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Local Want Ads
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ICan'tGiveCredit
 RE: Local Want Ads
#26
Demonic Kitchen Appliance

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The deepest, most petrifying depths of your local Wal-Mart
these passages are spam bots.

From biblical times.

"A day without a laugh is a day wasted."
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03-18-2016, 12:58 AM
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Mehgamehn
 RE: Local Want Ads
#27
Like New or Barn Fresh

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American Pop Star
This one has actually been present in every single one of these, but I thought I'd finally give it spotlight.

Quote:WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE!: John Deere mowers and tractors, like new or barn fresh. XXX-XXX-XXXX

"Like New or Barn Fresh" is just too catchy to NOT make my title.

Quote:1982 Bronco: Solid truck. No rust. Runs good. Has not been abused. New seals for top, rear windows and doors. New tie rods and drag linc. $4000 or best offer. XXX-XXX-XXXX. XXXXX

And our star, the single, solitary, shining brightness that is Ron.
Quote:When a person accepts that Christians are not under the law and it satisfies their spiritual needs, they have no reason to look further and are content with doctrines of men (Mt 15:9), for such is not written in The Bible! When The Holy Father draws one to Christ (Jn 6:44), the love of truth overcomes the heart (opposite of what many churches teach)! The law of Elohim starts taking hold and gives understanding to the need to obey His every word (Deut 8:3, Mt 4:4, Lk 4:4) and (1Jn 3:4-9)! Then the Truth has set you free from false teaching(Jn 8:31-32,Jn 14:6,15,24)! So be it!
Ron & Jeri
...

WHO THE FUCK IS JERI
03-24-2016, 10:27 PM
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SleepingOrange
 RE: Local Want Ads
#28
Mirror Universe Evil Twin

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Disembowelled in a Ditch
Gay lover

Old blue dog

Estranged son trying to reconnect with dying evangelist father

Dennis-style neighborhood menace

One of the vultures that live in his eaves
03-24-2016, 11:09 PM
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ICan'tGiveCredit
 RE: Local Want Ads
#29
Demonic Kitchen Appliance

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The deepest, most petrifying depths of your local Wal-Mart
his parrot that went to one sermon, ONE SERMON, and started rattling off this nonsense

"A day without a laugh is a day wasted."
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(This post was last modified: 03-24-2016, 11:41 PM by ICan'tGiveCredit.)
03-24-2016, 11:41 PM
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Mehgamehn
 RE: Local Want Ads
#30
Like New or Barn Fresh

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There's nothing good, and frankly I'm feeling like the Ron thing has run its course as far as humor goes. He's mostly saying the same shit at this point, its no longer particularly funny. I'm only including this week's because he apparently calls Jesus "The Jew"???

Quote:In 345 C.E Constantine imposed apostasy on the Nicene council to establish Ishtar to be worshipped yearly on the first Sunday after the full moon, not before March 22nd nor later then April 25th! These traditions has The Jew (Jn 4:9) rising nearly a month before He even goes to the cross! Even Gregory's calendar reveals the difference. When man's commandments are taken for doctrines, it is vain worship (Mt 15:9)! Can a so called Christian explain why a day created by man (not by The Bible) is greater than The Holy Passover established by The Holy Father, to whom thou claim to believe and not have pagan origins? So Be It! Ron & Jeri

Jn 4:9, I checked, does refer to Jesus as a jew. It goes like this

Quote:The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?”

So like, he definitely cited his source on that one.
03-31-2016, 03:54 AM
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Mehgamehn
 RE: Local Want Ads
#31
Like New or Barn Fresh

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Quote:Loose Dog: Will the person letting their Great White Pyrenese run loose in XXXXX please contain it. It is damaging property and causing trouble. There is a leash law and it will be reported if you fail to act on this.

Quote:Facebook: [local college], 55 and older, Apr. 19-21, only $25. XXX-XXX-XXXX

There's a 1-ton dump for sale, which is some truck that also happens to have a Cummins engine and really I'm just a child.

And a sad one :c

Quote:Cancer ended my Restoration Project: 1977 Terry bass boat with 150 HP motor, water speed over 50 MPH, several new parts already purchased. $2,500. Billy, XXX-XXX-XXXX

And as for our old buddy Ron (and Yoko Ono Jeri), they're still thumping, but its not particularly funny. Its the same old same old with them, so just imagine it in your heads. If Ron ever starts spitting true fire again I'll show ya.

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/youngcultistgame

This is the blog for my game I'm making for real its happening
04-08-2016, 04:46 AM
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Wheat
 RE: Local Want Ads
#32
 

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now there's a car with some get up and go.

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(This post was last modified: 05-13-2017, 04:52 AM by Wheat.)
05-13-2017, 04:47 AM
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Wheat
 RE: Local Want Ads
#33
 

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05-13-2017, 04:49 AM
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Wheat
 RE: Local Want Ads
#34
 

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in carthage, texas, i saw a newspaper called the Panola Watchman. the headline and main front page article was a feel good story about a three legged service dog. the other front page story next to it was:

Quote:Deputy Jeremy Nagle was dispatch to a residence on FM 3359 in reference to a dispute. Upon arrival Deputy Nagle met with the complainant who stated that he became upset when he went to get some of his ice cream and discovered that his brother had eaten most of it.

The complainant stated that he took an ice cream sandwich and threw it as his brother, making him angry. Complainant advised that his brother then tackled him to the ground and they began wrestling.

Complainant advised that he did not wish to pursue charges at this time, but if his brother came back and started something again he would call.

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(This post was last modified: 08-04-2017, 03:47 AM by Wheat.)
08-04-2017, 03:45 AM
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a52
 RE: Local Want Ads
#35
the one who patented nonsense

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the woods
but if he wanted ice cream, why didn't he just eat the sandwich instead of throwing it at his brother?
08-04-2017, 04:35 AM
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Wheat
 RE: Local Want Ads
#36
 

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a52.

that's not the same.

e: you're not getting the point.

gosh.

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(This post was last modified: 08-04-2017, 04:47 AM by Wheat.)
08-04-2017, 04:44 AM
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btp
 RE: Local Want Ads
#37
like a wild, sexy Dick Cheney

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Texas
I used to live in Carthage! Maybe I know that sandwich!
08-05-2017, 03:07 PM
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