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Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
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Dragon Fogel
 Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #1
The Goddamn Pacman

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Once upon a time, there was a magical tongue named Tongueman. Then one day, he realized he was magical, so he started calling himself Tonguewizard.

Tonguewizard the magical tongue wanted to play a musical instrument. But as he was just a tongue, this was a difficult task. He tried to play the piano, but he ended up just getting saliva over the keys and hitting too many at once. He tried to play the harp, but he ended up getting stuck between the strings and needed assistance from a bystander to get out.

And the less said about his attempt to play the harmonica, the better.

This experience made Tonguewizard very reflective. He began to wonder just who he was, beyond a magical tongue, and what instrument would best represent him. Then he could play that, and surely the music of his soul would come out, even if he ended up slobbering all over his instrument.

And so, he decided to set out on a journey to find himself, and the perfect instrument. But first, he had to decide where to go, and what he should bring with him.

Spoiler :
This adventure is inspired by MalkyTop and dedicated to Ixcaliber.
03-20-2012 04:17 AM
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Ixcaliber
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #2
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He should go to the ancient temple of the theramin and he needs to bring with him his toothbrush with tongue cleaning attachment thing.

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03-20-2012 04:21 AM
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AgentBlue
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #3
that escalated quickly

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Tonguewizard, what kind of magic do you have?

Let me out Stay safe inside | You're not kind | Ethics are overrated | What is life | Men are pigs | I'm so drunk | EAT ME NOW | Click clack fuck | Is this right Only money matters | Change my clothes | Little sun rising | One cat's future | Wax and wane | Dark times ahead
----
So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
----
Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime
03-20-2012 04:24 AM
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Sanzh
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #4
breaking the law

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He's bringing with him a flock of ducks duct-taped together into a giant ball that he rolls around. With the duckmass he needs no destination.
03-20-2012 06:05 AM
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Pick Yer Poison
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #5
ELBOW ROCKET

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(03-20-2012 04:24 AM)AgentBlue Wrote:  Tonguewizard, what kind of magic do you have?

Well he's great at

tongueing

Winky

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03-20-2012 09:50 AM
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Dragon Fogel
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #6
The Goddamn Pacman

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After a few moment of thought, Tonguewizard fetched his toothbrush, which had a tongue-cleaning attachment, and the flock of ducks he had duct-taped together into a giant ball in his youth. He hopped onto it and began rolling the ducks around, knowing they would guide him to his destiny.

His destiny turned out to be the Ancient Temple of the Theremin. At least, that was what he gathered when the duct tape fell off just outside of it and the ducks flew away, causing him to fall to the ground. Clearly that was a sign that this was where he needed to go, and not at all a sign that his duct tape wasn't sticky enough.

Before entering, however, Tonguewizard mused on which of his magical powers would be more suited to exploring the place. If the hour was odd, he could use cellphone magic, but if the hour was even, he could use carnivorous plant magic.

According to the watch attachment on his toothbrush, it was 11:30. Tonguewizard needed to make up his mind on whether it would be better to enter now, or to wait half an hour for his magic to change. It all depended on what he would find in the temple, he supposed; he had to think about what sort of obstacles were more likely.

Spoiler :
Cellphone magic or carnivorous plant magic? Make your choice now!

Also feel free to suggest what sort of dangers Tonguewizard might face inside the temple, or other things he could do.
03-21-2012 02:10 AM
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Ixcaliber
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #7
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Deep inside the Ancient Temple of the Theramin resides the Theramind; an ancient and powerful being that uses its telekinetic powers to bend lesser beings to its will.

>Cellphone magic just because I want to know what kind of thing that involves.

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03-21-2012 02:14 AM
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MaxieSatan
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #8
WHERE'S MY FANGS OBAMA

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Definitely use cellphone magic. You can disrupt the primitive technology with your newfangled gadgetry.
03-21-2012 02:49 AM
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Dragon Fogel
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #9
The Goddamn Pacman

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After a minute's consideration, Tonguewizard realized that he was much too impatient to wait a whole half-hour before exploring. So he opted to just rush right in with his cellphone magic active.

Little did he realize that his entry did not go unnoticed. In the darkest depths of the temple, the ancient Theremind awoke, disturbed by the outsider's intrusion into its realm. Specifically, by the annoying ringtone noise he produced.

"None shall desecrate my temple!" the Theremind shouted, to no one in particular because it didn't have anyone to shout to. "This intruder will pay for his insolence!"

Tonguewizard was, of course, completely ignorant of the Theremind's anger. And so, when he saw three ancient golems advancing towards him, he thought it was just standard temple security, and not an ancient being telekinetically commanding the golems. If he had any way of realizing it, he might have thought to use his cell phone magic to disrupt the Theremind's telekinetic signals and stop the golems from moving.

But since Tonguewizard didn't realize that, he had to come up with a completely different plan to deal with the golems.
03-22-2012 12:08 AM
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AgentBlue
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #10
that escalated quickly

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He licked them until they dissolved.

Let me out Stay safe inside | You're not kind | Ethics are overrated | What is life | Men are pigs | I'm so drunk | EAT ME NOW | Click clack fuck | Is this right Only money matters | Change my clothes | Little sun rising | One cat's future | Wax and wane | Dark times ahead
----
So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
----
Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime
03-22-2012 12:30 AM
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Ixcaliber
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #11
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> Use cellphone magic to fake a phone call as an excuse for a quick exit

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03-22-2012 12:39 AM
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MaxieSatan
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #12
WHERE'S MY FANGS OBAMA

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> Challenge them to a game of Multiplayer Boggleknockoff. As a tongue, you have MASTERY OF LANGUAGE.
03-22-2012 01:08 AM
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btp
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #13
like a wild, sexy Dick Cheney

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Baffle the ancient golems with his technology. Give them all cell phones and wait as they try their darndest to figure them out.
03-22-2012 04:27 AM
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GreyGabe
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #14
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>He used his cellphone to call GolemTech customer support and asked them how to deactivate an errant golem.

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03-22-2012 05:21 PM
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Dragon Fogel
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #15
The Goddamn Pacman

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And so Tonguewizard called tech support.

"Hello, this is GolemTech. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly."

Tonguewizard silently cursed himself - he always felt uncomfortable when he cursed loudly. He'd forgotten how long it could take to get through to tech support, and the golems were getting closer.

Then he had an idea.

"Hey, can you guys try calling too?" Tonguewizard asked the golems, although as he didn't actually have a larynx or lungs to speak with, it came out as more of "eey aa oo iii iii aaaiii ooo". The golems paused, confused.

Then Tonguewizard magically granted them cellphones. The golems puzzled over them, as the Theremind controlling them had never seen such technology before. How did these strange devices even work?

And then, Tonguewizard heard a surge of static over his phone.

"Dang it, bad reception," he said, except more awkwardly due to being only a tongue. "I'll try a different room."

With that, he walked past the confused golems into the next room. A few moments later, the magical cellphones, no longer sustained by Tonguewizard's power, vanished. The Theremind was furious, as it had only just figured out how to call its grandson and ask why he never visited any more.

Enraged, the Theremind chose to send a more dangerous obstacle to the room the intruder had just entered. And so it was that Tonguewizard came face-to-face with one of his greatest fears.

Spoiler :
What did the Theremind send after Tonguewizard?
03-22-2012 10:21 PM
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AgentBlue
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #16
that escalated quickly

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Mouthwash!

Let me out Stay safe inside | You're not kind | Ethics are overrated | What is life | Men are pigs | I'm so drunk | EAT ME NOW | Click clack fuck | Is this right Only money matters | Change my clothes | Little sun rising | One cat's future | Wax and wane | Dark times ahead
----
So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
----
Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime
03-23-2012 01:31 AM
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Ixcaliber
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #17
Merchant Queen of the Space Consortium

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Bad Breath Incarnate

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03-23-2012 10:16 AM
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MaxieSatan
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #18
WHERE'S MY FANGS OBAMA

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Some traditionally-horrifying foodstuff such as BRUSSELS SPROUTS or BLACK LICORICE.

Or LICORICE SPROUTS.
03-23-2012 11:10 AM
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btp
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #19
like a wild, sexy Dick Cheney

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Swedish Chef.
03-26-2012 03:07 AM
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Dragon Fogel
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #20
The Goddamn Pacman

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It was a giant walking brussels sprout wearing a chef's hat and carrying a bottle of the most foul-tasting mouthwash Tonguewizard had ever tasted.

"Morney florney borney gorney!" it shouted at him through its thick moustache. Tonguewizard was nearly paralyzed with fear. He had been told many times by his friends and psychiatrists that such a creature couldn't possibly exist, but here it was, right in front of him.

But Tonguewizard knew that if he wanted to uncover the secrets of this temple, he would need to press on. And knowing this, he found the strength to act.

Spoiler :
What did Tonguewizard do? Remember, he still has cellphone magic!
04-18-2012 09:36 PM
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Ixcaliber
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
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He used an app he had downloaded that translated the Swedesque babble into english.

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04-18-2012 09:39 PM
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btp
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #22
like a wild, sexy Dick Cheney

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He then played back the translated babble through one of those auto-tune to music applications.
04-19-2012 12:16 AM
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MaxieSatan
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #23
WHERE'S MY FANGS OBAMA

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He called Dungeon Review Monthly and gave them a HORRIBLE cuisine review, sending the chef into a paroxysm of grief.
04-19-2012 12:33 AM
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AgentBlue
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #24
that escalated quickly

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He threw his phone at it!

Let me out Stay safe inside | You're not kind | Ethics are overrated | What is life | Men are pigs | I'm so drunk | EAT ME NOW | Click clack fuck | Is this right Only money matters | Change my clothes | Little sun rising | One cat's future | Wax and wane | Dark times ahead
----
So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
----
Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime
04-19-2012 02:04 AM
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btp
 RE: Tonguewizard And The Journey For The Perfect Instrument
Post: #25
like a wild, sexy Dick Cheney

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Hey! Speaking of cell-phone magic...

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04-22-2012 05:42 PM
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