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letter to dad thread (now defunct)
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KittenEater
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#26
big dumb whatever

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Thank you.

I don't know what the solution is, either, but I guess I have a couple places I could go if things go sour. One place is with my sisters, about an hour's drive away. The other place, more preferable, is with Gen, in New Mexico... I don't know what the process for moving a couple states over is, though.

That being said, I don't think I'll ever get kicked out... not unless I go out of my way to spew hateful things at dad for a long enough time that he reconsiders his stance on letting me live with him. For all his faults, he also doesn't understand why other people have that "kick the kid out when they turn 18 so they are forced to get a house and job, like the adult they now are" thing.
04-21-2016, 04:04 AM
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KittenEater
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#27
big dumb whatever

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oh yeah the um, other problem is, i'm really dependent on other people lol
i kinda need help from other people nearby my irl location if i want to get out of here (and i'm a bit of a hermit so i only have a couple friends in-town. one is my neighbor.)

anyway let's get back to insulting my dad for being a Truther
(This post was last modified: 04-21-2016, 04:06 AM by KittenEater.)
04-21-2016, 04:05 AM
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bigro
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#28
Please explain

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Dear parental unit.
Yuo aRe a BIG FUCKIN TURDDDDD

-with out hehehe.... love; kittneater

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04-21-2016, 04:07 AM
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Loather
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#29
cool?

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(04-21-2016, 03:39 AM)Raibys Wrote: tbh maybe you should just stick a mousetrap into an envelope and mail it to him :Y

ᵒᵏᵃʸ ᵈᵒᶰ'ᵗ ʳᵉᵃᶫᶫʸ ᵈᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗ

you should totally send him live rats though

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04-21-2016, 04:09 AM
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Loather
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#30
cool?

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send him a letter that says "MICE TO MEET YOU" and then 1000000000000 live rats fall from the ceiling and crush him

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04-21-2016, 04:11 AM
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a52
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#31
the god eater

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how do you fit 1000000000000 live rats in a letter
04-21-2016, 04:12 AM
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Loather
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#32
cool?

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several letters

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04-21-2016, 04:13 AM
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Papers
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#33
 

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@ Loather: I fully agree
@ Kitet: I can really relate to this situation but I'm not at the college stage yet so I don't know how to help. Do you want a hug

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04-21-2016, 04:13 AM
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KittenEater
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#34
big dumb whatever

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yeh sure papers
*hug*
if I figure my way out of this mess I'll let you know how so you can follow my lead.
04-21-2016, 04:16 AM
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Wheat
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#35
 

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learning is something that's done only if the method by the teacher is right for the learner, otherwise, you might not even be able to process the information the right way for it to be absorbed, much less learned.

the education system, both primary and higher education, is generally set up with standardized methods that are shown to work on average for most people. too bad those same methods are fuckawful for getting through to other people and getting them ready to be members of society, and most people in charge aren't prepared to deal with more than one type of person

It's important that someone who's neuroatypical gets an accurate diagnosis early so they can get specialized instruction by someone who is trained in ways that are most effective for that particular neuroatypicality. otherwise, next best thing is finding peers who share what's worked for them and who instruct each other that way. and in the absence of that, all you can do is ask when someone is teaching you something (anything, not talking about secondary education here) to please be patient, you work differently and have to figure it out in your own way, and that this doesn't mean you're trying to be difficult. it sucks

I remember when I was getting trained for truck by my driver trainer they kept yelling because I was being difficult but that was because I kept having to tell them "I don't learn that way, that doesn't make sense to me, I have to figure things out before it makes sense to me"

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04-21-2016, 04:25 AM
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SleepingOrange
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#36
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I would caution that it is worth considering that you may do yourself more harm than good in terms of emotional benefit by ever telling your father what you feel of him and why he has hurt you. It seems to me - and I may be mistaken - that you have given him plenty of chances to understand and he has chosen either to ignore what you have told him or deliberately misunderstand you. He made his choices and when he comes to realize you will never return to your life, he will either have to accept the reasons you already gave that him or live in delusion for the rest of his life. Conversely, I would worry that someone that seems to have such a sense of ownership over you and who believes so strongly in the rightness of their own actions may seek you out for retribution or to prove you wrong if he feels that you are calling him out or are being what qualifies and his paranoid mind as ungrateful.

I suppose basically what I'm saying is consider what you get out of this action and how you think he will react to it. I think it is well that you have given yourself the room to figure out your feelings and grievances in this thread, and whether our not to send a hypothetical letter is a good thought exercise too. Just remember that you don't owe him anything, not even an explanation, and people's beliefs and opinions about you don't affect your reality.
(This post was last modified: 04-21-2016, 04:36 AM by SleepingOrange.)
04-21-2016, 04:28 AM
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a52
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#37
the god eater

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^^^^^
04-21-2016, 04:30 AM
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Loather
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#38
cool?

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(04-21-2016, 04:25 AM)Wheat Wrote: It's important that someone who's neuroatypical gets an accurate diagnosis early so they can get specialized instruction by someone who is trained in ways that are most effective for that particular neuroatypicality

this specific thing is unfortunately prohibitively expensive most of the time

honestly i don't think there's anything that could really fix the education system for me outside of some pretty massive education reform and even then

neurotypical people are extremely ignorant and arrogant about this kind of stuff, and i think it'd take a lot to change that

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04-21-2016, 04:37 AM
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Loather
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#39
cool?

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but yeah i agree

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04-21-2016, 04:38 AM
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KittenEater
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#40
big dumb whatever

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my mom actually tried getting me to a psych when i was a kid (about 8 or so) but she has always been really poor. I only went to a couple appointments before they apparently wanted to run some IQ tests, and those Cost Money

mom asked dad for help paying for this and he apparently told her "no, our kid doesn't need to go to a psych, that's a waste of money" so we stopped

for a long time i only remembered the first part of this story, so once, at lunch, i asked dad about it, and he either didn't remember or pretended not to remember it. he asked if, after the appointments i went to, i was put on any medication. i said no. he pointed to that as proof that there was nothing wrong with me, "and besides, even if there is, you don't want to get rid of it with medication! it's what makes you different from everyone else!"

a month or so later i realized i should ask mom about it, so i called her, and she filled in the missing pieces. this was... august last year, i think.
04-21-2016, 04:43 AM
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a52
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#41
the god eater

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so not only is he a huge asshole, but he is potentially gaslighting?
04-21-2016, 04:51 AM
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a52
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#42
the god eater

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or did you just not remember
04-21-2016, 04:52 AM
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KittenEater
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#43
big dumb whatever

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>:y

but yeah like, once or twice, i remember him saying stuff like "your mom tried to put you in a special ed school when you were a baby, but then they realized you were smart and didn't belong there" so, he does know that SOMEONE realized something was up
04-21-2016, 04:57 AM
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SleepingOrange
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#44
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People with certain conditions engage in confabulation, which is in many ways distinct from both lying and telling the truth. It doesn't necessarily have to do with not remembering or misremembering something so much as the brain creating a false memory in an attempt to maintain its internal timeline in the absence of actual data. This can be a subconscious thing, and can seem very much like intentional gas lighting, and can have many of the same effects. This isn't necessarily to say that anyone has Korsakoff syndrome in this situation, but it is worth remembering that for some people, especially people who struggle with memory issues or paranoia, their perceptions of reality can vary widely from what another person in this situation would likely perceive, and they can become aggressive when challenged because they fear their own inability to remember or believe their own memories so strongly they think the people around them are lying.

I am aware as I say this that it is heavily influenced by my own life experiences and having dealt with people who are like that. I do not know with so little information if your father is the same way, it's just an impression I get based on what details I do have. PPlease discard anything I say that doesn't ring true to you. it's just totally believable to me that someone could have prevented you from getting medication and then taken the fact that you didn't get medication as proof that they were correct in thinking that there was no need to medicate you.
(This post was last modified: 04-21-2016, 05:11 AM by SleepingOrange.)
04-21-2016, 05:10 AM
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Plaid
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#45
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Okay so the first thing you should probably do is look into the logistics of how you could get out and move (ie see what moving states entails). Often its a lot less scary/a big deal when you know what you need to do? I mean i've said before but you really just... Need to get away

Letter wise? Honestly you can say whatever you want, he probably won't take it in. Its all going to be for your benefit, so go nuts. My Dad refuses (or at least did the last time i talked to him) to understand that he's done anything wrong re: years of emotional abuse and gaslighting. When my sister broke off ties he and my stepmum talked about how she was a spoiled, entitled bitch who was being awful and only making dad feel bad right up until she caved and came back, at which point they were Super Best Friends and she could do nothing wrong! During this time he kept asking me why she left, and even though i told him again and again + included the catalyst (him literally telling her to leave and not come back) he refused to take it in. When people get like that they just justify everything to revolve around them being right.

I would probably go with something along the lines of: 'You are a terrible father, and you did a huge amount of damage to me which i hope you feel awful about. Don't try to contact me.' then get the hell out of dodge

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04-21-2016, 05:12 AM
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a52
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#46
the god eater

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@Slorange so like doublethink, basically
04-21-2016, 05:14 AM
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Plaid
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#47
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whoop got ninja'd by slorange but yeah, i suspect thats probably whats going on. Severe lack of self reflection/self awareness and feeling like you're always right will fuck with memories something fierce, i imagine

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04-21-2016, 05:19 AM
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Wheat
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#48
 

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(04-21-2016, 04:11 AM)Loather Wrote: send him a letter that says "MICE TO MEET YOU" and then 1000000000000 live rats fall from the ceiling and crush him

hahaha

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04-21-2016, 05:20 AM
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Wheat
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#49
 

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(04-21-2016, 04:04 AM)KittenEater Wrote: I don't know what the process for moving a couple states over is, though.
pack up things and go, staying with someone who will have you temporarily until you find a place to rent/more long-term accommodations. rent a van/car if you have a LOT of things to take with you (but if you're under 25 I think rental places charge more for insurance reasons). as always the big problem is $$$. my offer's always open for people here who need help with expenses to get out of a bad situation so if you need help, then yeah

There's really not much officially that'd be different from moving in-state.

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04-21-2016, 05:31 AM
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Papers
 RE: help me write a letter to my dad
#50
 

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I have a question: when you for real move, how do you tell the government "I live here now"

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04-21-2016, 01:16 PM
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