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The Honest Woodcutter
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Reyweld
 The Honest Woodcutter
#1
zip

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Canadon't know please send help
[Image: 4PNKt8h.png]

A woodcutter and his beautiful child lived in a log cabin on the edge of a dark forest. A large river flowed through, its black currents concealing its depths.

[Image: 0RI0Eik.png]

The woodcutter cried in alarm as he saw his child fall into the river. Rushing, he went to the riverside.

[Image: Ghu4Hv9.png]

But he was too late. The child was gone without trace, sucked into the river's currents. He knew that the death of his only offspring weighed on his shoulders: he should have been more attentive, or kept the child inside. In despair, the woodcutter cried out out for help.

WOODCUTTER: Help, someone!

[Image: vPpCOqx.png]

As a whirlwind of water rose, a face and limbs could be discerned. In its hands were two hunks of precious metal. This massive presence was unmistakably the god of the river.

RIVER GOD: I heard your cries mortal, and I have rescued your child from my currents. Now, was your child this gold baby, or this silver baby?

The man focused on the forms held by the god. They wriggled. They really were babies of solid gold and silver! The man was perplexed.

WOODCUTTER: No, neither of these are my baby. Please, they are of flesh and bones and blood- they look like me.

The river god sprouted a third limb, displaying the woodcutter’s child.

WOODCUTTER: Yes, yes! There they are!

The river god smiled.

RIVER GOD: A lesser man would have claimed the gold or silver baby as their own. As a reward for your honesty, I shall give you all three.

WOODCUTTER: Huh?

[Image: 2AV5nL1.png]

The wet form of the god released, and as the loose water crashed down onto the woodcutter and flowed back into the river, not one but three children crawled at its edge.
(This post was last modified: 07-25-2017, 09:10 PM by Reyweld.)
07-25-2017, 09:08 PM
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Sunspider
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#2
 

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Midwestern US
Well shit. You're gonna need a bigger crib. Presuming that metal babies eat and sleep like normal babies?

...do any of your neighbors have metal babies? If so, ask them for metal baby parenting advice.

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07-25-2017, 09:19 PM
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Tuesday
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
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so, this is happening
make sure your new metal children don't try to eat your flesh child
07-25-2017, 09:26 PM
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a52
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#4
the god eater

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the woods
what do metal children eat?
07-25-2017, 10:33 PM
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Arcanuse
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#5
 

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Well... Fleshy kids eat plants and meat things right?
Do mineral kids eat rocks and gems?

...I don't suppose we could ask the river spirit to come up and explain what we're gonna do with two mineral babies

Quiet. Good for an unusual opinion. Doesn't talk much.
07-25-2017, 10:51 PM
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a52
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#6
the god eater

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the woods
Try drowning the mineral babies to get rid of them
07-25-2017, 11:27 PM
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skeleton
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#7
Snail Bone

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Bone Pit
Maybe don't resort to immediately killing babies thanks.

Do you have anyone who helped you raise the normal kid?
Yknow if you had a nanny or a dog or something you might not've ended up in this situation in the first place.
07-26-2017, 12:08 AM
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bigro
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#8
Please explain

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Radelaide
This is an opportunity. The river god has given you an army here, raise them to be might warriors and teach your neighbour what it means to return the lawnmower on time.

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07-26-2017, 02:50 AM
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Dragon Fogel
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#9
The Goddamn Pacman

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(07-26-2017, 02:50 AM)bigro Wrote: This is an opportunity. The river god has given you an army here, raise them to be might warriors and teach your neighbour what it means to return the lawnmower on time.

Well, the neighbor's stuck with a useless gold lawnmower, what else is he supposed to do.
07-26-2017, 03:04 AM
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BreadProduct
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#10
 

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Learn from this experience. Build a fence to deter babies from crawling into rivers.
07-26-2017, 07:00 AM
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Wessolf27
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
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Just make cribs for now. Lots of cribs. You do not want more babies from a misguided river god.
07-26-2017, 10:23 AM
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SneakyRobot
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#12
 

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Tell the forest god that the river god is up to his weird shenanigans again. & build that baby fence.
07-26-2017, 10:48 AM
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ICan'tGiveCredit
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#13
Demonic Kitchen Appliance

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The deepest, most petrifying depths of your local Wal-Mart
sell gold and silver baby. keep flesh baby

"A day without a laugh is a day wasted."
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07-26-2017, 08:46 PM
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Myeth
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#14
waldo no more

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The sand pits
Smelt the babies into one super baby

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Me army of waddlers
07-28-2017, 05:21 PM
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Dalmationer
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#15
Heck.Admin

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Teach silver baby to trick werewolves
07-30-2017, 02:08 PM
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smuchmuch
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#16
 

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>You should probably build some kinda large barier for a play pen for those babies or at leaszt let them play frter away from the river until they are older..
07-30-2017, 02:08 PM
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Dalmationer
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#17
Heck.Admin

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what if one falls in the river and you get even more babies
07-30-2017, 02:12 PM
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ICan'tGiveCredit
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#18
Demonic Kitchen Appliance

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The deepest, most petrifying depths of your local Wal-Mart
throw all babies back into river, wish for titanium baby

"A day without a laugh is a day wasted."
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07-31-2017, 09:19 PM
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SneakyRobot
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
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I think the river god would understand your greedy intent & punish you if you tried to exploit the baby generation system. The first time it was an accident.
08-01-2017, 01:42 AM
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eerr
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#20
 

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>Extoll the virtues of hard work, and not doing stupid shit.
>Accuse the river god of abandoning his babies.
08-02-2017, 11:30 PM
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Reyweld
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#21
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Canadon't know please send help
[Image: o7mE2Zr.png]

WOODCUTTER: I’m, I have.

The woodcutter recovered from his shock, scooping up the three children.

WOODCUTTER: This will never happen again.

[Image: 0hXQTDx.png]

The woodcutter deposited the babies into the crib. He pondered the nature of the metal babies: do they eat normal foods, or minerals? Do they need to eat at all? How could he afford to feed all these mouths?

For an instant, the thought of selling the babies came to mind. It was dispelled just as quickly. They squirmed with the same innocence as the living baby, and selling a god’s gift was taboo.

[Image: zSfP8fV.png]

The flesh baby screamed that their space had been invaded. The metal babies shrieked in chorus, sympathising.

WOODCUTTER: *sigh*

[Image: t0zk5yG.png]

The woodcutter got to work building a fence, and thought of plans for a second and third crib. His labour occupied the rest of the day.

[Image: O8CEpmN.png]

Light dwindled, dusk approached.

The woodcutter thought of consulting the townsfolk about his new children.

WOODCUTTER: A child of gold or silver is unheard of; I can’t imagine my neighbours would understand.
WOODCUTTER: Although, I will have to pick up more food tomorrow. And possibly hire a nanny...
WOODCUTTER: I should feed my children and put them to bed. Then I’ll have time to work on a crib.

[Image: rb1eXqE.png]

The woodcutter turned, hearing a voice singing faintly from the river.

......... ???: ♪ Bend, river bend, river lend me your gold ♪
???: ♪ Bend, river bend, river lend me your gold ♫
......... ???: ♫ Bend, river bend, river lend me your gold ♫

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08-06-2017, 01:35 AM
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typeandkey
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#22
 

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That place that isn't here
>Eek! That person's going to toss a baby in the river to get gold. INTERVENTION!
>On the other hand, if you lack the inclination to even slightly strain yourself, just heckle them from afar.
08-06-2017, 02:15 AM
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SneakyRobot
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
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"Excuse me sir, but did you know that murdering babies was evil? The gods will punish you."
08-06-2017, 10:59 AM
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Arcanuse
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
#24
 

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>Is that... a bard?

>Nothing good ever comes from bards. Their bardish wiles always leads to trouble, and the last thing you need is some schmuck spreading word of a river spirit handing out gold and silver like no tomorrow.

Quiet. Good for an unusual opinion. Doesn't talk much.
08-06-2017, 11:09 AM
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Wessolf27
 RE: The Honest Woodcutter
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>Shout at the singer, disrupt his song
08-06-2017, 06:03 PM
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