The 2am thread

The 2am thread
RE: The 2am thread
I'll do better. I'll sometimes lose my temper and apparently be a spiteful weight-throwing-around badmin in your shitty footsteps

But I'll try not to drag my feet on ever admitting if I stop giving a shit cuz people who look up to me (confused but thanks) deserve they much
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RE: The 2am thread
Whoops
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RE: The 2am thread
I've'm been expressing my anger and frustrations - from the relationship-wrecking to the excruciatingly petty - a lot easier of late, which I guess is an improvement on bottling that shit up and struggling to make my inevitable breakdown sound justified desite of how minor each of its constituent beefs are

The trouble is

I don't feel bad for being a jerk?

I have an acknowledgement of the fact I broke my own personal ethos/rules That Must Be Followed To B A Good Person

But without the capacity to engage in self-loathing I don't actually,emotionally respond to the above fact

It's in the abstract, and without the self-inflicted punishment it's just a game without a lose condition.
I'll keep playing by the rules but I'm "scared" (in the abstract) what will happen if it stops being a worthwhile challenge to me to live this way

If I get bored and move on to something else
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RE: The 2am thread
If my natural inclination when I'm happy is to be a prize asshole

I might be better off (happier, even) sad
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RE: The 2am thread
schazer you deserve to be happy and not sad and i dont think that you being happy means you turn into an asshole i think that your standards for your own level of meanness is maybe unrealistic or too high and that you arent as mean as you think you are if you were a jerk i dont think that you would be feeling like this and im sorry that you do feel like you expressing yourself can only manifest in a way that you feel is too mean or what have you i dont thinkthat is the case though and i like you and you are good
I wanna be a real friend, Don't wanna break when I bend
I wanna a be no seeker, I wanna scream eureka
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RE: The 2am thread
anyway nothings good and i should go to bed but i cant i never can when i want and i hate it and i hate myself and i feel like theres infinite things wrong with me and all i see in my future is a pitch blackness that will consume me and destroy me, if i dont just break down into pieces all bymyself
I wanna be a real friend, Don't wanna break when I bend
I wanna a be no seeker, I wanna scream eureka
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RE: The 2am thread
my life if i made some different choices isnt worth living but i dont know if my current life is worth living i didnt ask for this
I wanna be a real friend, Don't wanna break when I bend
I wanna a be no seeker, I wanna scream eureka
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RE: The 2am thread
my favorite lie i tell myself is that im going to be ok and that everythings going to be ok
I wanna be a real friend, Don't wanna break when I bend
I wanna a be no seeker, I wanna scream eureka
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RE: The 2am thread
its actually incredible and a miracle that ive never been in an abusive relationship/friendship
I wanna be a real friend, Don't wanna break when I bend
I wanna a be no seeker, I wanna scream eureka
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RE: The 2am thread
I tried to go to bed early because I have work tomorrow and a really hard scene but I can't sleep because I'm having a panic attack
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RE: The 2am thread
WHY DO I SUFFER
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RE: The 2am thread
im scared and paranoid constantly every fucking day l m a o
I wanna be a real friend, Don't wanna break when I bend
I wanna a be no seeker, I wanna scream eureka
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RE: The 2am thread
anytime im positive about something about myself i feel like im lying and its a lie
I wanna be a real friend, Don't wanna break when I bend
I wanna a be no seeker, I wanna scream eureka
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RE: The 2am thread
Welp. I'm gonna be tired tomorrow. The whole 'sleep' thing doesnt seem to be workin' out. I wish this anxiety would stop. That'd be nice.
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RE: The 2am thread
im up this late cause a homestuck fic basically triggered me and i still read to almost the latest chapter and i dont know why i did this. going to bed now though
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RE: The 2am thread
I don't even know why I'm up right now. All I can think about is how badly I wanna change my given name
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RE: The 2am thread
up late because i'm at that level of anxiety and hyperactivity that i can't really focus on anything without panicking a lil bit

listening to music that makes me think of my comic and about how i gotta keep drawing pages when i get out of this mood

a few days ago i was reading through a thread of good openings and couldn't help but think that if oneiric had an opening it would be this

credits this probably

and an ominous bonus
[Image: WEdy1pW.png] [Image: cyTsdj6.png]
[Image: 30058_799389.png]
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RE: The 2am thread
bird comic for your 2 ams:
[Image: BJVrZ5P.jpg]

i love crows so much
they are my favorite
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RE: The 2am thread
crows are great

also I've been up all night working on this goddamned walk cycle and I am so tired
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RE: The 2am thread
just got done streaming a mc test stream with a friend, go follow them here.

anyways goo'nite
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RE: The 2am thread
Oh no, the window to make a legit post is closing! I beter not screw this up
sea had swallowed all. A lazy curtain of dust was wafting out to sea
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RE: The 2am thread
its 2am and i want to kill myself! love that depression life
[Image: WEdy1pW.png] [Image: cyTsdj6.png]
[Image: 30058_799389.png]
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RE: The 2am thread
my parents are away in europe for a few weeks and i'm thinking about the logistics of going to their house and getting into their liquor cabinet

i really don't want to be lucid right now
[Image: WEdy1pW.png] [Image: cyTsdj6.png]
[Image: 30058_799389.png]
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RE: The 2am thread
Playing scrabble at 2am and we care so little at this point I was allowed to use "nug"
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RE: The 2am thread
I regret this
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