ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND

ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
#1
ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN ACCUSED OF HAVING OPINIONS ON THE INTERNET. THIS CRIME CARRIES THE WORLDS MOST HARSH PUNISHMENT; BEING SENT TO ABBOTT ISLAND AND HAVING A VIDEO RECORDER STRAPPED TO YOUR PERSON THROUGHOUT.

IN THIS, THE JUST FUTURE OF OBAMAS AMERICA YOUR TRIAL IS SWIFT AND NONEXISTANT, YOU ARE STRAPPED INTO A PLANE AND DROPPED INTO THE MIDDLE OF WHAT USED TO BE ALICE SPRINGS, BUT IS NOW KNOWN AS "TONYTOWN #445".


IN THIS SITUATION, ONE MUST KNOW WHO THEY ARE. SO WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DID YOU DO FOR A LIVING? WHAT WERE YOUR DREAMS? WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

WHO ARE YOU?
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#2
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
A BUTT
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#3
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
TONY
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#4
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
A BOTT
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#5
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
THIS CRAB
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#6
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
(09-25-2014, 07:25 AM)SleepingOrange Wrote: »THIS CRAB

THIS
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#7
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
(09-25-2014, 05:08 AM)☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ Wrote: »TONY

(09-25-2014, 05:12 AM)Schazer Wrote: »A BOTT

YOU ARE TONY A. BOTT. CONVICTED OF THE CRIME OF KINDA LIKING SPEEDOS. DISGUSTING.

WHAT ARE YOUR SKILLS TONY, WHAT REAL WORLD KNOWLEDGE DO YOU POSSESS TO GET OFF OF THIS ISLAND OF ABBOTTS. QUICKLY, TELL EVERYONE BEFORE A TONY ABBOTT FINDS YOU.
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#8
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
You have the power of finding, controlling and flinging crab. You use these powers for crab fishing
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#9
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE PEOPLE TALK IN ALL CAPS

IT HAS NEVER HELPED YOU IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM
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#10
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
(09-25-2014, 01:52 PM)Dragon Fogel Wrote: »YOU HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE PEOPLE TALK IN ALL CAPS

IT HAS NEVER HELPED YOU IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM

It has helped you in a prism-like manner, your sound waves turn into rainbows which you can walk on. But the platforms only remain for as long as you can shout.
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#11
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
(09-25-2014, 12:11 PM)yd12k Wrote: »You have the power of finding, controlling and flinging crab. You use these powers for crab fishing

(09-25-2014, 01:52 PM)Dragon Fogel Wrote: »YOU HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE PEOPLE TALK IN ALL CAPS

IT HAS NEVER HELPED YOU IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM

YOU ARE TONY A.BOTT AND YOU HAVE BEEN CONVICTED OF THE CRIME OF SHOUTING AT CRABS, DEPLORABLE.

YOU ARE A CARCINMANCER AND A PANICKY SOUL, YOU HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OF CRABS AND ARE ABLE TO CAUSE PEOPLE TO BOTH TYPE, AND TALK IN ALL CAPITALS. NEITHER OF THESE ABILITIES ARE HELPFUL.

YOU STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ABANDONED SHOPPING DISTRICT, YOU FAINTLY HEAR "oi, you got a visa mate" FROM MANY MILES AWAY. THE ONLY STORES NOT BOARDED UP ARE THE LIBRARY, THE PUB AND TRAVEL AGENCY. THE TRAVEL AGENCY IS ADVERTISING FREE BOAT TRIPS.

WHERE WILL YOU GO?
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#12
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
DESTROY THE TRAVEL AGENCY
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#13
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
APPLY FOR A JOB AT THE TRAVEL AGENCY
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#14
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
(09-26-2014, 04:48 AM)Schazer Wrote: »DESTROY THE TRAVEL AGENCY

(09-26-2014, 04:49 AM)☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ Wrote: »APPLY FOR A JOB AT THE TRAVEL AGENCY

YOU ARE TONY A.BOTT CONVICTED OF THE CRIME OF STEALING HARDWORKING AUSTRALIANS JOBS. DESPICABLE.

YOU WILL ENTER THE TRAVEL AGENCY, AND GET A JOB. THUS INDIRECTLY DESTROYING THE ECONOMY AND DEPRIVING IT OF ALL CUSTOMERS. CLEARLY THIS IS HOW IT WORKS.

YOU WALK IN AND THE DOOR SLAMS BEHIND YOU. TONY ABBOTT IS THERE, HE LOOKS AT YOU WITH THOSE STERN EYES OF HIS AND SAYS "you don't like boats do you mate?"

IT WAS A TRAP, TONY ABBOTT HAS A PAIR OF TONGS AND A PORTABLE BARBECUE, YOU BEST THINK OF SOMEWAY OUT OF HERE.


THE TRAVEL AGENCY IS A SMALL OFFICE, JUST TWO ROOMS. BEHIND THE DESK IS A LARGE AQUARIUM AND A P.A SYSTEM.
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#15
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
SHOW NO FEAR

CONTINUE TO APPLY FOR JOB
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#16
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
THROW THAT SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE
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#17
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
SHOW THIS "A P.A" HOW IT'S DONE AND "ABA." THAT IS TO SAY CHALLENGE TONY ABBOTT TO A GAME OF BASKETBALL WITH A BASKETBALL COLORED LIKE THE AMERICAN FLAG
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#18
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
(09-26-2014, 09:32 AM)cyber95 Wrote: »SHOW NO FEAR

CONTINUE TO APPLY FOR JOB

(09-26-2014, 01:29 PM)Schazer Wrote: »THROW THAT SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE

(09-26-2014, 05:31 PM)☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ Wrote: »SHOW THIS "A P.A" HOW IT'S DONE AND "ABA." THAT IS TO SAY CHALLENGE TONY ABBOTT TO A GAME OF BASKETBALL WITH A BASKETBALL COLORED LIKE THE AMERICAN FLAG


YOU FLING THE CRAB FROM AQUARIUM AND WRITE YOUR JOB APPLICATION ON IT, THEN FLING IT UPON THE BARBEQUE OF TONY. TONY BEING THE TRUE PATRIOT HE IS SEES THIS STUNNING DISPLAY OF AUSTRALIANISM AND ALLOWS YOU THE PLEASURE OF HIM READING YOUR JOB APPLICATION.

IT WASN'T A JOB APPLICATION AT ALL, IT'S A CHALLENGE. A BASKETBALL CHALLENGE. TRULY TONY HAS MADE A FATAL MISTAKE READING THIS, AS THEY CAN SIMPLY NOT DENY A SPORTING CHALLENGE.

TONY ACCEPTS YOUR CHALLENGE, AND WRITES THE DIRECTIONS TO THE BBALL COURT ON THE BOTTOM OF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO YOU. HE LEAVES.


THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE YOU BOAT LOVING FUCK.
WHAT WILL YOU DO.
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#19
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Summon the spirit of Charles Barkley to help you gain bball powers.
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#20
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
(09-27-2014, 10:45 AM)yd12k Wrote: »Summon the spirit of Charles Barkley to help you gain bball powers.

CHARELS BARKLEY IS DEAD. YOU WOULD KNOW, YOU WERE CONVICTED OF THE CRIME OF KILLING THEM.

YOU TRY AND SUMMON CHARELS BARKLEY, A STRAY AMERICAN FLAG FLOATS BY. IT TWISTS AND TURNS IN A TORNDADO LIKE FASHION AND A BASKETBALL FLIES OUT THE TOP. AN EAGLE SHEDS A TEAR.
THE BALL BOUNCES TOWARDS YOU AND LANDS AT YOUR FEET. IT SPLITS OPEN AS IF IT WERE SOME SORT OF SPORTING CLAM.
INSIDE THE BASKETBALL IS A NOTE. IT READS "Man, fuck you"

CHARLES IS STILL BITTER IT SEEMS. WHAT DO?
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#21
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
carve the basketball into a machete with your machete
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#22
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Carve the basketball into a likeness of Charles Barkley
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#23
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
(09-29-2014, 05:43 PM)☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ Wrote: »carve the basketball into a machete with your machete

(10-01-2014, 11:00 AM)ICantGiveCredit Wrote: »Carve the basketball into a likeness of Charles Barkley

YOU ARE TONY A.BOTT AND YOU WERE CONVICTED FOR THE CRIME OF OWNING A WEAPON IN OBAMAS AMERICA THAT WASN'T A BEAR.

YOU TAKE OUT YOUR MACHETE, IT DOESN'T EXIST! THE AUTHORITIES MUST HAVE STRIPPED YOU OF ALL YOUR USEFUL KNICK KNACKS WHEN THEY ARRESTED YOU. YOU LOOK INTO YOUR FUCKING INVENTORY.

FUCKING INVENTORY:
  • ONE FUCKING GRILL WITH THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS TO THE FUCKING BASKETBALL COURT ON IT
  • ONE FUCKING CRAB
  • TWO FUCKING SHIRT BUTTONS
  • ONE FUCKING TINY ASS FUCKING POSTCARD FROM THE FUCKING AUTHORITIES THAT FUCKING PUT YOU ON THIS FUCKING FUCKED ISLAND OF FUCKED FUCKERS.

YOU HEAR "OI, mate, where the bloody hell are ya?" COME FROM THE DIRECTION OF THE BASKETBALL COURT.

WHAT WILL YOU DO?
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#24
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
SPORTS
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#25
RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
JUMP ON THE POSTCARD
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