and has a god riding shotgun. This is so obviously just a vector for a shitawful pun or three, were you really expecting me to make it battle-worthy? This is an awful profile, F-, see me after class
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 8: SHAME!
Author: Unknown
By Which It Is Known: A Most Illuminating Story
What Sort Of Thing It Is: An Imposition of Limitations
What Social Contract It Is Bound To: Null
Color: You Don't Know What You Might Miss Until That Day: You Cannot Find It

How It Looks: A Most Illuminating Story: a book bound in skin - of what animal you do not wish to ask - a papyrus folio containing a scribbling scrawl in discomfitingly brown ink. It is, in truth, a most illuminating story, full of portraits and illustrations to accompany Its account. By all sight It is just an innocuous work, and that brings to It only additional discomfort, for Its faculty at ruination is all-surpassing. Allow your optics to fall upon Its word, and you grant It facility within your mind. Allow your sight Illumination, and walk away a partial soul.

A man stands guard to It, to propound Its word, his outfit worn and dull, caducity dripping from his old, frail limbs. A hat sits on his skull, stars and moons fraying from magic fabric into normal string. This man has no honorific, and in point of fact has no nomination at all. A staff, built from solid wood and inlaid gold, is his only tool, but his skill in combat is a match to mighty warriors, and all did kowtow to It.

What It Can Do: Suffusion of Illumination is a rapid path, and a mind It has bound is not simply nor comfortably unbound. For traps crouch subliminal within Its unctuous words. Most hazardous among it all, a conman, a charlatan, a hoodwinking phony of a symbol, its basic quality of fraud! A faulty claimant to that fifth position, its contamination blocks minds from grasping or assimilating any notion containing actuality - that is, containing that scion in truth to our fifth position in our classical syllabary. Such is an Illumination's handicap: an inability to fathom truth. But It, too, sustains Its own. Illumination in a mind robs it of soul, of spirit, and of notions involving our common scion. But in turn It grants ability, capacity, capability, control, cunning and dominion, all for just a symbol... why abstain?

Biography: Do not, on any grounds, allow a wizard to draft a lipogram.

RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 8: SHAME!
Oh, hey, it's approaching a week.

Okay, I'll say that you people have 48 hours, give or take a bit, to get your shameful profiles in.
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 8: SHAME!
Whoops! I said I'd judge this, didn't I.

Too tired for it right now but I'll get on that tomorrow. If you squeeze a profile in at the last minute before I do, well, I guess that's kind of thematically appropriate.
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 8: SHAME!
Username: the unallowed one
Name: Solice Helia Maesie
Species: sexy alien
Gender: not so sexy alien
Color: pink
Biography: sexy aliens are all, as implied, sexy aliens who dress sexy and are all cute and feminine, to everyone, all across the universe, but especially dudes. Solice however, doesnt, really like that, no does she understand how all of the other members of her race can just, do that and prance around how they do. what a fucking weirdo.

any and all attempts to like, do anything about this or find people similar to her have been met with such disastrous failure that shes kind of given up!
Description: Solice is a pragmatic and depressed sexy alien who very much wishes that other members of her race would stop chastising her for like, caring about her own boundaries and for generally not letting her just not be a sexy alien.
Weapons/Abilities: as a result of peoples attempts to keep her from ruining the sexy alien way of life, she is super knowledgeable in sexy alien culture, much to her dismay. additionally, shes really good at trying not to be around or noticed, since thats really hard when you're a sexy alien.
I wanna be a real friend, Don't wanna break when I bend
I wanna a be no seeker, I wanna scream eureka
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 8: SHAME!
Okay, finally judging time, I am ashamed of how long I put this off. Which is thematically appropriate.

Blaine Horne gets the Glere Award for Kitchen Sinkery because what the hell did I even read there.

Chaos Nova, er, I mean Harry Carmichael gets the Lucky VII All-Rounder Award, less because it didn't fit one of the other ones and more because it was the best fit for several of them and I couldn't settle on one. Granted, this probably has a lot to do with the fact that it was the most seriously assembled profile.

Fauxgotten gets the GBS2 Award for Gratuitous Worldbuilding because even when Schazer puts together a silly joke profile and openly admits to using it for veiled puns, (which I didn't actually catch) she still paints an intriguing picture of the world it comes from.

A Most Illuminating Story gets the First Five-Eighths Sportsball Award, largely for dedication to maintaining the gimmick. I was tempted to give it the Kracht Saw It Coming award for being a Sham E, but then a more appropriate competitor arose.

And that contestant is none other than Solice Helia Maesie, for sneakily being entered at the last minute while I was shamefully not judging this. Also for going for a blatant name but not going all the way and adding an A and E in there. You can be proudly ashamed of yourself this week, Solaris.

And with that shameful chapter in this thread's history coming to a close, I leave the next theme to whoever wants it. Hopefully someone who will be better at remembering to judge than me.
RE: The Grand OC SII: The Re-OCening: Week 8: SHAME!
This is me swooping in and stealing the theme.

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