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Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime
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Dragon Fogel
 Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime
Post: #1
The Goddamn Pacman

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Hello everyone! I'm Pete the Peasant! I'm here to tell you all about the Kingdom of Turnipland! Our King is a great and wise and just ruler and we have to do everything he says, and we certainly don't only call him great and wise and just because that's what he says to do and... wait, does anyone else hear horses?

CRASH!

Ow. Oh dear. It seems I was standing in the way of a company of His Majesty's knights, and now he's rather upset with me. So I've been summoned to the castle. This will be an excellent chance to show you our King's justice!

"Attention, peasant! You will bow in the presence of His Majesty, King Turnip XVII!"

Oh, yes. Bowing. Very important. Excuse me a moment.

"Pete the Peasant! This is not the first time you have been summoned before me."

Ah. No, it isn't, Sire. And may I say I'm very honored that you remembered my name...

"Silence! I have decided upon your sentence for disrupting my knights."

And this is the medieval justice system! The King decides if you're guilty or not, and then he decides how to punish you if you are. It's very efficient, as you can see. I wonder what my sentence will be?

"You are to spend three months in the dungeon, under the supervision of Terence the Torturer."

And now we see the other part of the justice system: the appeals process! Pardon me a moment.

Please, oh wise and benevolent King! I beg of you, show mercy on me!

"Hmm. Perhaps."

Oh, this is a good sign. He's thinking about it. He must have been impressed with the way I cleaned out the royal stables with my tongue last week.

"I have made a decision. I will spare you from the dungeon if you can complete the task I set before you by sundown."

And what might this task be, oh glorious King?

"You, Pete the Peasant, must teach all the boys and girls out there about the Alphabet. Succeed in this task, and I shall grant you a full pardon. Dismissed!"

Well, that went better than expected. I just need to teach all of you about the alphabet. Won't that be fun?

Now if only I knew what this "alphabet" thing was. Where do you suppose I could find that out?

Spoiler :
This is part of The Write Stuff contest. Genre is Medieval and Children's.

There's no reason for this | Or this | Death is inevitable | You can't challenge fate | The smallest change | I'm overwhelmed
I'm serious | It makes perfect sense | Easy as ABC! | I can't even explain it | Cleaning up someone else's mess
I suck | I rule | I've got it made | Really, I'm serious | This bugs me | It's all lies | I want to believe | Beauty is a curse
(This post was last modified: 12-02-2013 12:23 AM by Dragon Fogel.)
12-01-2011 05:20 AM
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Hellfish
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #2
nothing but class

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Peasants don't read. What are you, clergy? Find your punk ass a priest, stat.
12-01-2011 05:24 AM
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Iriri
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #3
 

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Alphabet, eh? Maybe the blacksmith would know. Children need to learn to use tools early, maybe the king has some new "alphabet" plowshare in mind!
12-01-2011 05:25 AM
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Fabricati
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #4
On went the Five...

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Um... Isn't that alchemist guy kind of smart?

Jackbot.
12-01-2011 05:42 AM
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GreyGabe
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #5
A Shady Character

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>Go talk to the court mage! He probably knows a thing or two.

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12-01-2011 06:23 AM
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btp
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #6
like a wild, sexy Dick Cheney

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Sounds like Gambling to me!
12-01-2011 06:38 AM
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Schazer
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #7
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Maybe it's like the bible!

peace to the unsung peace to the martyrs | i'm johnny rotten appleseed
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow
12-01-2011 07:04 AM
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Ixcaliber
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #8
Merchant Queen of the Space Consortium

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Spoiler :
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THREE MONTHS DUNGEON.

> Make it up as you go. It's probably like one of those new fangled hide and seek games.

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12-01-2011 02:25 PM
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MaxieSatan
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #9
WHERE'S MY FANGS OBAMA

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You can probably find something about it in the Town Square. Perhaps by the fountain!
12-01-2011 05:03 PM
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Dragon Fogel
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #10
The Goddamn Pacman

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XX Wrote:Peasants don't read. What are you, clergy? Find your punk ass a priest, stat.
Schazer Wrote:Maybe it's like the bible!

Ah, of course! God always has the answers! I should discuss this with a priest, surely he will be able to guide me.

And, oh look! Here comes the Abbott from the monastery on the outskirts of town. He must be here to discuss something of importance with the King. I'll see if I can get a quirk word with him first.

Pardon me, Father! Might I be able to trouble you for a moment of your time?

"Ah, Pete, my son. Good day to you. I was about to petition the King for a donation towards the repair of our bell."

Oh... er, yes, I am sorry about that, Father... My leg is much better now, though!

"The Lord forgives you, my son. But you seem troubled. What is the matter?"

Ah. Might I ask you what the alphabet is?

"A very interesting question, child! The alphabet is a set of 'letters', which are used to form 'words'. We in the clergy need to know it in order to read God's words in the bible."

Oh my! This is awfully confusing for my feeble peasant mind. Could you give me an example of one of these "letters", Father?

"Well, hmm. Let's start at the beginning. The first letter is A. And my title, Abbott, starts with an A!"

Ah, I think I see now. So A is for Abbott!

*ding*

You have taught the children about the letter A!
1/26 letters taught!


I'm not sure what exactly that noise was, or where these children I'm teaching are, but it seems I've taught one letter now! Thank you, Father!

"Bless you, my child. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must speak to King Turnip. May God be with me..."

Well, I suppose I should go and teach the next letter now. If only I knew what it was! Perhaps I should have asked the Abbott for the rest, but oh well, he's far too busy now. Where should I go to seek the next letter?

There's no reason for this | Or this | Death is inevitable | You can't challenge fate | The smallest change | I'm overwhelmed
I'm serious | It makes perfect sense | Easy as ABC! | I can't even explain it | Cleaning up someone else's mess
I suck | I rule | I've got it made | Really, I'm serious | This bugs me | It's all lies | I want to believe | Beauty is a curse
12-01-2011 05:07 PM
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MaxieSatan
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #11
WHERE'S MY FANGS OBAMA

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Maybe at the Blacksmith's, like you were thinking of earlier. Perhaps he might enlighten you on the metals and alloys he uses.
12-01-2011 05:10 PM
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Ixcaliber
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #12
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> You should go teach the first letter to Barry the Barbarian. That guy could totes use some educationing. And who knows, he might even have a letter for you?

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12-01-2011 05:14 PM
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btp
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #13
like a wild, sexy Dick Cheney

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Check out the local apiarist!

Make puns.
12-01-2011 06:40 PM
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GreyGabe
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #14
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btp Wrote:Check out the local apiarist!

Make puns.
>Yes. Everybody loves your honey puns! They're pretty sweet.

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12-02-2011 06:21 AM
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AgentBlue
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #15
that escalated quickly

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Get thee to a bakery!

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12-02-2011 04:11 PM
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Dragon Fogel
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #16
The Goddamn Pacman

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Ixcaliber Wrote:> You should go teach the first letter to Barry the Barbarian. That guy could totes use some educationing. And who knows, he might even have a letter for you?

Ah, yes. Barry the Barbarian. We've crossed paths before, and it was rarely pleasant.

But perhaps if I impart this knowledge upon him, he will be impressed with my intellect and be indebted to me! But where might I find him?

MrGuy Wrote:Maybe at the Blacksmith's, like you were thinking of earlier. Perhaps he might enlighten you on the metals and alloys he uses.

Ah, of course. Barry's battleaxe requires regular sharpening, so he visits the blacksmith often. He might be there right now! To the blacksmith's!

Yes, here's Barry! It looks like he's just sharpened up his battleaxe! Good day, Barry the Barbarian!

"Rrrngh. What did I tell you I'd do the next time I saw you, peasant?"

Er... I forget the exact words, but I believe it involved "pain" and "suffering"?

"That sounds about right. Besides, I've got this newly sharpened axe to try out."

Wait! I have something important to tell you first!

"And what might that be?"

A is for Abbott!

"How very interesting. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a beating to deliver."

A is for Altercation!!

"What the hell's an Altercation?"

I don't know, but it starts with an A!

"Yeah? Well, Mister Smarty-Pants, it so happens that I know a letter, too. B is for Battleaxe!"

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, the pain!

But at least I know that B is for Battleaxe now!

You have taught the children about the letter B!
2/26 letters taught!


Now I can start looking for the next letter. But first, I need to get out of this Altercation! How can I do that, boys and girls?

There's no reason for this | Or this | Death is inevitable | You can't challenge fate | The smallest change | I'm overwhelmed
I'm serious | It makes perfect sense | Easy as ABC! | I can't even explain it | Cleaning up someone else's mess
I suck | I rule | I've got it made | Really, I'm serious | This bugs me | It's all lies | I want to believe | Beauty is a curse
12-02-2011 11:09 PM
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MaxieSatan
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #17
WHERE'S MY FANGS OBAMA

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Clonk him on the cranium with some copper!
12-02-2011 11:11 PM
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Dragon Fogel
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #18
The Goddamn Pacman

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MrGuy Wrote:Clonk him on the cranium with some copper!

What? I'm baffled.

I think I can only use commands in this Altercation if I know what letter they start with! And I only know two letters.

There's no reason for this | Or this | Death is inevitable | You can't challenge fate | The smallest change | I'm overwhelmed
I'm serious | It makes perfect sense | Easy as ABC! | I can't even explain it | Cleaning up someone else's mess
I suck | I rule | I've got it made | Really, I'm serious | This bugs me | It's all lies | I want to believe | Beauty is a curse
12-02-2011 11:12 PM
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MaxieSatan
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #19
WHERE'S MY FANGS OBAMA

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Bonk him in the brainpan with some bronze!
12-02-2011 11:14 PM
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Iriri
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
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Easy!

Apologize.
12-02-2011 11:29 PM
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Schazer
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #21
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Go bother the castle Chef.

peace to the unsung peace to the martyrs | i'm johnny rotten appleseed
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow
12-02-2011 11:33 PM
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Marcherry
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
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Attack! Abuse an arse adroitly!

(or, yes, apologise.)
12-02-2011 11:40 PM
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GreyGabe
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #23
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>Bleed abundantly.

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12-02-2011 11:59 PM
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Dragon Fogel
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #24
The Goddamn Pacman

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Iriri Wrote:Easy!

Apologize.

Ah, yes! A is for Apology!

I'm sorry for disturbing you, Barry the Barbarian! I'll stay out of your way from now on!

"Be quiet! I don't like your face, at least not until it's been smashed in some more."

Well, it appears that he's not open to a peaceful resolution. This may call for another approach.

MrGuy Wrote:Bonk him in the brainpan with some bronze!

Oh! There's a piece of bronze ore on the ground here!

B is for Bronze!

"What do you think you're doing, peasant? Are you going to throw that at me or something?"

Well... Yes.

*BONK*

That seems to have knocked him out. Now I can search for the next letter! But where?

Schazer Wrote:Go bother the castle Chef.

I suppose the King's cook might know something, but I don't think it would go over well if I returned to the castle without finishing my quest first. What should I do?

There's no reason for this | Or this | Death is inevitable | You can't challenge fate | The smallest change | I'm overwhelmed
I'm serious | It makes perfect sense | Easy as ABC! | I can't even explain it | Cleaning up someone else's mess
I suck | I rule | I've got it made | Really, I'm serious | This bugs me | It's all lies | I want to believe | Beauty is a curse
12-03-2011 10:22 PM
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Schazer
 Re: Pete the Peasant's Alphabet Funtime (TWS)
Post: #25
Patron Saint of Normcore

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Ask for help from the Burglar, he knows all of the secret entranceways into the Castle.

peace to the unsung peace to the martyrs | i'm johnny rotten appleseed
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow
12-03-2011 10:42 PM
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