The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5

The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5
>Wolf Queen: Join the contest for fun.
>Wolf Queen: Get judged as a fake fan because your cosplay isn't good enough.
>Chubby cosplayer on the right: Stick around because of Reasons.
Vivian Quest
Tale of a small lizard, crime, and weird biology!
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PieFightValKon, host a number of contests, other than just a costume one, such as pie baking, pie eating, pie throwing, pie dodging, team dodgepie and poetry.
Contest judges, have names like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roDlHXTqZHs (skip to 22.00).

Fifi, enter every contest you can think of. Manage to just barely win one due to sheer luck.
Relda, be entered against your will in every contest by Fifi. Win at least one easily.
Both, be disappointed at the low variety of pies available.

Izzy (I hope I remembered his name correctly), prove that gender is not a requirement for entering PieFightValKon.

Young Monocled Patriot, explain about PieFightValKon, it's meaning and origin.

Edit:
Fifi, inadvertently reveal your own secret mission to Relda. Be something that Relda would most certainly not approve.

Saboteur, lurk.

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(Young Moncoled Patriot) Explain who Val Krakenhoepfer is. Show the iconic poster!
(Val K.) Participate in a panel.
(Val K.) Be subjected to a long-winded and confusing question.
(Val K.) Answer it with a well-thrown pie.
(Val K.) In the tumultuous applause that erupts, slip away from the panel and start in on your "real" mission.
(HSH Princess Relda) Note the amazing variety of Pie Fight Valkyrie stuff on sale.
(HSH Princess Relda) Note the Artists' Alley. Flip through some of the books of fan art for sale.
(HSH Princess Relda) Blanch.
(Fifi Fofox) Convince Relda to change into a Val outfit along with yourself.
(Fifi and Relda) Participate in the Parade. Be chosen as 2 of the three winners for best costume
(Third Winner) Be somefur very, very surprising indeed.
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Awww...I wanted to see a Fofox vs Fauxfox pic lol.

Ooooo...that chubby cosplayer's too cute. I wanna see more of her...

>PieFight Con organiser: Grab Fifi and Relda and dress them Pie Fight Valkyrie costumes.
>Obsessive Fur in a Marshal Grossfunk outfit: Be too much in character...to the displeasure of all.
>Familiar cosplaying mouse femme: begin your mission.
>Pie Fight Valcon-goer: Loudly become upset at the amount of bootleg merchandise on sale.
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Quote:>Adler: Be shepherded directly into the throng of contest participants.
>Wolf Queen: Get judged as a fake fan
(HSH Princess Relda) Note the amazing variety of Pie Fight Valkyrie stuff on sale.

[Image: 0314comeon_zps3t6mb6ej.gif]

"Why is everybody dressed like the Wolf Queen?" I asked, with extreme perplexity.

"Ewww, lame!" Fifi exclaimed. "The Wolf Queen is like, all Seelie and boring. Do you seriously not know Pie-Fight Valkyrie? How can you be a Vulpitanian without knowing this?"

"Uh .. we didn't have it at home when I was growing up," I answered with scrupulous truthfulness.

"Weird," Fifi retorted. "Well, anyway, come on. We gotta enter all the contests. Couple of Lengra-Cha vixens like us should walk away with a bunch of prizes. Including the VIP dinner with SALV Kraekenhoepfer!"

"Are we .. gonna have to wear that outfit?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"Of course! Like, DUH, that's part of the fun of the convention!"

"I don't have one," I shrugged with relief.

"I'm sure there are lots of booths with costumes for sale."

"I don't have much money," I objected.

"Are you for real?" Fifi snorted. "Quit kidding around. Hotties like us don't have to pay for stuff. Let's find a booth run by some pathetic nerd, and Wile him into giving us what we want."

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Quote:>Chubby cosplayer on the right: Stick around because of Reasons.
Fifi, enter every contest you can think of.
Relda, be entered against your will in every contest by Fifi.
Izzy, prove that gender is not a requirement for entering PieFightValKon.
Fifi, inadvertently reveal your own secret mission to Relda.
(Fifi Fofox) Convince Relda to change into a Val outfit along with yourself.
Fifi and Relda and dress them Pie Fight Valkyrie costumes.
that chubby cosplayer's too cute. I wanna see more of her...

[Image: 0314lineup_zpshjxzvckj.gif]

A little while later, Fifi and I were in costume & standing in line for the pie-dodging event. I felt more than a little queasy about the Unseelie way we had obtained these outfits.

"Whoah, it feels pretty sweet to be wearing a monocle, even if it is just pretend," Fifi chirped gleefully. "Someday I hope I will be officially entitled to one. Maybe if I succeed in seducing one of the royal skunks and subjugating him to my will I'll finally get promoted."

"Izzy?" I blurted as I suddenly recognized the not-very-feminine figure in front of me.

"Pardon?" the otter replied. "Do I know you?"

"I've, uh, seen you before, down at the river," I floundered.

"Yes, my duties as Rivermaster and Booty Inspector have gained me a reputation among .. certain types of people," Izzy mused, squinting suspiciously at me through his monocle.

"What are you doing here? How do you even know about this Pie Valkyrie thing?"

"I confiscated a crate of scrolls one time, and then later when I was having a really slow day, I randomly decided to read one. Well, from then on, forget it - I was hopelessly hooked. That SALV Kraekenhoepfer is one fierce and sassy vixen! She's a great role model for young femmes. Yeah, I know it's a trashy series, but you have to just appreciate it for what it is! Anyway, when I heard ValKon was gonna be right here in Albric Tor, I knew I had to come out and support it."

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The Ballad of Adler Young: Silly furry elf adventure. Read the RECAP: http://adleryoung.tumblr.com
Steampup: Surreal dog-headed Victorian adventure. Winterbough Saga Wiki: Everything we know about Faerie, its history & inhabitants.
See an edited recap of Zandar's Saga, and new pages at my Patreon. Peruse original music at Bandcamp. Or you could just Buy Me a Coffee.
*Adorable plum-munching Mavis avatar by the incomparable Tronn.
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SpoilerShow
The Ballad of Adler Young: Silly furry elf adventure. Read the RECAP: http://adleryoung.tumblr.com
Steampup: Surreal dog-headed Victorian adventure. Winterbough Saga Wiki: Everything we know about Faerie, its history & inhabitants.
See an edited recap of Zandar's Saga, and new pages at my Patreon. Peruse original music at Bandcamp. Or you could just Buy Me a Coffee.
*Adorable plum-munching Mavis avatar by the incomparable Tronn.
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>Avogadro: Rush to begin your search with more desperate gusto than dignity would normally allow. They won't let you into the contest without the appropriate costume. Better swallow what little pride you have and get dressed.
>Adler: Getting pelted with pies, these contests are embarrassing and irritating, not to mention messy. Make a mental note that the first order of business when you take the throne should be banning Pie-Fight Valkyrie. Getting rid of a beloved cultural icon is sure to win you the people's favor.
>Avogadro:*GASP!* There she is!
>Adler: Hmmm... You could use your wiles on Avogadro in between dodging pies to get some information.
>Once the contest is over the winners are: The chubby fan-girl in 1st place, Izzy in 2nd, Adler in 3rd, and Avogadro in 4th. Fifi lost so spectacularly in last place, she actually gets an anti-prize. She has to stay when the convention ends and help clean up.
>Alice: Begin your dark ascension.
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Pie-dodging, work slightly differently than expected. But be very fun to watch.
Rabbit, prove to be fart slower to react than your race would suggest. Do not last long.
Rotund Vixen, be surprisingly nimble for someone of your body type, but prove to be far too big of a target to go far.
Relda and Fifi, do rather well and end up roughly equally high. Relda, hate to admit it, but do enjoy yourself.
Izzy, put all your years of frolic practice to good use. Ace the event without breaking a sweat while making it look like a ballet performance.

After washing off the pie residue, go to the pie-throwing event.

Remember, every contest may have it's own prizes, but only the contestants with the highest overall scores will get to meet SALV Kraekenhoepfer!

Fifi, be disappointed that the pie-guessing event, which is where contestants have to eat a piece of pie while blindfolded or otherwise handicapped and guess the ingredients, was changed to fit with Imperial rules. Meaning that certain types of pie are banned this year, like the chokeweed one. But take some solace that at least the mud one is not against the rules.

Fifi and Izzy, get into an excited conversation about Pie-Fight Valkyrie. Relda, try to follow it with out much success.

Avogadro, finally be excused. Hurriedly put on your con costume and go look for your dream vixen.

Scuti Preston, remain in your jar for what seems like a long time. Eventually be found by a curious passer-by just before running out of air. Swear bitter vengeance on your rebellious descendant.

Agent codenamed "Earl", go for some R&R yourself. Do not bother with a costume. Or clothes.

I really wish we'd get more than a few glimpses of the Pie-Fight Valkyrie... I only found one page on FA...
Question: Was the "Winterbozo" event in one of the Winterbough web novels? If so, which one? I only just finished reading book #20 of that series...
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(03-15-2018, 05:28 PM)Torchfire Wrote: »Question: Was the "Winterbozo" event in one of the Winterbough web novels? If so, which one? I only just finished reading book #20 of that series...

#22. http://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/eocos...-With-Love

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>Relda: Dislike the Pie-Tasting Contest, because they had both brandy and rum flavored pies, and you don't mix your pies.
>Voluminous Vixen, ace the Pie Tasting Contest. Be proud enough to bust.
>VV's Costume: *POING!*
>VV: Make lots of new friends.

-MMM-
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Ha! I'd forgotten about Izzy!

That bit with Alice and Scuti Preston was scary....

>Relda (during Pie dodging contest): Don't forget you've done this before during St Reynard's Day no less. This is a cake walk!
>Chubby cosplayer (during Pie dodging contest): Your technique isn't dodging, it's more of catching the pies and eating them without them impacting on your body.
>Fifi (during Pie dodging contest): Get disqualified for attempting to use wiles on the judges.
>Chanson du Percy: Relate how your writer got into the city.
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(03-15-2018, 06:53 PM)Major Matt Mason Wrote: »>VV's Costume: *POING!*
>VV: Make lots of new friends.

-MMM-

Seconded
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(Multi-Disciplinary Pie Contest) Be composed of, at the same time, pie throwing, pie dodging, and pie-eating.
(MDPC) Be scored using a totally arcane system that only a Vulpitanian of dubious sanity can easily understand.
(Miss Chubb) Finish third in the contest, owing to amazing pie-dodging talents.
(HSH Princess Relda) Finish second in the contest, being a superb pie-dodger and thrower. Eating, not so much.
(Izzy) Finish first in the contest, but be disqualified because of some arcane rule that only a Vulpitanian of dubious sanity can easily understand.
(Izzy) Throw a complete, ankle-drumming, fist-pounding fit of temper.
(MDPC) Pick a winner of the contest via an arcane rule that only...ah, you know...
(Dinner with Val K.) Be set up.
(Val K.) Be looking forward to this dinner with great anticipation, for some reason.
(Avogadro) Watch the MDPC, totally dazed by the display of Elf-ly acrobatics.
(Ignorant and Uncouth Peasant) Come to the realization that you only rented that beer.
(Ignorant and Uncouth Peasant) Just in time - lucky you! -- you find a jar.
(Long Camera Shot) Pull back, as a long, drawn out scream can be heard from the forest.
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An extremely weak and uncoordinated elf: Run into the tree and notice a jar of what you perceive to be fuzzy mayonnaise. Immediately grab the jar and open it, whoever forgot this jar really missed out on good eatin.
Scutti: Immediately overpower the hick elf and take control of him, unfortunately he is so weak and uncoordinated the first thing you do is run into a tree.
Adler: How are you able to remember things in this story you where not present for?
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As we approached the front of the line, I observed that each contestant had to step up onto a platform and dodge a barrage of pies thrown at them from all directions for approximately three minutes.

The portly vixen in front of Izzy took the stage. The bell rang and the pies started flying.

Quote:Rotund Vixen, be surprisingly nimble for someone of your body type, but prove to be far too big of a target to go far.
>Chubby cosplayer (during Pie dodging contest): Your technique isn't dodging

[Image: 0321chubsplat_zpse79hjjxw.gif]

She did surprisingly well, considering her mass. Great-Uncle Roland would never have been able to move like that! But, unfortunately she provided too large a target to defend from every attack, and she lost several points when a couple of well-aimed custard pies managed to land on her fur.

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"I'm next," Izzy exclaimed as the con staff swept pie debris off the stage. "Wish me luck!"

Quote:Izzy, put all your years of frolic practice to good use. Ace the event without breaking a sweat while making it look like a ballet performance.
(Izzy) Finish first in the contest, but be disqualified because of some arcane rule

[Image: 0321pieizzy_zps2i5jp3b8.gif]

The bell rang and a hush fell over the crowd as Izzy spun and twisted, effortlessly dodging the onslaught of pies with the consummate ease and grace of a longtime Frolic Club member. When it was over, he stood unblemished and not even breathing hard. The crowd went wild.

"Best performance we've seen yet," one of the judges called out after the applause died down. "But I'm afraid we must deduct points on account of you not being a femme."

"That's discrimination!" Izzy protested.

"The rules state that contestants must make a serious attempt at disguising themselves to look like SALV Kraekenhoepfer," the judge retorted. "At least put on a wig or something."

Izzy stomped off the stage, muttering something about unfairness and what did you expect from Unseelie judges.

"Let me go next," Fifi blurted as she cut in front of me and ran up to the stage.

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"Time to see a real vixen do this!" Fifi declared loudly. She put her hands on her hips and began to sing, "I wanna be pied by you, and only you .. boop boop-a-splat."

"DISQUALIFIED," the judges barked. "Using Wiles is against the rules."

Quote:Fifi lost so spectacularly in last place, she actually gets an anti-prize.
Fifi, be disappointed
>Fifi (during Pie dodging contest): Get disqualified for attempting to use wiles on the judges.

[Image: 0321fifout_zpsfpk6wq1e.gif]

"WHAAAAT?" Fifi gekkered incredulously. "Since when?"

"Since this year. Didn't you read the convention bylaws?"

"No way, that's totally bogus," Fifi protested.

"Yes way. Now clear the stage and bring on the next contestant."

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Fifi stomped off, snarling under her breath, and I nervously mounted the contest stage.

I had dodged pies before, at the Embassy on Saint Reynard's Day. That time, I had worn a tight-fitting uniform and a tall silly hat which encumbered me. Now I was dressed in a manner allowing full freedom of movement. This should be a breeze. I rolled my shoulders and cracked my neck, then took a deep breath. The bell rang.

Quote:Relda, do rather well. Relda, hate to admit it, but do enjoy yourself.
>Relda (during Pie dodging contest): Don't forget you've done this before during St Reynard's Day no less. This is a cake walk!

[Image: 0321valkyrelda_zpsddpnjfhv.gif]

The world seemed to go silent as the pies floated toward me in slow motion. I imagined a light minuet played on lute & shawm, as Dame Chitterleigh's dance instructions drifted through my mind. I easily sidestepped one pie, pirouetted away from another, and leaped ever so gently over a third. Despite the absurdity of the situation, I began to feel a rush of euphoria.

"More pies!" I laughed as I ducked and spun. "This is way too easy!"
The Ballad of Adler Young: Silly furry elf adventure. Read the RECAP: http://adleryoung.tumblr.com
Steampup: Surreal dog-headed Victorian adventure. Winterbough Saga Wiki: Everything we know about Faerie, its history & inhabitants.
See an edited recap of Zandar's Saga, and new pages at my Patreon. Peruse original music at Bandcamp. Or you could just Buy Me a Coffee.
*Adorable plum-munching Mavis avatar by the incomparable Tronn.
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>Adler: Maybe you should cnsider staying a vixen trickster. Frankly you're way better at it than being a skunk prince.
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>HRH Estemere: Your eyes are caught by the graciously pie dodging vixen. You must have her!
>Chubby Cosplayer: Turn out, in fact, to be great-uncle Roland. You don't need to explain yourself to these whippersnappers!

Jimmy the Bard! It's nice to see him again.
Vivian Quest
Tale of a small lizard, crime, and weird biology!
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>Adler: You do well, infact, your performance outdoes the source materiel. Unfortunately, since the contest is to mimic SALV Kraekenhoepfer as closely as possible, you are docked points for overachieving.
>Fifi: As you stand glowering in the cheater's corner, wearing your cheater's cap (dunce cap), swear petty vengeance on Relda for stealing your spotlight.
>Izzy: Refuse to wear a wig on principal, it was a wig that killed your father.
>Chubby Fan-Girl: Be named Adalheida Gebäckmörder, or something. Also keep succeeding at everything.
>Avogadro: The moment you arrive, you are hilariously waylaid by a barrage of pies. Pie Fight Valkyrie is very good at sowing contempt for Imperial officials.
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(HSH Princess Relda) Continue your astounding, flawless dance.
(Percy) Take notes.
(The Greatest Possum Detective in Faerie) Have your suspicions who that "Relda" furson really is.
(TGPDIF) It's quite clearly Marshal Roland in disguise!
(Avogadro) See the last 1/3rd of Relda's performance.
(Avogadro) Freak out as only a repressed mole can do.
(Fellow Con Goers) Show what you think of the interruption by a fanboy.
(Judges) Confer.
(Rest of the contestants) Go through, battling for what is probably 2nd and 3rd place.
(Judges) Confer.
(Judges) Announce who will get to go to the dinner.
(Avogadro) Get an idea: be assigned to provide security at the dinner!
(Fifi Fofox) Fume.
(Fifi Fofox) Get an idea: be assigned as a waitress at the dinner!
(Izzy) Fume.
(Izzy) Get an idea: be assigned as a waiter at the dinner!
(Miss Chubb) Finish third.
(Miss Chubb) Hope there will be decent portions at the dinner.
(2nd Place Winner) Be a masked femme of mystery.
(Jimmy the Bard) Gobsmack your audience by singing ballads of battle, lust and liptauer.
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Fifi: Swear petty vengeance upon the Judges and proceed to put pies on their seats for when they sit down their butts will be covered in pie, GENIUS!
Judges: Keep being as unfair as possible
Adler: Become overly invested in the contests and start taking them way too seriously
Jimmy The Bard: Begin playing an overly annoying tune about your village that makes Scuti Preston consider ending his life.
And now bring on the Mariachi Band
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Judges, deduct some of Relda's points as well. For a completely ludicrous reason.
Relda, realize that you've met at least two of the judges before, but only one of them might be unbiased.

Relda, offer to use Gramayre to make Izzy look more feminine for the judges.
Izzy, accept. End up with a luscious mane of hair that would make any uncivilized axe-wielding barbarian jealous, as well as a set of feminine chest attributes so large, that not only they overfill their metallic confinement almost to the point of bursting, but affect Izzy's balance as well. Izzy, for some reason love your new improvements.

Fifi, sulk like you haven't sulked in a long time.

Pie tasting contest, be up next.
Relda, start off well but get stuck by a trap pie. Also, have trouble finding the mushroom one.
Fifi, end up losing even faster than Relda. Take a big bite out of a pistachio cream-looking pie without realizing it's actually wasabi.
Then sulk so much that make Relda consider inventing a new word for something between "sulking" and "tantrum".
Izzy, put your weakness-sniffing hand to good use. Successfully identify everything in record time. Do not finish first, though, due to the judges' practice of docking points.
The Rotund Vixen, get into it with gusto, the likes Relda hasn't seen since sharing a meal with the former marshal Roland. Not only identify everything correctly, but also finish by licking up every plate in front of you. Except for the trap pies, of course.
Edit: Finish with a belch of such depth and magnitude to instill the fear of Fuma into all her competitors.

Contestants, overhear that the final contest will be a theater performance in front of SALV Kraekenhoepfer herself.

A scroll bootlegger, peddle bootleg scrolls of Jane, the Lowfolk femme featuring SALV Kraekenhoepfer and the Young Monocled Patriot. Relda, buy some just to see what the fuss is about. Be inspired by what you find.

Jimmy the bard, have such poor eyesight that you mistake scuti Preston's head and arms for a novelty clasp and try wearing him as a belt.
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Meanwhile...

> Army: Sit in circles around campfires eating beans and bread.
> Beans: Have predictable effect.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dm9rN6oTs
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(03-25-2018, 10:08 AM)Torchfire Wrote: »A scroll bootlegger, peddle bootleg scrolls of Jane, the Lowfolk femme featuring SALV Kraekenhoepfer and the Young Monocled Patriot. Relda, buy some just to see what the fuss is about. Be inspired by what you find.

Jimmy the bard, have such poor eyesight that you mistake scuti Preston's head and arms for a novelty clasp and try wearing him as a belt.

One has suspicions that the YMP might have commissioned such a scroll for his own entertainment.

As for Jimmy's "new belt," just be glad Jimmy isn't making the scuti wear a heavy brass buckle.
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>Adler: Rememberyou weren't here for pie avoiding contest but for a /secret/mission so y'know, stop atractng attention to yourself and get the heck away.
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I think it's been firmly established by now that doing the smart thing just isn't Adler's MO.
Vivian Quest
Tale of a small lizard, crime, and weird biology!
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SpoilerShow

Quote:>HRH Estemere: Your eyes are caught by the graciously pie dodging vixen.
>Adler: You do well, infact, your performance outdoes the source materiel. Unfortunately, since the contest is to mimic SALV Kraekenhoepfer as closely as possible, you are docked points for overachieving.
(HSH Princess Relda) Continue your astounding, flawless dance.
(Avogadro) See the last 1/3rd of Relda's performance.
(Avogadro) Freak out as only a repressed mole can do.
(Fellow Con Goers) Show what you think of the interruption by a fanboy.
Judges: Keep being as unfair as possible
Judges, deduct some of Relda's points as well. For a completely ludicrous reason.
Relda, realize that you've met at least two of the judges before

Too soon, the bell rang and the pies stopped flying. My fur was spotless, untouched by even a speck of pie from the barrage. I bowed to the judges and stood awaiting their deliberation.

It was then that I realized, with a great degree of trepidation, that I recognized all three of them.

[Image: 0328judges_zps7d0nhd6b.gif]

"No vun likes ein show-off," SALV Chesswick snorted contemptuously. "Five points deducted for tryink to out-do der original Pie-Fight Valkyrie."

"Ten points ADDED," Vulpsmarshal Sweetcheeks leered. "On the condition that at the dinner you sit beside me, Sweetcheeks."

"Whatever, dude," Estmere yawned. "She like, didn't get hit with any pies so that's a perfect score in my book. Are we done yet? I am so sick of looking at vixens, man. How many more are there?"

Before I could ponder such questions as: How did Estmere wind up judging talent contests at a PieFightValKon? And: Did he recognize me? Everyone was suddenly distracted by Sergeant Avogadro lunging against the barrier behind the judges' stall.

"IT'S HER!" he yelled frantically. "HERE I AM! HERE I AM!! I LOVE YOU! LET ME BE YOUR GROSSFUNK!"

SpoilerShow
The Ballad of Adler Young: Silly furry elf adventure. Read the RECAP: http://adleryoung.tumblr.com
Steampup: Surreal dog-headed Victorian adventure. Winterbough Saga Wiki: Everything we know about Faerie, its history & inhabitants.
See an edited recap of Zandar's Saga, and new pages at my Patreon. Peruse original music at Bandcamp. Or you could just Buy Me a Coffee.
*Adorable plum-munching Mavis avatar by the incomparable Tronn.
Quote