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LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
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Coldblooded
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#26
Ankylosaurus

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I have sort of a similar but opposite problem to Schazer's, in that "gender-neutral" clothing is almost always just considered Male By Default, and anything more feminine than that would probably just get me labeled as a crossdresser. (ugggh)

(As a side note, does anyone have any hot tips on how to make a full beard look more androgynous? Because I really enjoy not shaving every day and I would hate to have to give that up.)

Also, Schazer have you tried telling some of these people to mind their own damn business? Like, who raised these people that they think it's acceptable to go up to random strangers on the street and start quizzing them on their gender? Get lost creeps.
10-10-2015, 07:07 AM
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Schazer
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#27
Patron Saint of Normcore

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I'm somewhat exaggerating people's responses here - most people (in Japan especially) would be content with just giving me a second glance and a bit of staring at worst. I just want to, like, be in a space where an androgynous person is taken as fact rather than being an invitation for people to start guessing (however silently/blatantly) which of The Two Sexes I am.

Japanese is not much good with gender neutral anything, much less pronoun usage. Being referred to in a gender-neutral fashion is often not possible, or would be the cause of too much confusion. My ability to deal with it varies - sometimes I don't care at all that feminine pronouns are being slapped on me, other times I don't want to deal with the confusion when either "valid" answer to defuse the situation feels wrong on some level.

It doesn't help matters that folks in the Japanese sales/service industry will want to use the right ones, and get very embarrassed and apologetic if they get it wrong or show confusion.
10-10-2015, 09:10 AM
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Coldblooded
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#28
Ankylosaurus

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Ah, that makes more sense.

I'm being kind of a hypocrite here anyway. I doubt that I would have it in me to tell off groups of strangers all the time, even if they did totally deserve it.
10-10-2015, 03:47 PM
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AgentBlue
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#29
that escalated quickly

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Sunshine, Lollipops and Diabetes
Also somewhere along the way Americans became able to gay marry

belated yay America

/me is not in America
10-11-2015, 03:01 PM
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Wheat
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#30
 

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(10-10-2015, 03:47 PM)Coldblooded Wrote: Ah, that makes more sense.

I'm being kind of a hypocrite here anyway. I doubt that I would have it in me to tell off groups of strangers all the time, even if they did totally deserve it.

hi dangron. here's a street I saw in columbus.


[Image: tumblr_nw42ez6AZE1rq8eh8o2_r1_500.jpg]

guess you could say this road's a real "dead end!!!!!!" ha ha,.

[Image: RjvYOd.png]
(This post was last modified: 10-12-2015, 02:33 PM by Wheat.)
10-12-2015, 02:20 PM
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Coldblooded
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#31
Ankylosaurus

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Spoiler :
I've driven on that road before, but honestly I probably would have been able to figure out where you were just by bumper stickers alone.

That catholic radio station there is one of the worst things that I've ever been forced to listen to. How can anybody manage to talk about the evils of abortion for hours on end, every single day without fail? Don't Catholics have any other interests at all?
10-12-2015, 06:54 PM
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Kíeros
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#32
🌈🐙👽 (gay tentacle alien)

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Okay, I said I was going to do this... well, technically today. This is going to be long and somewhat NSFW, so I'm just going to put all the back stuff in a spoiler.
Spoiler :
I know a lot of people here are from the MSPA Forums, so you know or are at least familiar with Arms. Well, she's one of the people who I follow on Tumblr. A few days back, she found a tumblr blog closetedlesbianopinions. And she reblogged quite a few of them that described her before she figured it out. I saw them and thought to myself "wow, if a few of those described someone, they really should be thinking about their identity".
Well, someone else saw that first tumblr, and started up another one, closetedtransgirlopinions, for a different audience but in much the same style. And Arms also found it, and started reblogging stuff from it, and I thought to myself "wow, that fits me. And so does that one. And... that one I feel was written with me in mind. And... uh...". Now I think that having that first set really helped because I really had no reason to be questioning my identity and so by having the thing where I thought that before made me at least somewhat open.
So after seeing those few ones that were on my dash, I went to the blog proper and looked through every single post that was there and about three quarters of them described how I felt to some degree, and a third of them were super me. Like "ive been reading lots of transformation fiction online and it makes me feel really guilty but also really good but i still wouldn’t want to be a girl because that would be gross" direct quote from the site and I have thought that numerous times. Or even the most recent one, which came up as I was nearing the end, but I saw and wow it fits. "Why am I trying to sing the alto line? Oh just as a challenge you know? :) its not like I practice it at home and start crying when I can’t hit the high notes :)" Excuse me, but if I'm not singing the soprano line at the correct octave, something's wrong and I totally don't feel horrible if I can't hit the top notes.
And now after that, I'm just thinking about all sorts of things about me that I've done and it's very... just you know if I was actually trans then it would make some sort of sense. Like I was ordering some stuff, and I decided to get a necklace because hey it was on sale, and when I got it, my first thought was "wow, is this girly; not me, but hey, it was on sale so I think I'll wear it like once or twice" and now I'm thinking "I can't wait to get back up to school so I can wear it again, because it feels just right and natural". And I have spent quite a time up at school looking for a skirt or stockings becayse something about wearing those feels... just some way that I can't describe.
I mean, one of my first memories on MSPA Forums was I did math on some part of an update, and someone jokingly said "she's a witch, burn her!" and my response was something like "haha, I'm a boy, but whatever it's not like it really matters right?" And now on games like ACNL, you'd have to be hard-pressed to tell that my character's actually a boy. And like there's a thing I'm playing online where you can transform characters into other characters and somehow, like 80% of the ones I do start with a design that looks a lot like me and end up as some form of a girl. Now that couldn't be indicative of anything whatsoever, right?
So even with all of this stuff, I didn't really trust my opinion, because I'm doubting of eveything. And I was lucky enough to find a test to help in determining if the person taking it is transgender. And completely unsurprising from all of this is the fact that I got solid "yeah, since you said you were male, this is pretty solidly transgender". Like the most female section started at 320 points and I got 325. And I repeated and kept on getting results in that area. And just for clarification, 0 isn't "not transgender", 0 is "gender neutral" and -320 is the most male area.
And I think the key kicker is that I've had some sort of body dysphoria for as long as I can remember. I had been justifying it for forever as like almost nobody is entirely happy with their body, so it's normal to have a feeling as if you don't belong in the body you have, right? And that's a no win scenario, because if that's not the case (which I'm pretty sure is the case now that I've been reflecting) well wow is that trans, and even if it is the case, most of my dysphoria I'm realising has been directed towards sexual characteristics. Like I thought the reason my penis made me feel so uncomfortable is because I'm asexual and anything down there seems wrong and unnecessary, but it's also applying to facial hair. Like, if I could just get rid of all of that, I'd do so in a heartbeat. You know the 'would you press the button' thing? If there was one that was "you won't grow any facial hair BUT you lose your genetalia", I'd slam the button as fast as I could and ask what the downside was.
I mean, Tuesday morning, I was getting a haircut (and reluctantly at that, because I didn't see anyhting wrong with longer hair, because that feels right to me WOW I WONDER WHY), and I wasn't thinking about whether I was a boy or a girl because I was obviously a boy. And here I am, three days later, and I have no clue any more. Well, okay, I have a clue, and that's that I'm pretty likely transgender and just...

I don't really know what to do.
11-28-2015, 03:11 AM
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Wheat
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#33
 

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Oh I'm so sorry kí

I mentioned gender war because you said "Like, my parents don't know that I'm X and now I might also be Y?" and I thought you were talking about gender, and not just talking vaguely, or about which gen 6 pokemon game you are a player of.

Spoiler :
also because as someone who subscribes to queer theory (that problems arise from the imposition of firm, conscriptive labels of 1. social gender 2. desire/attraction/orientation 3. physiological sex, and especially how these three categories clash with each other apart from the norm), more traditional oldfolks' problems with sexual orientation are in a way a problem with gender.

More specifically, a more traditional person seeing someone of one gender with someone that doesn't appear as the het gender counterpart they're used to and can spooks the shaky foundation of their sensibilities, which might make it harder to approach parents about it. Like it's a whole part of a traditional worldview that the main function of life is taking a specific role (as determined by your birth sex) to raise children in the current socially-acceptable family structure. For those people, seeing any non-monogamous, non-het sexual orientation between two people with clearly defined gender roles can be a threat to one's own worldview. Mostly because it makes the onlooker think that perhaps they've been lied to and made a fool of, or they've lived an artificially limited experience and missed out.
That onlooker should, however, learn to not make everything about them and grow up :p.


Quote:I don't really know what to do.
There's no catch-all advice to give since it all depends on various factors in your own personal situation*, but if I had to offer one thing I'd say to look into a psychologist or therapist in your area that has a reputation for being good with gender dysphoria issues. They can help act as a good solid soundingboard to help you plot what your plan of action will be from here on out; also they can help sort out what's what with regard to the mental tangles that've knotted you up throughout your life.

You don't have to be specific with your parents w/r/t what you're seeing a therapist for.

*how far you go in revealing things to others and who you tell depends on various things, including
Spoiler :
∴the type of parents you have/attitude of those who you are dependent on, and your level of dependency
∴the support groups available to you in the communities around you, and the resources they have to help inform and aid you
∴your personal financial security (unfortunately it's the most surefire backup plan/safety net to keep you from homelessness/losing a job in case the worst case scenario happens in testing the waters, and once you end up "falling through the cracks" your problems can compound.)

(that goes from most immediate dependency to least level of dependency. So you'd be able to be more open and forward if you're sure the people closest to you will be supportive and at least not reactionary about it. If not, then as long as you have good, reliable support networks, you can at least count on that if you want to be open and forward and can't 100% count on a positive reaction from those you're dependent on. If you can't be sure of either of the first two, then you'd have to have enough of a personal financial backup to start off on your own and weather a storm for a few months while you get resettled just in case the worst happens in being yourself.)

Also i make the offer to anyone here that if you ever end up in a tight emergency (like if you're about to get thrown out), I can always lend some golds to help you get back on your feet. something to keep in mind

Someone who's way better acquainted with queer groups (like campus queer groups) can probably give better specific advice on how to find those support networks. I'm not the best advice giver for this topic and you can easily disregard most things in this post if they look dumb; I only hope to point toward the right direction.

Finally, always remember we are all here for you to lend emotional support, fríend. You are on an adventure of discovery. Hopefully we can help encourage you along the way c:

[Image: RjvYOd.png]
(This post was last modified: 11-28-2015, 07:02 AM by Wheat.)
11-28-2015, 05:32 AM
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Loather
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#34
cool?

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Depending on where you live, finding a LGBTQ-friendly therapist isn't always possible. It's nice if you can get it, but it's not the end of the world if that's not currently an option!

Also, you absolutely need to make sure they're explicitly LGBTQ-friendly. I learned that the hard way, unfortunately.

The most important thing is to have people you can safely talk about this stuff with. I haven't been able to really act on my gender issues yet, but having a supportive circle of friends keeps me going.
11-28-2015, 08:54 AM
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AgentBlue
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#35
that escalated quickly

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Trust me Ki, you're not alone. This is probably the gayest collection of queer that's ever gayed on the internet, all of us in different niches and social/home situations. You can always talk to us and our extensive gayness!
11-28-2015, 10:30 AM
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AgentBlue
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#36
that escalated quickly

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As an addendum: There's something fundamental in the way you feel when you stop pretending to be someone you're not. It's like... every time someone misgendered you, or treated you in a way that was 'wrong', somehow, or gave you the wrong clothes and the wrong presents, you got a rock added to this big pilgrim's progress-esque burden on your shoulders. And you carried around this burden every day of your life, it getting heavier and heavier, until you forgot what it was like to live without it. You told yourself 'this is fine'. You pretended that you liked having a slowly-crushing weight on your back. No one else complained, right?

Stopping this lie to yourself is admitting that you don't want to be unhappy for the rest of your life. It's remembering what it was like not to have that pain, and striving to have those rocks removed from your burden, one at at time. Every friendly acceptance. Every correct pronoun. Every moment things felt 'right' and not 'wrong'.

And one day you'll find bird jesus realize the burden is gone, and it's been replaced with balloons or some shit. This metaphor got away from me
11-28-2015, 04:47 PM
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Papers
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#37
 

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Dang, that blog gets me

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11-28-2015, 06:31 PM
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Kíeros
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#38
🌈🐙👽 (gay tentacle alien)

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(11-28-2015, 05:32 AM)Wheat Wrote: I mentioned gender war because you said "Like, my parents don't know that I'm X and now I might also be Y?" and I thought you were talking about gender, and not just talking vaguely, or about which gen 6 pokemon game you are a player of.
Okay, yeah, that was kind of vague. Then again, it also was written literally at 2AM, so it was kind of unclear. Fully explaining, I haven't come out to my parents as asexual yet, and so that's why I'm sort of worried.

(11-28-2015, 05:32 AM)Wheat Wrote: There's no catch-all advice to give since it all depends on various factors in your own personal situation*, but if I had to offer one thing I'd say to look into a psychologist or therapist in your area that has a reputation for being good with gender dysphoria issues. They can help act as a good solid soundingboard to help you plot what your plan of action will be from here on out; also they can help sort out what's what with regard to the mental tangles that've knotted you up throughout your life.

You don't have to be specific with your parents w/r/t what you're seeing a therapist for.
Yeah, our school has a counceling center, and I'm planning on going to visit it sometime. I might talk to some of the people in the LGBT group first, to see if they know about our how it works, but I think they might be okay. Better safe than sorry, as Loather said, and I really need to be cautious because it's a Lutheran school (aka yeah probably pretty conservative). And besides, I've had some form of depression for forever and have gone to school therapists for that before; I don't think my parents would question why I was going again.

(11-28-2015, 05:32 AM)Wheat Wrote: Finally, always remember we are all here for you to lend emotional support, fríend. You are on an adventure of discovery. Hopefully we can help encourage you along the way c:
(11-28-2015, 08:54 AM)Loather Wrote: The most important thing is to have people you can safely talk about this stuff with. I haven't been able to really act on my gender issues yet, but having a supportive circle of friends keeps me going.
(11-28-2015, 10:30 AM)AgentBlue Wrote: Trust me Ki, you're not alone. This is probably the gayest collection of queer that's ever gayed on the internet, all of us in different niches and social/home situations. You can always talk to us and our extensive gayness!
Thanks you all. Like I said, I know most of the people here, so that's why I'm talking out here first, rather than some other place.
11-28-2015, 08:59 PM
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Plaid
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#39
super gay

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I made a comic about coming out and exhibited it at pride! Its here (and huge)

Its better read vertically rather than horizontally but i'm not ur mum



Anyway i think it went over pretty well! There was a crowd around reading it at a couple points so i feel good

[Image: WEdy1pW.png] [Image: cyTsdj6.png]
[Image: 30058_799389.png]
03-19-2016, 07:08 AM
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Reyweld
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#40
zip

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Canadon't know please send help
Fact Seagull That is a very well made comic.

Sig:
Spoiler :
(03-02-2015, 02:07 AM)Papers Wrote: i don't know what i expected from reyweld's new hawkspace thread
(06-02-2016, 04:16 AM)Schazer Wrote: Tokyo could kick your scrawny ass

---

[Image: egg008.png?raw=1] [Image: egg008.png?raw=1] [Image: egg008.png?raw=1] [Image: egg008.png?raw=1] [Image: egg008.png?raw=1] [Image: egg008.png?raw=1] [Image: egg008.png?raw=1]
my babies
03-19-2016, 02:21 PM
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Plaid
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#41
super gay

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Ty :>

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03-19-2016, 02:42 PM
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Akumu
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#42
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That's a really well-made piece, Plaid!
(This post was last modified: 03-19-2016, 04:06 PM by Akumu.)
03-19-2016, 04:03 PM
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SleepingOrange
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#43
Mirror Universe Evil Twin

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Happy Down With Cis Day, everyone
04-04-2016, 11:07 PM
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ICan'tGiveCredit
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#44
Demonic Kitchen Appliance

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The deepest, most petrifying depths of your local Wal-Mart
can't we just call it Trump the Trump day and call it... a day?

"A day without a laugh is a day wasted."
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04-04-2016, 11:30 PM
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Jacquerel
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#45
 

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it's the anniversary of The Down With Cis Bus today, or so I have been led to believe
04-04-2016, 11:42 PM
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Schazer
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#46
Patron Saint of Normcore

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Nippon
Swear to god that thing was several years old by this point
04-04-2016, 11:53 PM
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Solaris
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#47
Lonely Rolling Star

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Imagine Cucumber
it was an instant classic, an unforgettable and Completely Real Event that we should celebrate every year imo

I wanna be a real friend, Don't wanna break when I bend
I wanna a be no seeker, I wanna scream eureka
04-05-2016, 07:07 AM
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NonAnalogue
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#48
Stay fresh!

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(11-28-2015, 03:11 AM)Kíeros Wrote: Okay, I said I was going to do this... well, technically today. This is going to be long and somewhat NSFW, so I'm just going to put all the back stuff in a spoiler.
...
I don't really know what to do.

So, uh, just to throw this out there, I know it's an old post, but that entire spoiler is so close to how I feel, it's a little spooky. Like, right even down to closetedtransgirlopinions having a major role in your realization. So I get how you're feeling.

Also, hi everyone, I'm trans, I didn't mean for this to be like the second thing I ever posted here, but seriously I could have written that post and it spoke to me.
04-08-2016, 12:53 AM
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Sanzh
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#49
breaking the law

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west coast represent
it feels weird having not posted here when eagle time's community was pretty important in helping me realize I am, in fact, aggressively bisexual

also I have maaaybe been having weird gender feelings as of late (which I've offhandedly mentioned in IRC) but I'unno if I feel comfortable like, expounding on that (or even capable of really articulating it)? but I might blather about that at some point, I'unno
04-08-2016, 04:03 AM
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SleepingOrange
 RE: LGBTQ Awareness/Help Threade
#50
Mirror Universe Evil Twin

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smash all gender

The eagle time community and its presence in my life are baaasically the only reasons I have any understanding of my own gender identity or skill as a writer, which is sometimes a weird thought to have, but is also pretty cool.
04-08-2016, 08:16 PM
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