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ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
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AgentBlue
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #51
that escalated quickly

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rip off your mask to reveal malcolm turnbull

Let me out Stay safe inside | You're not kind | Ethics are overrated | What is life | Men are pigs | I'm so drunk | EAT ME NOW | Click clack fuck | Is this right Only money matters | Change my clothes | Little sun rising | One cat's future | Wax and wane | Dark times ahead
----
So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
----
Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime
05-07-2017 08:36 AM
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AgentBlue
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #52
that escalated quickly

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or, as they call him, blandpm

Let me out Stay safe inside | You're not kind | Ethics are overrated | What is life | Men are pigs | I'm so drunk | EAT ME NOW | Click clack fuck | Is this right Only money matters | Change my clothes | Little sun rising | One cat's future | Wax and wane | Dark times ahead
----
So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
----
Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime
05-07-2017 08:36 AM
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Myeth
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #53
Eternal screeching

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>TELL HIM TO STOP FLIRTING WITH YOU, YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS SHRUB.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
05-07-2017 02:38 PM
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bigro
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #54
Please explain

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(05-07-2017 08:31 AM)Robust Laser Wrote:  Throw a poke ball at it

(05-07-2017 08:36 AM)AgentBlue Wrote:  rip off your mask to reveal malcolm turnbull

(05-07-2017 08:36 AM)AgentBlue Wrote:  or, as they call him, blandpm

(05-07-2017 02:38 PM)Myeth Wrote:  >TELL HIM TO STOP FLIRTING WITH YOU, YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS SHRUB.

YOU ARE TONY A.BOTT CONVICTED FOR THE CRIME OF SECRETLY BEING VARIOUS POLITICIANS FROM ACROSS THE GLOBE ONLY TO REVEAL THIS FACT AT THE MOST INOPPORTUNE MOMENT AND CAUSE WIDESPREAD TURMOIL AND UNREST. THAT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF IMPRESSIVE.

YOUR FIRST LINE OF DEFENCE AGAINST A ROUGE JOB OFFER (BEING THE NOTORIOUS WELFARE QUEEN THAT YOU ARE, THIS IS PURE HORROR) IS TO CONFUSE THE UNSUSPECTING EMPLOYER WITH SOMETHING THAT WILL LEAVE THEM DISTRACTED LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO GET AWAY, NOT UNLIKE A SQUID BEING CONFRONTED BY A SHARK YOU WILL SHIT IN THEIR FACE. METAPHORICALLY OF COURSE.
"NO, YOU JOIN MY TEAM" YOU SCREAM AT TONY AS YOU THROW SOME CHEAP PLASTIC JAPANESE CAT HERDING FRANCHISE MEMORABILIA THAT YOU HAD BEEN HARBOURING UP YOUR ANUS THIS ENTIRE TIME JUST FOR THIS EXACT MOMENT.
"mate..." TONY SAYS AS HE SIMPLY BATS IT AWAY, UNSWAYED BY ITS WIDE MARKET APPEAL AND STRANGELY ALLURING DESIGN.

DRAT, IT'S TIME FOR THE SECOND LINE OF DEFENCE. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SIMPLY DECLINE HIS OFFER CITING AN ON THE SPOT REASONING THAT MAY OR MAY NOT ACTUALLY BE TRUE. LETS FACE IT, YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING BETTER, THERE'S NO REAL REASON NOT TO TAKE THE JOB OTHER THAN BEING SUPREMELY LAZY. WHICH YOU ARE. SO LAZY IN FACT, YOU ARE GOING TO A GREAT EFFORT NOT TO TAKE A JOB THAT WOULD EQUATE TO DOING EXACTLY NOTHING BECAUSE IT'S AN OXYMORON IN AND OF ITSELF.
"I CANNOT TAKE THIS JOB" YOU SAY "FOR MY SPOUSE WISHES I SPEND MORE TIME WITH THE FAMILY, ISN'T THAT RIGHT SHNOOKUMS" YOU SAY AS YOU CARESS THE SHRUBS RUGGED FOLIAGE PASSIONATELY.
"Uhhhh" TONY MUMBLES "Didn't I outlaw cross kingdom relationships a few years back?"
ANOTHER TONY LEAPS OUT OF THE SCRUB TO REAFFIRM HIM THAT HE HAD IN FACT DONE THIS. THERE ARE NOW TWO TONY ABBOTTS CURRENTLY FACING YOU.

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR THIRD AND FINAL LINE OF DEFENCE. THE MOST DRASTIC ONE, BUT THESE ARE THE SACRIFICES ONE MUST MAKE FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF US ALL.
YOU TEAR OFF YOUR OWN FACE, ALL THE COLOUR DRAINS FROM YOUR BODY, AND ALSO AN IMMEDIATE 5 METERS AROUND YOU. IT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING, YOU HAVE REVEALED THAT YOU ARE IN FACT MALCOLM TURNBULL.
THE TONIES START TO SWEAT NERVOUSLY. YOU ARE TRULY A WORTHY ADVERSARY TO THESE BUDGIE SMUGGLING GOONS.

HOW WILL YOU DISPENSE DUE PROCESS TO THESE ROWDY CUSTOMERS.
05-14-2017 12:27 PM
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Robust Laser
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #55
spoopybug

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bureaucracy

[Image: egg009.png?raw=1] PowerfulFriendly Baby[Image: egg009.png?raw=1] Also this? [Image: rTyHuiB.png]
05-14-2017 12:41 PM
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Dragon Fogel
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #56
The Goddamn Pacman

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Trick the Tonys into doing it to each other, that way it's less work for you.

There's no reason for this | Or this | Death is inevitable | You can't challenge fate | The smallest change | I'm overwhelmed
I'm serious | It makes perfect sense | Easy as ABC! | I can't even explain it | Cleaning up someone else's mess
I suck | I rule | I've got it made | Really, I'm serious | This bugs me | It's all lies | I want to believe | Beauty is a curse
05-14-2017 06:15 PM
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☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #57
i'm rad as hell, and i'm not gonna take it anymore

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send in the corbynistas
05-14-2017 09:11 PM
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ICan'tGiveCredit
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #58
Demonic Kitchen Appliance

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call upon the heaven's to infuse your gavel with the energy needed to SLAY THE EXTRAORDINARY

amount of paperwork you have to fill out

"A day without a laugh is a day wasted."
[Image: Iv0bTLS.png][Image: Sm02KV6.png]
05-15-2017 12:54 AM
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bigro
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #59
Please explain

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(05-14-2017 12:41 PM)Robust Laser Wrote:  bureaucracy

(05-14-2017 06:15 PM)Dragon Fogel Wrote:  Trick the Tonys into doing it to each other, that way it's less work for you.

(05-14-2017 09:11 PM)☆ C.H.W.O.K.A ☆ Wrote:  send in the corbynistas

(05-15-2017 12:54 AM)ICantGiveCredit Wrote:  call upon the heaven's to infuse your gavel with the energy needed to SLAY THE EXTRAORDINARY

amount of paperwork you have to fill out

YOU ARE TONY A.BOTT EXCEPT YOU AREN'T REALLY, YOU'RE MALCOLM TURNBULL, SENTENCED TO EXILE ON THE ISLE OF TONIES AS YOU ARE THE ONLY THING THAT CAN DEFEAT THEM.

YOU HOLD YOUR HAND TO THE SKY UNCEREMONIOUSLY AND A FAT STACK OF PAPERWORK APPEARS WITHIN YOUR HAND IMMEDIATELY. YOU CONJURE THE GAVEL OF ENERGY FROM THE LIFE FORCE OF THESE TWO TONIES, KILLING THEM INSTANTLY. AS YOU BEGIN TO FILL OUT THE RELEVANT PAPERWORK IN TRIPLICATE TO CONFIRM YOU HAVE IN FACT DEFEATED THESE TWO TONIES, YOU FIND YOURSELF SURROUNDED BY A GROUP OF NERVOUSLY OBSERVANT TONIES WATCHING FROM AFAR. THEIR WORST NIGHTMARE, A GREY WIZARD TRAINED IN THE ARTS OF THE LEADERSHIP SPILL HAS FINALLY COME. YOU BANG YOUR GAVEL, SEALING THE ANCIENT RUNES PAPERWORK IN PLACE. THIS COMPELS THE WATCHING TONIES TO QUESTION THEMSELVES, ARE THEY IN FACT THE ULTIMATE SUPREME LEADER THEY THINK THEY ARE IF THIS CAN DEFEAT THEM? THIS SHORT CIRCUITS THEIR SIMPLE CIRCUITS AND THEY ALL BEGIN TO FILL OUT PAPERWORK FURIOUSLY TO STOP THE OTHER TONIES.

KILL COUNT: 54

A SUBPRIME TONY APPEARS TO INVESTIGATE THE COMMOTION. ONE OF THE INNER CIRCLE OF TONIES, A TRULY RARE AND AWESOME SIGHT. THROWING DOWN THE GAVEL YOU VANISH IN A PUFF OF LEGAL AND OCHS COMPLIANT SMOKE. THE SUBPRIME TONY NOT AMUSED BY THIS DISPLAY IS SHOCKED TO SEE A GROUP OF CORBYNISTAS STANDING WHERE YOU ONCE WERE. THIS SHOULD SERVE AS ENOUGH OF A DISTRACTION AS YOU FORMULATE A PLAN TO TAKE OVER THIS COUNTRY. BUT FIRST, HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS SUBPRIME TONY. HE IS MORE POWERFUL THAN THE USUAL TONY AND COULD POSE A CHALLENGE TO YOU.

WHAT IS THE GAMEPLAN.
05-15-2017 01:59 AM
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ICan'tGiveCredit
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #60
Demonic Kitchen Appliance

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shoot a slam dunk into the goal, then steal third base.

i believe the score is 15/Love in your favor?

"A day without a laugh is a day wasted."
[Image: Iv0bTLS.png][Image: Sm02KV6.png]
05-15-2017 02:09 AM
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Myeth
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #61
Eternal screeching

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CALL HIS MOTHER

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
05-15-2017 06:49 AM
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Schazer
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #62
Patron Saint of Normcore

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Unleash snakes

peace to the unsung peace to the martyrs | i'm johnny rotten appleseed
clouds is shaky love | broke as hell but i got a bunch of ringtones
eyes blood red bruise aubergine | Sue took something now Sue doesn't sleep | saint average, day in the life of
woke up in the noon smelling doom and death | out the house, great outdoors
staying warm in arctic blizzard | that's my battle 'til I get inanimate | still up in the same clothes living like a gameshow
05-15-2017 07:07 AM
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bigro
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #63
Please explain

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(05-15-2017 02:09 AM)ICantGiveCredit Wrote:  shoot a slam dunk into the goal, then steal third base.

i believe the score is 15/Love in your favor?

(05-15-2017 06:49 AM)Myeth Wrote:  CALL HIS MOTHER

(05-15-2017 07:07 AM)Schazer Wrote:  Unleash snakes

YOU ARE TONY A.BOTT INCARCERATED FOR THE ILL MEANING ACTION THAT WAS IMPERSONATING A MORE INTERESTING PERSON TO GAIN INTROSPECT OF LIVES TO AN INCREDIBLE DEGREE.

THINKING QUICKLY YOU STEAL THIRD BASE TO USE AS A METHOD OF WRITING DOWN THE GAME PLAN. YOU BITE THE TIP OF YOUR INDEX FINGER AND BEGIN TO WRITE IN BLOOD THE PLAN.

FIRST YOU WILL UNLEASH SNAKES. THIS SHOULD DISTRACT HIM LONG ENOUGH THAT YOU CAN THEN CALL HIS MOTHER WHICH WILL IN TURN RELEASE MORE SNAKES, AS IS HOW IT IS WITH MOTHERS. WHILE THERE ARE YET MORE SNAKES HE WILL BE UNABLE TO STOP YOU FROM SLAM DUNKING AN ILLEGAL SAWN OF FIREARM INTO THE GOAL. IT JUST MAKES SENSE. THE GOAL OF COURSE, IS HIS MOUTH. HOPEFULLY THIS COLOURFUL DISPLAY OF CREATIVITY HAS NOT GIVEN AWAY THAT YOU ARE IN FACT NOT MALCOLM TURNBULL.

YOU PUT THE PLAN INTO ACTION AND FIRST RELEASE SOME SNAKES, ON YOUR PHONE, IT'S SNAKEii THE HIT SENSATION VIDEO GAME. TONY IS UNPREPARED AND UNABLE TO STOP HIMSELF FROM PLAYING IT.
BUT WHAT'S THIS? THERE'S A CALL. RING RING A DINGALING MOTHERFUCKER ITS THE QUEEN HERE TO CONDEMN YOUR ACTIONS AS CRASS AND UNNEEDED FOR THE LONG TERM FUTURE OF THE COUNTRY AND ITS PEOPLE. THE QUEEN IS THROWING ABSOLUTE SHADE AT THIS PATHETIC MANCHILD AND HE IS NOT TAKING IT WELL, HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR AND THE NOVELTY SIZED SNAKE GUMMIES FALL OUT OF HIS POCKETS. OH GOD ITS EVERYWHERE. THE LACK OF ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS AND PRESERVATIVES STAINS THE GROUND BELOW HIM.

SEIZING THE OPPORTUNITY WHILE HE IS WRITHING IN A PIT OF COLOURFUL CONFECTIONERY GOODS YOU STEP INTO HIS VIEW AND FLEX YOUR SAWN OFF BICEPS AT HIM.
THE SUB PRIME TONY IMMEDIATELY SHUTS DOWN IN A DISPLAY OF PURE INFERIORITY COMPLEX. INFUCKINGCREDIBLE, YOU ACTUALLY DID IT. YOU TEAR OFF YOUR FACE ONCE AGAIN AND THE GRAY AURA DISSIPATES FROM THE GENERAL AREA.

WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN. CAN ANYONE STOP YOU ON YOUR RAMPAGE? DO YOU EVEN NEED TO ESCAPE THIS ISLAND? ARE YOU TRULY "IN YOUR ELEMENT" AS IT WERE? FIND OUT
05-17-2017 04:18 AM
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Dragon Fogel
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #64
The Goddamn Pacman

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Take over the island, then escape so you can watch on as it descends into chaos without you.

There's no reason for this | Or this | Death is inevitable | You can't challenge fate | The smallest change | I'm overwhelmed
I'm serious | It makes perfect sense | Easy as ABC! | I can't even explain it | Cleaning up someone else's mess
I suck | I rule | I've got it made | Really, I'm serious | This bugs me | It's all lies | I want to believe | Beauty is a curse
05-17-2017 04:21 AM
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AgentBlue
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #65
that escalated quickly

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Attach it to eurovisionpe

Let me out Stay safe inside | You're not kind | Ethics are overrated | What is life | Men are pigs | I'm so drunk | EAT ME NOW | Click clack fuck | Is this right Only money matters | Change my clothes | Little sun rising | One cat's future | Wax and wane | Dark times ahead
----
So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
----
Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime
05-17-2017 05:08 AM
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bigro
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #66
Please explain

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(05-17-2017 04:21 AM)Dragon Fogel Wrote:  Take over the island, then escape so you can watch on as it descends into chaos without you.

(05-17-2017 05:08 AM)AgentBlue Wrote:  Attach it to eurovisionpe

YOU ARE TONY A.BOTT, CONVICTED FOR THE CRIME OF UNLAWFUL CONTINENTAL DRIFTING. DEJA VU.

IT DAWNS ON YOU, THESE TONIES ARE JUST RIGHT LITTLE PUNKS. THEY CAN'T STAND UP TO YOUR SUPERIOR AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM. ESPECIALLY NOT YOURS SPECIFICALLY. YOU ARE TRULY AN EXCEPTIONAL CASE OF AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM. SO LIKE ANY SANE PERSON WOULD YOU ARE GOING TO CLAIM THIS LAND AS YOUR OWN. THAT'LL SHOW THESE MONARCHIST TWATS. A LITTLE TASTE OF THEIR OWN MEDICINE. HAHA.

BUT FIRST THINGS FIRST YOU NEED TO WATCH YOUR FAVOURITE™ TELEVISION PROGRAM EUROVISION. ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE AUSTRALIA WAS IN IT BUT WHAT HO ARE THINGS GOING TO CHANGE NOW. YOU SIGNAL TO A WAYWARD TONY TO BRING YOU A TELEVISION AND A RECLINER AND HE MOVES AT A LIGHTNING PACE IN ORDER TO BRING HIS NEW MASTER THE ITEMS HE DESIRES. MOMENTS LATER YOU ARE SITTING IN THE BANKS OF THE TODD RIVER IN A NICE LEATHER RECLINER WATCHING A TV POWERED BY 4 TONIES ON STATIONARY EXERCISE BICYCLES. THIS IS THE LIFE. THIS IS LIVING. THIS IS THE DREAM. THE AMERICAN DREAM, BUT ON TONY ISLAND.

YOU FLIP THE CHANNEL TO CHANNEL 3, THE LUDICROUS AND ILLEGAL FOREIGN SMUT CHANNEL. BUT WHAT'S THIS? STATIC???
"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE" YOU LOUDLY ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD, FORGETTING THAT OBAMA OUTLAWED THE ENTIRE SUPER CONTINENT OF AFRO-EURASIA FROM EVER BROADCASTING THROUGH AN AMERICAN INVENTION.

WHAT CHANNEL WILL YOU WATCH INSTEAD?
05-17-2017 10:21 AM
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Tuesday
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #67
 

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The Yule log
05-17-2017 05:55 PM
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Myeth
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #68
Eternal screeching

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>That weird baby channel with the swirly bull they use to hypnotize babbers and make them worship butterflies and shit i dunno.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
05-18-2017 01:28 PM
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bigro
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #69
Please explain

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(05-17-2017 05:55 PM)Tuesday Wrote:  The Yule log

(05-18-2017 01:28 PM)Myeth Wrote:  >That weird baby channel with the swirly bull they use to hypnotize babbers and make them worship butterflies and shit i dunno.

YOU ARE TONY A.BOTT ARRESTED FOR THE HEINOUS CRIME OF DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. JUST A WASTE OF TIME.

THE TELEVISION SET SHOWS A SNOWY STATIC SO YOU THROW A NEARBY CRAB AT IT KNOCKING IT ONTO THE LATEST HIT SHOW, TONY ABBOTTS PROPAGANDA SPECIAL. A SHOW FOR BABIES, BUT YOU ARE INTERESTED ANYWAY.
TONY ABBOTT AS A BABY, A MUSCULAR BABY, APPEARS ON THE SCREEN HOLDING A RED CAPE. IT CUTS TO A SHOT OF A LARGE BULL YOU CAN ONLY ASSUME IS TO REPRESENT THE TURNBULL ITSELF. HOWEVER IT IS NOT ACCURATE, AS THIS BULL IS WILDLY COLOURFUL AND OCCASIONALLY FLASHES BETWEEN RED AND BLUE AT 40HZ. INTERESTING TECHNIQUE EMPLOYED BY THE ABBOTT ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY. A LOCAL WANDERING TONY INFORMS YOU THIS IS TO DISTRACT BABIES WITH A SEIZURE AS THEY QUIETLY EXECUTE THEIR PARENTS.
YOU ASK WHAT THEY DO WITH THE BABIES AFTERWARDS, HE JUST SHRUGS. IT SEEMS NOT ALL TONIES ARE IN THE KNOW.
AS THE SHOW GOES ON THE BABY TONY IS ACTING AS A MATADOR FOR THIS HULKING MASS OF SWIRLING COLOUR. NEAR THE END AS DOOM SEEMS IMMINENT FOR TINY TONY WITH THE BULL CHARGING HEAD ON DOWN A TIGHT CORRIDOR, THE SMALL POLITICIAN WRAPS ITS RED CAPE AROUND ITSELF AND TRANSFORMS INTO A BUTTERFLY.
THIS SEEMS TO HAVE CAUSED A STIR IN YOUR LOYAL TONY PEDDLERS, AS THEY ALL BEGIN TO PEDDLE HARDER. TOO HARD IN FACT, THE TV CATCHES FIRE.
BUT FEAR NOT, WATCHING THE FLAMES DANCE IS ALSO A WONDERFUL WAY TO ENTERTAIN YOURSELF BEING A YULE LOG ENTHUSIAST THAT YOU ARE.
THE TONIES ARE PEDDLING WITH ALL THEIR MIGHT NOW AND ONE COLLAPSES. INTRIGUING.
AT THIS MOMENT YOU HEAR A STIR FROM A BUSH.

WHAT WILL YOU DO?
05-20-2017 08:22 AM
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AgentBlue
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #70
that escalated quickly

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Find Anastacia Palascuzck

Let me out Stay safe inside | You're not kind | Ethics are overrated | What is life | Men are pigs | I'm so drunk | EAT ME NOW | Click clack fuck | Is this right Only money matters | Change my clothes | Little sun rising | One cat's future | Wax and wane | Dark times ahead
----
So very British / But then again | People are machines Machines are people | Oh hai there | There's no time
----
Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime
05-20-2017 08:46 AM
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Dragon Fogel
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #71
The Goddamn Pacman

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Tell Jeb Bush to stop stirring so loudly, then ask him what he's even doing on Abbott Island in the first place.

There's no reason for this | Or this | Death is inevitable | You can't challenge fate | The smallest change | I'm overwhelmed
I'm serious | It makes perfect sense | Easy as ABC! | I can't even explain it | Cleaning up someone else's mess
I suck | I rule | I've got it made | Really, I'm serious | This bugs me | It's all lies | I want to believe | Beauty is a curse
05-20-2017 08:56 AM
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bigro
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #72
Please explain

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(05-20-2017 08:56 AM)Dragon Fogel Wrote:  Tell Jeb Bush to stop stirring so loudly, then ask him what he's even doing on Abbott Island in the first place.

YOU ARE JEB BUSH, CONVICTED FOR THE CRIME OF BEING LOW ENERGY. IT'S JUST NOT TRUE, THEY ALWAYS DO THIS, ACCUSE YOU OF BEING LOW ENERGY ITS THE STANDARD PROCEDURE AND YOU KNOW IT. AND FOR THE RECORD, YOU ARE NOT A MESS.

YOU ARE STARING OUT FROM A BUSH AT SOME GUY THAT SEEMS POWERFUL. YOU WERE DROPPED INTO THIS HELLSCAPE OVER A YEAR AGO, THE TONIES GAVE YOU TROUBLE AT FIRST BUT THEY EVENTUALLY DEEMED YOU NOT TO BE A THREAT. THIS GUY ON THE OTHER HAND IS JUST FELL OUT THE SKY AND IMMEDIATELY BEGAN TO CAUSE A RUCKUS. HELL, A SUBPRIME TONY EVEN GOT INVOLVED! WHAT A MESS! YOU'RE GOING TO PUT A STOP TO THIS, MAYBE YOU CAN GAIN FAVOUR WITH THE TONIES.
YOU STIR YOUR SPECIAL RECIPE GUAC READY TO USE AGAINST THIS ENIGMA OF A MAN. HE STANDS NO CHANCE.

==================================================================

YOU ARE TONY A.BOTT CONVICTED OF THE CRIME OF COMMITTING IMPOSSIBLE ACTS, WHY? WE JUST DON'T KNOW.

YOU PHASE OUT THE BACK OF YOUR RECLINER AND SHOOT TOWARDS THE BUSH. TO YOUR SURPRISE, IT CONTAINS A BUSH. JEB BUSH. "JEB WHAT THE FUCK" YOU SAY HOISTING HIM OUT OF THE BUSH, GUAC BOWL AND ALL. HE MUMBLES UNDER HIS BREATH, SOMETHING ABOUT THIS GODLESS TRASH LAND TAINTED WITH IMPOSSIBILITY. YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH, YOU TELL HIM TO SNAP OUT OF HIS SOUR MOOD AND TO HELP YOU ESCAPE THIS ISLAND OF ABBOTTS.
JEB DOES A MAJESTIC BACKFLIP OUT OF YOUR GRASP AND LANDS ATOP A NEARBY BOULDER. "FOOL, THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM ABBOTT ISLAND. YOU WILL BE HERE FOREVER AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO LET SOME PUNK JEOPARDISE MY CHANCES OF RESPECT HERE" HE SHOUTS AT YOU, HOLDING HIS GUAC BOWL TO THE HEAVENS ABOVE. A ROAMING TONY NUDGES YOU ON THE SHOULDER AND SAYS "Riot isn't he" WITH A WINK.

JEB POURS HIS CONCOCTION ONTO HIS HEAD, IT IS IMMEDIATELY ABSORBED INTO HIM. HE FALLS TO HIS KNEES AND BEGINS MOANING, IT SEEMS HE IS IN PAIN. HE LOOKS UP AND HIS EYES ARE GLOWING BRIGHTLY. "WHAT THE-" YOU SAY, INTERRUPTED BY A BLAST OF ENERGY FIRED FROM JEBS EYES INTO YOUR SHOULDER. "FUCK!" YOU SHOUT CLUTCHING YOUR NOW BLEEDING SHOULDER WITH A HOLE IN IT.
JEB CONTINUES TO MOAN ON THE FLOOR, GROWING EVER LOUDER, INTO A PRIMAL SCREAM. YOU'VE SEEN ENOUGH, YOU HAVE TO END THIS RIGHT NOW.

YOU SPRING INTO ACTION, LAUNCHING YOURSELF AT JEB WHO IS STILL SCREAMING ON THE FLOOR AND PUNT HIM IN THE SIDE WITH ALL THE POWER YOU CAN MUSTER. THIS SENDS JEB FLYING INTO THE AIR ABOVE YOU SPINNING RAPIDLY. HE IS STILL SCREAMING, THE SAME SCREAM, IT IS AS IF YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING. THE LASER THAT HAS PUT YOUR SHOULDER IN MORTAL DANGER STARTS UP AGAIN, SHOOTING IN ALL DIRECTIONS IN A CIRCLE AROUND JEB IN THE AIR AS HE IS STILL SPINNING QUITE RAPIDLY. YOU SEE SEVERAL TONYBOTS CUT IN HALF BY THIS.
"Shit eh" SAYS THE SAME TONYBOT FROM EARLIER NUDGING YOU AGAIN, AS IT IS SPLIT IN HALF BY A LASER THAT NARROWLY MISSES YOU.

JEB STOPS SPINNING AND SHITTING LASERS ALL OVER THE PLACE, HOVERING IN MID AIR HE SAYS "SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE".
YOU DISAGREE.

HOW WILL YOU DISPOSE OF THIS DISTRACTION.

Spoiler :
I'll be using your suggestion shortly agent
05-20-2017 09:36 AM
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Myeth
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #73
Eternal screeching

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>make a salsa concoction from the blood of fallen Tony Abotts, rub it on your chest while groaning sensually. I mean it won't do anything but it will make Jeb really uncomfortable.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
05-20-2017 10:56 AM
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AgentBlue
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #74
that escalated quickly

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Location: Sunshine, Lollipops and Diabetes
Okay do a kabbalistic reversal on him and make him beb jush

Let me out Stay safe inside | You're not kind | Ethics are overrated | What is life | Men are pigs | I'm so drunk | EAT ME NOW | Click clack fuck | Is this right Only money matters | Change my clothes | Little sun rising | One cat's future | Wax and wane | Dark times ahead
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Superhero 1920s noir | Multigenre Half-Life | Changing the future | Command line interface
Tu ventire felix? | Clockwork for eternity | Explosions in spacetime
05-20-2017 11:06 AM
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NotABear
 RE: ESCAPE: ABBOTT ISLAND
Post: #75
 

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Posts: 20
Joined: Dec 2011
Take whatever is closest to you in a western direction, and combine it with whatever is closest to you in an eastern direction. Then apply it in a northward direction. When you have done this, perform some sort of advanced dodge maneuver to the south, and flush your action buffer so you regenerate faster.
05-25-2017 04:44 AM
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