The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim

The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
#1
The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
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It is 2011. You wake up in a cart alongside a pair of bearded strangers arguing about... something. You're in a massive world filled with rolling clouds, rugged mountains, bustling cities, lush fields and ancient dungeons. You feel like you're in for an epic adventure where you will be able to be any type of character you can imagine and do whatever you want.

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"Greetings traveller, I am the True King of the Nords Ulfric Stormcloak and you join the story as I am taken to what is sure to be my execution." The man with the ridiculous inaccurate viking helmet tells you and then turns and winks at the camera.

"And I'm Ralof." says Ralof.

"It's been lovely to get to know you old sport but its time for all three of us to get murdered by the frightful imperial rotters." True King of the Nords Ulfric Stormcloak informs you as the cart trundles on into the town of Helgen.

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A dragon is in the distance somewhere making a nuisance of itself. You are commanded by the imperial guardsman to get down from the cart.

"Arrow in the knee." says the second imperial guardsman allowing us all to get the stupid meme out of our system and get on with our story.

"I'd prefer it right now if we could formalize the use of the term guardsperson." Says the first imperial guardsperson. "So um nice to meet you. I'm the option that isn't Ralof but lets not get ahead of ourselves."

Not-Ralof clears their throat and looks down at their notes. "So it says here that you're to be put in the old gill-o-teen but it doesn't actually tell me anything else about you like your name gender species physical description any actual crimes you did or anythink like that." They look back up at you again. "And I left my glasses at home so please describe yourself for me and we can get this character creation malarky all over and done with asap."

>
fyck phytybyckyt
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#2
RE: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
My only crime was being too beautiful.
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#3
RE: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Just fill out every field with Dlorph.
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#4
RE: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Either the word Dlorph or a doodle of It's Dlorph!, really.
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#5
RE: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
You're actually a fifty foot fire breathing honest to god dragon. The only crimes you're guilty of? Being too magnificent and also maybe some small humanish people might be upset that you burnt their houses down and ate their cows, but whatever.
~◕ w◕~
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#6
RE: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
>A one armed female orc thief named Hammerhead Jr.
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#7
RE: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
im a fuckin' tree lizard
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#8
RE: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
you are a cat but you're also a lizard and you have a bat but you're also a wizard
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#9
RE: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
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In the distance the dragon makes dragon noises as the tension of the scene slowly escalates. You explain that you are Dlorph and that you have journeyed from the faraway land of Drawful/Jackbox Games Post Thread. The guardsperson just shakes their head and mutters something about mods.

"Now don't get me wrong I love your adventure but rules are rules and I gotta do a gilloteen on you. Can't go making exceptions or I'll be next on the chopping block if you know what I mean." The guardsperson laughs for a second but stops abruptly and says "Capital Punishment is no laughing matter; the judicial system here in Skyrim is kind of a fucking mess if you'll pardon my Elswyrese. Anyway we'd better be getting on with it. Not got all day you know." They gesture you towards the guillotine, and menaced by the guard behind you make your way towards it.

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As you approach the guillotine you hear the guardsperson giving Raluf the character creation spiel, Raluf opts to be a dual race cat/lizard specializing in Baseball Wizardry. It’s a good choice and far more creative than your own selection.

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You present yourself for executing only to discover that Andruin The Big Old Dragon ™ is standing right there. You get the guardsperson’s attention and point this out to them and suddenly everyone feels a) scared of the Big Old Dragon ™ but also b) very silly for not noticing them until now.

This could be your opportunity to get out of being guillytined. What will you do?

>
fyck phytybyckyt
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#10
RE: The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
i mean but that would be rude, after they got this all set up and all?
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#11
RE: The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
tickle the dragon, sleeping or not.
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#12
RE: The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
Dance!
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#13
RE: The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
Open the developer's console and enable fake noclip to escape
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#14
RE: The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
Just scroll out all the way and idle until the camera slowly spins and just watch the chaos as it unfolds around you
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SpoilerShow
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#15
RE: The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
>Wave and say hi to your uncle. Don't be rude.
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#16
RE: The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
>Tell him to get back in line, it's your turn.
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#17
RE: The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
Nah, it's best to stay put, and let justice be carried out for your meme crimes. Capital punishment is no laughing matter, after all.

Edit: I feel a bit guilty/responsible for this thread's existenceShow
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#18
RE: The Older Scrolls VI: Skyrim
If they're too distracted I guess you'll just need to guillotine yourself.
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