Roll to Fight

Roll to Fight
Roll to Fight
The unpredictable was bored, they needed something to spice their life up. An idea just so happened to roll into their mind, they would host a




The unpredictable jumps with glee, then makes their way to the grand stage. Facing a great audience that has been waiting an eternity for a good show, the unpredictable announces to them "HELLO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TONIGHT I, THE UNPREDICTABLE, WILL BE ORCHESTRATING A MAGNIFICENT BATTLE FOR YOU ALL. A BATTLE WHICH YOU WILL BE TELLING YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ABOUT FOR CENTURIES.

The unpredictable pulls out a hat filled with many pieces of paper as eight empty cages raise from below the floor behind them. "FROM MY HAT, I WILL DRAW THE NAMES OF OUR VALIANT WARRIORS. THE FIRST CONTESTANT IS......"
Roll to dodge! You should know how to play an RTD, but if you don't the rules are under the cut.
But, this is also a grand battle! (In theory) That means there are 8 rounds and in each round 1 competitor dies. Each round is in a new setting. Because of the unpredictable nature of the RTD, more than one character can die a round given a seriously bad combo of rolls so there may be fewer rounds.
Unlike a regular grand battle, being the best writer will not save you from lady luck should she want to strike you down.

Signup sheet under the cut:
First in best dressed. And good luck.
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RE: Roll to Fight
Username: Yes
Name: The Vase
Species: Vase
Gender: No
Colour: #5588bb

Description: A completely ordinary vase. Tall and narrow, lightly dusted with a powdery white substance around the rim.
Weapons/Abilities: Contains a few grenades, but it has no way to use them on its own. Has an uncanny ability to just end up around strange and dangerous situations.
Biography: It's a vase. Just a vase. Oh, sure, it's gotten caught up in a mafia smuggling ring, and ended up in wars, and this might not actually be the first dimension outside of where it was created that it's been in. But it's just a vase. Promise.

Gambit: Making things worse by apparently just coincidental circumstances.
RE: Roll to Fight
Username: Gatr
Name: The Omnivore
Species: Eldritch Entity
Gender: Unknown (it, i guess)
Colour: AA2600

Description: When people are unfortunate enough to see it, generally the first thing they can see is its gigantic mouth, filled with several rows of serrated teeth. The mouth is attached to a smooth black scaled face, with eyeholes that glow yellow, and gigantic horns on top. The rest of its body only consists of two floating disembodied arms, existing only from the elbows down. Its hands are humanlike, though it has pointed claws instead of fingertips. Its size varies.
Weapons/Abilities: Although its body generally exists on this plane of reality, it can "travel" between this one and its own dimension. Any part of its body can travel at any time. When it eats something, it is sent to this dimension, intact except for the bite mark if it wasn't eaten whole. In its dimension is everything it has ever eaten, including objects, parts of objects, people, parts of people, and intact locations, all floating in an endless void.
Biography: People in rural villages fear this behemoth, and people in cities scoff at its dubious existence. It has a terrible hunger, and it will eat everything in sight when it is hungry. Curiously, it has been seen in the company of a little girl, appearing to talk to her without malice.

Gambit: Baking cookies. See below to find out why. Vanishing

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RE: Roll to Fight
Name: Vivaen, Vivian
Species: Demon, Cat
Gender: N/A, Female
Colour: #800000, #708090

Description: Vivaen is a blood-black tarry mass enveloping a reptile skeleton, sealed inside the body of a cat. Vivian is an American shorthair silver tabby with blue/red heterochromia, whose red eye occasionally leaks tar.
Weapons/Abilities: Vivaen possesses supernatural speed and strength, vicious jaws and claws, and powerful shadow magics, none of which it can use. Vivian can channel Vivaen's powers, but is a cat.
Biography: Vivian was familiar to a powerful but mild-mannered witch for several years without incident. Then she knocked over a candle at an inopportune moment and received a brain gremlin what sends her intrusive thoughts and a right mighty spritzing for her trouble.

She's real good at killing mice now, though, so there's that.

Gambit: Shadow Magics
RE: Roll to Fight
Username: roll to dog
Name: Scruffy
Species: Dog
Gender: Male
Colour: Dog Brown

Description: Scruffy is a dog.
Weapons/Abilities: Scruffy has the ability to be A GOOD BOY OH YES HE IS COOCHEE COOCHEE COO

Gambit: Salivate
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RE: Roll to Fight
Username: GuardianTempest
Name: Ten Million Soviets
Species: Human
Gender: 99% males, 1% females
Colour: #FF0000

Description: A variable mob of ten million Red Army soldiers
Weapons/Abilities: They can put their comrades "in reserve" (via some kind of hammerspace dimension) and reduce the size of their group by up to 99.999%, ending up with just a hundred troops at least. Whenever a soldier dies, they can pull out replacements. They can also unleash their full might to overwhelm anything with raw numbers, although it doesn't always work out like trying to catch a mouse. In terms of equipment, they start out with what normal infantry can carry, like camping supplies, basic firearms and vodka (which they can magically conjure only for drinking).
Biography: Back in World War 2, Stalin tried to finish Hitler off before the Allies can by deploying a ginormous wave of soldiers straight into Germany. Before they can make it to Berlin, they disappeared. Like magic. This is where they ended up.

Gambit: Human Wave Tactics
RE: Roll to Fight
Username: It's me
Name: Selvsetter (Post(?)-timeskip)
Species: Depressed bird
Gender: Depressed bird
Colour: If you can't find a greatcoat, this'll work as a substitute

Description: It's me but not gay or anxious yet, and with the seasonal affective disorder flipped turnways. Long-sleeved thermal top, band t-shirt, jacket with patches she's gonna regret using on a poor-quality jacket, jeans and hiking boots.
Weapons/Abilities: Hiking pack with personal belongings - budget smartphone, crochet hooks, a rubber eagle mask and letterman jacket that is familiar enough to be deeply unsettling and annoying to this weird stuck-in-2012 version of yours truly who's never seen these things before.
Key abilities are knowing the conventions of Grand Battles, having written for a bunch of them; possessing nebulous Grandmasterly powers, having hosted a battle at one point; possibly unaging, being stuck in the form of a poorly-nourished sleep-deprived 20-year-old student.
Also if it doesn't go stated in the narrative she gets so much fucking wriggle room. The amount she might accomplish in five years off the grid is almost too terrifying to contemplate.
Biography: It's me, but worse somehow. Wacky cast of background personalities on the other end of an [strk]IRC client[/strk] Discord chat may or may not exist.

Gambit: reminding folks they're in a grand battle
RE: Roll to Fight
Username: dogi
Species: Vaporsaurus
Gender: Ankylosaurus
Colour: Extinct?

Description: An ankylosaurus who always appears to be covered in a CWM-colored static filter. It always moves in odd ways, usually spontaneously after long periods of nothing. It can talk, but only very slowly, and when it does vaporwave plays in the background underneath it's voice.
Weapons/Abilities: A spiky tail, a spiky shell, more spikes. Can bite things, but it's greatest power is the varied magical vaporwave it can produce, which results in mixed events.
Biography: It was a night like this, 40 million years ago...

A dinosaur was born, and it immediately disappeared into space. The rest of the dinosaurs then became extinct, while ANKYLO was sent forward into the future. It doesn't know what happened there, but not long after, it was here.

Gambit: Space-time Manipulation.
i'm a rad teen, confirmed good dog, and i try to do things sometimes.
RE: Roll to Fight
Username: MIRDI-NI
Name: Krasny
Species: Lobster With A Gun
Gender: Lobster With A Gun
Colour: Ocean

Description: A Large, Sentient Lobster... WITH A GUN
Biography: This lobster is fucking done with this shit.

Gambit: ANGER
RE: Roll to Fight
"THE FIRST CONTESTANT IS....THIS VASE" The crowd erupts in applause. The unpredictable rolls a die for its starting getup. A 2 is rolled for the vase. "Make sure this pottery gets a nice seat in the childrens room" Says the unpredictable to a stagehand off to his left.

"THE NEXT, IS...THE OMNIVORE" The crowd collective ooohs and aahs at the omnivore, who has appeared in a cage behind the unpredictable. The dice are thrown, and a 2 is rolled for the omnivore. "Uh, ex nay on the food hey" the unpredictable says to the stagehand while making a hand gesture to signify cutting off of ones head.

"AND THEN IS....A CAT!" The crowd is silent, this is a disgrace. "COOL IT COOL CATS, IT'S ALSO A TAR DEMON!" the crowd says "oh of course" in unison. Dice are thrown but it is not good for vivaen nor vivian for it is a 1 that has reared its ugly head. "Put em in this." Says the unpredictable as they spawn a large aquarium filled with honey next to their cage.

"AND IF YOU THOUGHT THE CAT WAS COOL, MEET THIS DOG!" Shouts the unpredictable, bringing up their own pet dog, scruffy. "Who's a good boy, you are!" says the unpredictable scratching its head and throwing the dice with the other hand, rolling a clean 4 for the pooch. "Lets get you a nice bone". The crowd lets out an "awwww" as the dog is gently lowered into one of the cages.

"AND AS A CHANGE OF PACE, THE NEXT CONTESTANT IS.........TEN MILLION SOVIETS! GIVE IT UP LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THE RED ARMY ITSELF!" The crowd jeers and boos. They are true american patriots after all, and will not stand for this. Ten million dice are thrown, and all of them come up 2. "This backfired, put them in the furnace room." snaps the unpredictable, nonplussed with the response from the crowd.

"NOW THAT LAST ONE MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN TO YOUR TASTES, BUT THIS ONE WILL LEAVE YOU WOWED. ITS MY VERY OWN STAGEHAND!" Shouts the unpredictable, extending its long wavy arm to grab the panicking stagehand. "LOOK AT HOW EXCITED THEY ARE! MEET SELVSETTER EVERYONE! LOOKIE LOOKIE!" the crowd gasps and goes silent in shock, then erupts into deafening applause. A die is thrown, and a 3 it will be. Selvsetter is placed into a cage.

"WHAT A HARD ACT TO FOLLOW, BUT FOLLOW IT SHALL, FOR OUR NEXT COMPETITOR IS QUITE THE GAL. MEET ANKYLO!" Announced the unpredictable as an anklyosaurus with quite the aesthetic appeared in a cage. The crowd erupts with laughter as a dice is rolled. A five is alive. "I'll give this one a nice bonus" mumbled the unpredictable.

"AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST. A LOBSTER FOR LUNCH!" shouted the unpredictable, as the audience looked under their seats to find a lobster lunch for all. "YES YES FEED UPON THE FLESH OF OUR NEXT COMPETITORS EXTENDED FAMILY FOR IT IS KRANSY THE LONG KRAB!" A dice is thrown into the air and freezes there, revealing a 5. The unpredictable leans into the cage with the gun toting lobster and says "I will help you avenge your family" with a wink.

"AND NOW THE ARENA, IT'S THE INFINITE CASINO! MY FAVOURITE. AWAY YOU ALL GO, AND GOOD LUCK!" The unpredictable screams. With a clap of their hands, the contestants vanish.
Vase (2): Lands in the childs playroom where all the universes children are held while their parents gamble their lives away.

The Omnivore (2): Lands on the roof, in the vacuum of space, with no real way to enter the casino in sight and nothing to eat.

Vivaen, Vivian (1): Lands in the main foyer as a decoration, suspended in a large aquarium filled with honey. They have a small air bubble to breathe with, but it wont last long.

Scruffy (4): Lands in the kitchen. All the chefs are surprised and there is meat everywhere.

Ten Million Soviets (2): Land in the boiler room, locked in the boiler room, it's super hot down here.

Selvsetter (3): Lands in the main foyer.

ANKYLO (5): Has been here for a while actually, they're on a mad winning streak and are now a billionaire.

Krasny (5): Has also been here for a while, they own the casino, they are in their office.

Duckreport Interact and make your actions now. Drudgerepond
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RE: Roll to Fight
The vase contains objects not suitable for small children.
RE: Roll to Fight
Ten Million Soviets try to escape by destroying the door with copious amounts of explosives like RPGs and grenades. Although the heat is a noticeable change of pace from the harsh Russian winters, there will not be much conquest if they remain here in isolation.
RE: Roll to Fight
Selvsetter deals with all this surprisingly well. It's ridiculous, but a comforting kind of ridiculous. She doesn't remember becoming the Unpredictable's roadie but like. Whatevs.

She takes a look around, spots the cat in the honey jar, and is like "fuckin' bingo." She finds something heavy to smash open the jar and let the cat out. The round just started, so there's no way it's an unstoppable horror unleashed that's gonna murder her once it's free and immediately end the round.

Yeah. Much likelier to be a grateful ally, or just an endearing merciful act for what ends up being a non-sentient contestant. Either way.
RE: Roll to Fight
The Omnivore looks at its surroundings. No real way to enter the casino, huh? No food? Foolish Grandmasters. They know nothing.

E V E R Y T H I N G I S F O O D .

The Omnivore takes a bite out of the casino's roof.
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RE: Roll to Fight

Vivian is doing her best, but trying to swim in honey is surprisingly difficult.
RE: Roll to Fight
ANKYLO was winning money like there was no tomorrow. It didn't really comprehend what that meant, but it felt good regardless.

Crying out into the sky, it slammed it's current poker hand on the table. Afterwards, it clipped out of the chair, and began slowly moving towards the casino reception.
i'm a rad teen, confirmed good dog, and i try to do things sometimes.
RE: Roll to Fight
Scruffy goes to sniff one of the chefs' hands and pouts, pointing its nose at one of the slabs of meat.
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RE: Roll to Fight
Krasny grabs a ringing phone with one of its pincers, slams it back down into the receiver before anything can get a word out.

This... unpredictable had promised a chance for vengeance. And Krasny knew exactly where it was going to get it.


Krasny shoots the hinges off its' office door and descends the grand staircase to pursue that course of action.
RE: Roll to Fight
Vase (1): "Contain child non-friendly objects." Gambit! +1 (2)
The Vase contains nothing but apple slices and water. The cocaine and grenades have been swapped with them somewhere else in the casino.

Ten Million Soviets (1): Blow up hte fuckign door.
TEN MILLION SOVIETS ATTEMPT TO BLOW UP THE DOOR WITH COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF EXPLOSIVES. However, the door is just too strong, you see it has built up an immunity over the years to all forms of physical harm just by hurting itself with smaller doses. Thanks to the explosives, the room is now much much hotter, and the majority of the soviets are at risk of heat stroke if they can't get out soon.

Selvsetter (2): Breaks the aquarium.
Selvsetter finds a nearby greek bust and attempts to bust the aquarium, but the nearby guards stop them in their tracks.

The Omnivore (1): Eat the roof.
The Omnivore turns toward the roof and attempts to take a bite. However, they miss it by a mere 50cm and cannot get any closer by flailing themselves about. It's cold out here, and the omnivore is slowly freezing.

Vivaen, Vivian (5): SWIM YOU FOOL SWIM.
Vivian swims with as much gusto as it can manage, thankfully for vivian, that's a whole lotta gusto. Turns out, they were a champion honeyswimmer and it is their special talent. Who knew? They rocket out of the aquarium and land straight into a conveniently placed bubblebath, cleaning all the honey off of them. A nearby concierge approaches the cat in the warm bath and informs them they are the guest of honour tonight.

ANKYLO (2): Go to the reception and clip out of chair. Gambit! +1 (3)
Ankylo approaches the main foyer. Wow.

Scruffy (5): Beg for food.
How could anyone with a moral compass deny such a cutie? The chef gives scruffy an appropriately sized slab of prime steak. Good boy.

Krasny (6): Head down the staircase to the main floor.

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RE: Roll to Fight
Selvsetter snorts scornfully at these obvious NPCs trying to stop her like "Do you people even have names? I don't care." Then she whips out a New Zealand ten dollar note which si bright and plastic enough to look like casino money pretty much and pays off the guards before pursuing the cat.
RE: Roll to Fight
Interesting. A foyer. With people in it, no less. Contemplating it's surroundings, ANKYLO notices the honey-filled aquarium.

Approaching it, in the odd glitchy way that it tends to approach things in, ANKYLO begins to open it's mouth wide to the sky.

Out of it's mouth an eerie song begins to play, gently violating the ears of any who hear it. Is it an attempt at communication, or violence? Nobody knows.
i'm a rad teen, confirmed good dog, and i try to do things sometimes.
RE: Roll to Fight
Scruffy wags its tail a-plenty and goes to another room, prime-steak hanging out of his mouth.
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RE: Roll to Fight
Vivian is sulking at her sopping, but the attendant is graciously drying her with gentle grace.

Okay, we're out! Now let's do some murds.
Vivaen doesn't kill anyone, because Vivaen still can't do anything except think loudly at a cat, and that's still as effective as ever, e.g. it isn't.

You sure about that?

I... Yes...?

Well me, I got a differing hypo-thesis.
RE: Roll to Fight
All dialogue has been translated from Russian.

Ten Million Soviets converge into One Thousand Soviets to buy themselves more time, with most of the remaining are reservist engineers. If they cannot escape this infernal prison, then their next plan of

"Quickly, Comrades!" Dmitri commands loudly, "Turn off the boiler before it cooks us into Soviet Stroganov!"

"But how are we supposed to do that?" asks a different Dmitri, "The foreign machinery here is of a completely different design than glorious Russian make."

"Then we will find a way."

And so they spread out to try stopping the blazing heat of the boilers, or even reversing it. From fiddling with the valves and pipes, to searching for switches and control buttons. Any solution that can solve their predicament.
RE: Roll to Fight
The heat of the boiler room is no place for a lobster, as Krasny knows well. In fact, it reminds him of the pained cries of his family, so untimely boiled by...

this is not the time for such reminiscing.

This is the time for GUN.