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Okay so hi!! This is great! Today you get to hear a story of DRAMA, DANGER, INTRIGUE, LOVE, and most importantly, STORES! All because you asked, "How did I get myself into this mess?" And as your friend, I'm going to tell you! After all, everybody loves a good STORE-y! Heehee!

So right, right right right, like every story, this one I'm telling you has a BEGINNING! And we're gonna begin there! Because that's the way a story works. Yup yup!

Wait whoops, STORE-y! Ha!

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Okay so pardon my language but we don't need any of this...C-WORD!!
The STORE-y I'm telling you today (per your request and because I love you very much) starts here, on these MOONS!

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That's so much better I love it!! So as you know these are the MOONS you grew up on! Under the pale neon light of the MALLSTAR BILLBOARD you spent your days CAVORTING, BEING YOUNG, and SLEEPING A LOT! You got to live on the nice RESIDENTIAL MOON, MOON A, because you didn't have a STORE back then! You always thought it was way too bright up here, but man, you didn't know the half of it yet!

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Okay so actually, that's not so much better, and I don't love it! The story doesn't BEGIN here either! I know I know, "Please hurry, I didn't mean how I got into this mess literally and we're kind of in a bind," I'll be fast!!


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Okayokayokayokay sorrysorrysorrysorry heeeere's your houuuu(wow they're all exactly alike! That's neat I love it!!!)ssseeee....

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Here's you!!!

Aw, you were so cute back then omg!!! Sorry, handsome?? Is there a nonbinary version of the word cute?? ...I think it's still cute! Human language is hard for me sometimes, yup yup!

Speaking of which, what was your name again??

I know, I know, "WHAT THE [f-word]," but you know I'm bad with names! It's like, the humaniest human language!

Can you please remind me? Pretty pwease? :3c
Shelp. The meaning of this name is "Winner of Most Things."
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>Money Jr.
Couldn't afford names back then.
fyck phytybyckyt
Your name is STORE.
Name McMakemoney
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Gallivant Hildevert
(10-10-2017, 03:17 AM)Ixcaliber Wrote: »Couldn't afford names back then.

Hehe, omg!! Baby please, you were living it up back then! You got so bored of buying out your wishlist that you started spending your money on all sorts of eccentric things, like that extensive pillow collection of yours! Oh, hahaha, and those life size chess pieces you bought to make an obstacle course for your roomba? That was a classic, yup yup! If I had tear ducts I'd be wiping human emotion water from my eye right now!

But wait why did you want for nothing again, I wonderfully wonder??

(10-10-2017, 02:51 AM)FluxYggdrasil Wrote: »>Your name is CRUX HUCKLEBERRY

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I mean like, actually super duh!! Of course I knew that!

Your name is CRUX HUCKLEBERRY...

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No one was ever quite sure how your GRANDMOTHER turned a UTILITY BELT BUCKLE business into an A-and-Rising Rank store here on MALLSTAR, but the running theory is that she was just that darn charming! Between the cutesy belt buckles with a million different quirks and her ability to really CONNECT with every customer, the belt buckle craze caught on like EARTH POGS in the EARTH 90's! Unlike earth pogs though, these belt buckles had staying power!

HUCKLEBERRY'S BUCKLE WEAR-IES was projected to reach STAR RANK in just a few more days, making it MALLSTAR'S undisputed most popular shop! As you know, there can only ever be ONE star rank!

So yup yup, you were set for life!!

Oh! Hee, my bad. That doesn't really get to the bad parts, huh? I just hate the bad parts! They're so bad!!!

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So you heard that sound, and...ohhhh. :((

Gosh, I'm having trouble telling this gotta do this part!!

What did you do?

get yer important stuff and boogie on outta there
Quiet. Good for an unusual opinion. Doesn't talk much.
Sighed and unhooked your pet Bull-doozie from its leash so it could run around the yard without taking out a chunk of exterior wall
Instinctively leap to protect your Dwayne plushie
fyck phytybyckyt
>That superintelligent hyperactive lizard you rescued from the streets is running amok again.
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>Went back to bed. Someone else's problem.
>Grab that phone with crazy vibrations

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(10-10-2017, 10:23 AM)Schazer Wrote: »Sighed and unhooked your pet Bull-doozie from its leash so it could run around the yard without taking out a chunk of exterior wall

(10-10-2017, 11:44 AM)FlanDab Wrote: »>That superintelligent hyperactive lizard you rescued from the streets is running amok again.

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Huh! You never thought about having a BULL-DOOZIE as a pet before! They mostly help take care of CONSTRUCTION and UNCONSTRUTCION on Mallstar. Not for free, of course. They get paid for the work they do, per their signed and legally binding work agreement. After all, you know what they say! "NOTHING IS FREE ON MALLSTAR!"

And hey! SUPERINTELLIGENT HYPERACTIVE LIZARDS are people too! In fact, they provide most of the business for the LITTLE GUYS daring enough to climb through the ranks selling coffee and similarly FLAVORED PRODUCTs! Not to mention, you've never seen anyone on Mallstar "run amok." Unless rules have changed all visiting CUSTOMERS to Mallstar are fitted with METERBOOTS, which need to be replenished with VALID CURRENCY lest they immobilize their wearer. After all, you know what they say! "NOTHING IS FREE ON MALLSTAR!"

(10-10-2017, 12:39 PM)typeandkey Wrote: »>Went back to bed. Someone else's problem.

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Eh, you weren't even really sleeping, you kind of just dozed off playing WAITER QUEST on your EAG_DS. You've played it before and didn't even make it through the grease rat fight without drifting away.

Honestly, it's nice that your familial residence is covered by Huckleberry's Bucklewearies, but god, does it get boring up here. Every house looks the same, every road leads to either a gas station or another identical neighborhood, and everything that can reasonably be in a NEAR-IMPENETRABLE GLASS DOME is inside a NEAR-IMPENETRABLE GLASS DOME. If you want to have any fun at all, you've gotta close your eyes and use your imagination or, of course, you could buy stuff from Mallstar. AFTER ALL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY!

Anyway, point is: Something out of the ordinary just happened, and while you could go back to what you do most of the day every day it seems like a far better use of your time to investigate and enjoy FEELING SOMETHING while the fleeting opportunity lasts. Because really, it's not like it could ever, ever have anything to do with you personally, or interrupt your routine for today, tomorrow, and every day after in any way, shape, or form whatsoever. Or make you FEEL SOMETHING BAD. That's also extremely unlikely.

To investigate though, you're gonna have to go outside. You can't see shit through your NEAR-IMPENETRABLE GLASS DOMED WINDOW, except that holographic image of a beautiful sunny day, which is bullshit.

(10-10-2017, 09:50 AM)Arcanuse Wrote: »get yer important stuff and boogie on outta there

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You finish gathering up all your IMPORTANT STUFF and STUFF YOU JUST FEEL MONETARY OBLIGATION TOWARD and toss it all in your PHONE.

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You check the screen to make sure all of your NON COMMERCIAL INVENTORY is accounted for.



As you know, your phone lists both your EQUIPMENT and your NON COMMERCIAL INVENTORY. Equipment is obviously the items you have on your person, and your phone is kind enough to list their attributes including things like ARMOR POWER and SPECIAL EFFECTS. It really depends on what you've got on you.

Non commercial inventory is stored virtually in the phone itself and is limited only by the number of available BRICABRACS (or BB), of which your phone has 5000 total. SIMPLE items tend to take up far less BB. Things like clothes and big wooden chess pieces, but even more intricate sculptures assuming it's made from all one material. However, most COMPLICATED items take up much more space: Things like computers and even human beings with labyrinthine innards that make them work. Given enough BB however, you can store just about anything.



The result would be HOT, LOUD, FORCEFUL, DESTRUCTIVE, and most importantly, EXPLODEY.

Thankfully, there are precautions in place to insure you can't do that, unless you OVERRIDE those precautions, like, 20 TIMES.

Conveniently, computers are too weaksauce to store physical, tangible items and don't count as an inventory management. They only store data, just like a piece of paper with a message does. And just like pieces of paper with messages on them, computers are useless and outdated.

Stupid computers.

You head into the HALL.

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There's not much to talk about out here.

Thankfully, HALLs are pretty hard to work around in a DOME-CENTRIC STANDARD HOME DESIGN. Aside from a few of your personal knick knacks messily scattered about, including one of those sharp BRICKO BLOCKS you never clean up and always step on, there's a picture of your LOVING GRANDMOTHER, the DOMEDOOR to the BATHROOM, and a MENACING SHADOW at the end of the hall.

Wait, fuck!

>It's your romantic interest here to greet you and wish a good morning. They even brought you breakfast, how sweet.
pet adorable shadow creature

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>Oh. It's just your escaped superbioweapon friend who still has no idea you know its secret.
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>Hey Dobbert! How's... it going!? You're here because I've been skipping work, huh?
Replace the Lightbulb in the Display Dome. Your Excessively Menacing Sculpture shouldn't be in the dark like that
Take a snack break. Even menacing shadows cannot be expected to willingly interrupt a square-headed individual and their snacktime.