Eagle Time

Full Version: The Ballad of Adler Young, Canto 2.5
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Quote:>Angela: Considering you swore yourself exclusively into Adler's service, gave him critical information detailing the Vulp Republic's plans, and sabotaged some of their operations for Adler's benefit, and considering you are still technically an elf and cannot lie, whatever "Teh Plan" is, it doesn't seem to be working in the Republic's best interest.

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"Thats watt U wood think but ud bee wrong LOL," Angela smugly stated, apparently in response to a comment that only she could hear. "Teh Plan is totes mysterious & inscrutable. It cant B scruted N its entirety, not even by teh wisest View Masters!! Ours is not 2 question Teh Plan but simply 2 do our part. Teh Plans plans will work out N teh fullness of time."

Quote:>Ixies: Continue your exposition dump while also giving Adler feedback on his decorating.
>Adler: Some of these, more of those, tilt this one a little, some good lighting over there, what do they think about a water feature?

"The rabbits forbid dancing and games," my Ixies informed me. "They do not allow any musical instruments, and the only songs permitted are religious hymns. They oppose venery outside of wedlock, and even within wedlock allow it only for the purpose of procreation."

"They sound downright anti-Mephitist," I remarked. "What do you think about a blackberry bush along that side, and a birdbath here, with a trellis behind it?"

"It seemeth a bit busy to me," Typantronn remarked. "But the shrub arrangement from this angle looketh excellent."

Quote:Angela: Oh god you are seeing... your superior standing not ten feet from you... holding a fly swatter, flee, FLEE!
Ixies: Restrain her, why does she keep doing this.

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"AIEEE!! SALV CHESSWICK!!1!!!" Angela shrieked suddenly. "No, I swear I didnt blab anything of a confidential nature! Elfs do not lye!! NO PLEEZ, NOT TEH SWATTER!!!!!!1!"

"Can somebody take her someplace quiet where she can calm down?" I asked, testily. "Her inane jabbering is making it hard to concentrate on my work."

With a collective sigh, several Ixies gathered around Angela and escorted her a short way into the woods.

Quote:One tree is simply so overcome ... that he is reduced to ... weeping.

0415sprucehelp.gif

Once it got quiet, I realized I could hear the small spruce tree sobbing pathetically.

"Please put me back," it pleaded. "An ancient magick forbids us from growing within the circle. I'm too young to die!"
>Adler: Never let an opportunity go to waste. Remember, the only time anything has ever worked in your favor was when you did things the unseelie way. You could put the tree back, but what will it do for you in return?
>Lil' Sprucey: You'll do anything! ANYTHING! You are new, you swore no oath and owe no allegiance to the other trees. You were a normal sapling before the other's shanghaied you into whatever is going on.
>Adler: It seems the trees that were here before your wardens showed up are not happy about the encroachers. The situation might be right for a bark ridden tree civil war... Wow, what a dumb sentence.
>Adler: The most success you've ever had was turning people against each other. Keep using what works. Tell the spruce to spread word among the trees that don't like taking orders from a bunch of deranged militants that if they fight for you, they will be liberated. ¡Viva La Treevolution!
Adler: Use this tree to your advantage, he is young and very impressionable, you think you can convince him to go against his masters and possibly create a larger insurrection among his people. Also you think that these rabbits being a bunch of veggie/fruit eaters would not make trees (especially apple trees) very happy.
Angela: Begin running from the other ixies in terror believing that they are a vast swarm of miniature versions of your angry mother.
Ixies: Tire yourselves out trying to capture your deranged sister.
> Someone somewhere: start wondering if "Teh plan" really trully is that. It feels more like a concept
>It would be be ultimate deception, that can be said by elves because they have no idea it's a deception.
>A mistake ? art of teh plan. Workingat cross purpose ? Part of teh plan ? A success for some pointles goals ? part of teh pla. A vast deception that allow them to as chaotic and decieving as they want while still amaintaining an identity as a state alway jsutified by "teh pan".
>... In short they've outfoxed themselves and are totaly winging it...
>Or ...was it part of teh plan to make you beleve that all allong ?!
>Darnit, now you're doing it too !

Quote:Angela: Begin running from the other ixies in terror believing that they are a vast swarm of miniature versions of your angry mother.
Ixies: Tire yourselves out trying to capture your deranged sister.
start wondering if "Teh plan" really trully is that.

"NOOOO SALV!!" Angela screeched somewhere in the bushes nearby, followed by lots of buzzing and crashing around. "Why R their sew MINI of U?? Its true I wanted 2 B an Ixie but I swear I havent strayed from Teh Plan!!1!"

"There is no Plan!" another Ixie yelled amid sounds of a struggle. "We're all just winging it!"

I shook my head and turned my attention back to the quivering spruce.

Quote:>Adler: Never let an opportunity go to waste. You could put the tree back, but what will it do for you in return?
>Lil' Sprucey: You'll do anything! ANYTHING! You are new, you swore no oath and owe no allegiance to the other trees. You were a normal sapling before the other's shanghaied you into whatever is going on.

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"What's this about not being allowed in the circle?" I demanded.

"It's true! This ground is off limits! If we were allowed to grow here, we would have taken it over long ago. If I stay much longer, I shall perish!"

"And why should I put you back?" I snarled, pressing my advantage. "You trees have all but declared yourselves my enemies, keeping me isolated on the orders of General Bonsai, or maybe the Duchess, I don't know which!"

"Not I! I am barely more than a seedling! I swore no sap-oath and I owe no allegiance to the interlopers who came here from Percysthorpe. They do not honor the Tulge!"

"If I put you back, will you serve me?" I demanded.

"Yes! Command me, my lord."

Quote:>Adler: It seems the trees that were here before your wardens showed up are not happy about the encroachers. The situation might be right for a bark ridden tree civil war
>Adler: The most success you've ever had was turning people against each other. Keep using what works. Tell the spruce to spread word among the trees that don't like taking orders from a bunch of deranged militants
Adler: Use this tree to your advantage, he is young and very impressionable, you think you can convince him to go against his masters and possibly create a larger insurrection

0422nyeheheh.gif

I liked the sound of that! Why shouldn't I be the Lord of the Forest? That was a fitting title for an elf, and it would certainly impress my cultists!

"Very well," I chuckled. "I shall replace you in your wonted spot, if you spread the word among your leafy brethren that I am rightful master of Albric Tor. Serve me, and I shall treat you well. Cross me, and the consequences will be dire!"

"As you wish, my lord."

I very carefully apported the little spruce back into the place from whence I had taken it. I then proceeded to make a similar bargain with the other shrubs and vines I had moved.

When all that was done, without shrubbery the rest of my landscaping efforts looked tawdry and feeble, so I cleared the circle of clutter and opted instead for a single weathered stone basin full of water, standing in front of the dolmen. It was simple, but overall a more effective use of the space.

I mentally reviewed the situation to see if there was anything else I needed to do to prepare for my cult members' arrival...

SpoilerShow
>Adler: Yes there are still a few things. You need to clean yourself up. To be perfectly honest, you look like you've been living in a hole in the woods. Clean yourself and your clothes.
>Adler: You're going to need to employ showmanship with your cultists. All the lowfolk you've met so far only responded positively to you when you played along with their odd beliefs about elves, otherwise, they just complained about what they thought you should be. They think you're a magical god-wizard of hair? Put your pride on the back burner and indulge it. If it makes them loyal to you, indulge all of it. You can start correcting their flawed beliefs once they are unquestionably in your thrall.
>Adler: Call your Ixies and have a meeting. Plan out a grand entrance to really wow them. You have bottles of high quality elven shampoo and conditioner, try and incorporate those into your entrance. Like Moses descending from the mountain with the Ten Commandments, only with hair products instead.
Adler: Demand your Ixies build effigies of you with amazing hair around the Dolmen.
Ixies: You have never built an effigy of your father before, well time to give it a shot. All the effigies you build are very unstable creations, they look like they will fall over with a slight breeze
Cultists: On your way to meet you lovely godly hairy master, you are bushwacked by the heathen rabbits! You fight them off but are terribly wounded and a couple of cultists are wounded, you hope your hairy master will save them if you can make it in time.
Adler: You have your work cut out for you.

Quote:>Adler: Yes there are still a few things. You need to clean yourself up. To be perfectly honest, you look like you've been living in a hole in the woods. Clean yourself and your clothes.
>Adler: You're going to need to employ showmanship with your cultists. All the lowfolk you've met so far only responded positively to you when you played along with their odd beliefs about elves

Should I tidy myself up, I wondered? I didn't feel especially dirty, and I thought that my slightly weathered state might convey a certain scruffy charm. Besides, didn't lowfolk think of us elves as wild nature spirits? The rabbit priest (priestess?) I had encountered outside the antglade was absolutely filthy, and that was a respected religious leader! Clearly, they did not place cleanliness next to godliness! Then again, mine was a cult that valued sartorial excellence .. Oak had looked neat & spiffy when I saw her. She smelled nice too .. which reminded me, hadn't one of them - Rowan, or that, that .. OTHER femme I didn't want to think about .. somebody, as I dimly recollected, had at one point called me a "smelly hobo."

That clinched it. Some grooming was in order.

0429brush.gif

I pulled my brushes out of Elfintory and got to work, using some water from my decorative basin. I also applied a cantrip to make my green satin suit shine like a lizard's scales. After a bit of work, I thought I looked quite dashing, and my Ixies agreed (those who weren't busy restraining Angela somewhere in the bushes nearby.)

Quote:Plan out a grand entrance to really wow them. You have bottles of high quality elven shampoo
Adler: Demand your Ixies build effigies of you with amazing hair around the Dolmen.
Ixies: You have never built an effigy of your father before

"OOH," I said, suddenly getting an idea. "What if you built a large statue of me? That would give a pretty impressive effect."

"With what would we make it, Sire?" Typantronn replied. "And at what scale? We've little more than a day in which to work."

"Twould come across a bit self-aggrandizing," another Ixie pointed out.

"And what's wrong with that?" I retorted.

"Why distract from thine own greatness, Sire?"

"Good point," I conceded. Indeed, why rely on cheap props when it was I myself who was truly great? They should be focused on me, not on a bunch of slapped-together effigies! I needed to think of an impressive entrance to really wow the cultists when they arrived. Their journey through the thick forest would set a tone of anticipation .. then they would emerge to see .. what? Aside from my own majestic presence, what assets did I have to work with?

I had the circle, with its sparse decoration .. a gang of helpful Ixies .. and a bottle of elvish shampoo.

0429welcome.gif

After a brief brainstorming session, we decided it would be most impressive for me to rise from the weeds atop the central dolmen, amid a swarm of butterflies, and shout "WELCOME!" in a booming voice. I would save the shampoo to bestow upon the cultists later, after the ice was broken.

The Ixies wrangled butterflies and we did a few practice runs. We all had it down pretty good by the middle of the next afternoon.

Quote:Adler: You have your work cut out for you.

0429theycome.gif

"Quick everybody!" I hissed as I heard rustling in the woods, not far away. Suddenly I was extremely nervous. "Get to your places! They're coming!"
>Lowfolk Worshipers: Arrive in high spirits.
>Adler: Make your big entrance. "Welcome!"
>Worshipers: "Hi, there. We're looking for Lord Ramble the Hair God. Do you know him?"
>Adler: *Heavy Sigh* "Yes, I'm the one known as Lord Ramble. You're looking for me."
>Worshipers: "Oh, okay."
>Everyone: Stand there awkwardly for a few minutes.
>Everyone: What now?

Quote:>Lowfolk Worshipers: Arrive in high spirits.
>Adler: Make your big entrance. "Welcome!"

"Wow, there it is," one of the group exclaimed as they stomped through the bushes.

"I had heard stories that this place existed, but I never fully believed them," another murmured in tones of wonder.

Well, this was my moment.

0506welcome.gif

"WELCOME, DISCIPLES," I bellowed, as a few butterflies fluttered around me. Confound it! The swarm had been much more impressive when we were rehearsing!

Quote:>Worshipers: "Hi, there. We're looking for Lord Ramble the Hair God. Do you know him?"
>Adler: *Heavy Sigh* "Yes, I'm the one known as Lord Ramble. You're looking for me."
>Worshipers: "Oh, okay."
>Everyone: Stand there awkwardly for a few minutes.

0506thatshim.gif

"Oh hey there fella," the male of the group called up to me. "We're looking for Lord Ramble the majestic hair elf. Do you know where he is?"

"That's him, Toby," Oak whispered.

"Really? That guy??"

"Yes! I told you to keep your expectations low!"

"I AM HE WHO IS KNOWN AS LORD RAMBLE," I intoned, trying to ignore their dispiriting exchange. "YOU NEED SEEK NO FURTHER! WELCOME TO MY SANCTUM."

"Whatever you did to the forest, My Lord," Oak declared at me, "I thank you. It was much easier getting here than it was the last time."

Quote:Cultists: On your way to meet you lovely godly hairy master, you are bushwacked by the heathen rabbits!

0506surprise.gif

Whatever she was going to say next was interrupted by someone shouting "WITCHES!!" from somewhere just beyond the edge of the circle.
>A Single Rabbit dressed like a rebellious goth falls out of the brush. She's pretty roughed up. It seems she didn't have as easy a time getting through the trees as your followers.
>Roughed up Rabbit: "WITCHES!!!"
>Hair Followers: "We're not witches, we're hairdressers."
>Rabbit: Oh, start whining that you thought they were witches and you wanted to join them. You're tired of living in that stuffy town with those stuffy bunnies. You want to dance naked in the woods, sacrifice goats to the dark lord, and cast hexes on everyone who was mean to you in school. It's just not  FAIR!
>Adler: Opportunity knocks! You may have just found a double agent who can infiltrate those rabbits for you. She looks tired and thirsty. Magic up a drink and listen to her sob story. Impress her with that elfy magic and charm. She wants to be a witch that worships daemons? You'll do her one better, why not be a hairdresser that worships an elf?

Quote:>A Single Rabbit dressed like a rebellious goth falls out of the brush. She's pretty roughed up. It seems she didn't have as easy a time getting through the trees as your followers.
>Roughed up Rabbit: "WITCHES!!!"

A young rabbit femme in very tattered clothing emerged from the bushes and pointed at us as she yelled in triumph: "WITCHES! I KNEW IT!!"

Quote:>Hair Followers: "We're not witches, we're hairdressers."

"We're not witches," Oak retorted. "We're hairdressers."

"Apprentices to our elven master up there," Toby added helpfully.

Quote:>Rabbit: Oh, start whining that you thought they were witches and you wanted to join them. You're tired of living in that stuffy town with those stuffy bunnies. You want to dance naked in the woods, sacrifice goats to the dark lord, and cast hexes on everyone who was mean to you in school. It's just not FAIR!

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"AWWWWW," the rabbit whined. "I was hoping you were witches meeting out here in secret to perform your unspeakable rituals! I wanna join! I'm so sick of living with my dumb parents in that dumb town with our dumb church telling us what to do all the time. I want to participate in orgiastic rites, dance naked, sacrifice feral animals, cast wicked spells on my enemies, and be feared yet desired by all! You can't really be hairdressers .. what kind of hairdressers meet in an ancient stone circle in the middle of the woods? It isn't easy getting here."

"Believe it or not, hairdressers is what we are - or at least what we aspire to be," Oak sniffed. "If you wish to join us, you'll have to clean yourself up a lot. You're a mess."

"The outfit looked a lot better when I left," the rabbit protested. "But I had to fight my way through heavy tulge to find you .. gee, all of you guys look great. You must have used some kind of magic! Please let me join you! I'll do anything!"

"Perhaps it would be a fitting demonstration of our lord's power to make this wretched girl presentable," the sheep theorized.

"Whatever!" the rabbit exclaimed. "As long as it gets me out of Bunkirk!"

Quote:>Adler: Opportunity knocks! You may have just found a double agent who can infiltrate those rabbits for you. Impress her with that elfy magic and charm. She wants to be a witch that worships daemons? You'll do her one better, why not be a hairdresser that worships an elf?

0513consider.gif

Hmm .. now this was a bit of luck! It would certainly be useful to have a defector from the rabbits' society as one of my followers.

"Of course," I declared magnanimously. "You are welcome here! Clear a space around the Basin and let the new acolyte come forward."

0513again.gif

Before anyone could move, we were interrupted by someone else shouting "WITCHES!" from the undergrowth.
(Second Intruder) Turn out to have a violent case of hay-fever, with your sneezes sounding like you're shouting "WITCHES!"
(Second Intruder) Plead for relief from the Great White Skunk.
(HSH Prince Adler) Prescribe a special bowl of stew with a Secret Ingredient.
(Secret Ingredient) Be aphids.
(Special Bowl of Stew) Cure the hay-fever, improbably.
(Montage Sequence) Demonstrate how Adler can do a makeover like no other skunk in Faerie (still living).
>More Rabbits Emerge from the brush, just as tattered as the first.
>Goth Rabbit: "Mom, Dad?!"
>Ma & Pa: "You are GROUNDED, missy!"
>Hair Worshipers: Ask the goth rabbit if she was followed.
>Goth Rabbit: You didn't think you were, you were trying to be discrete. Well, mostly. You may have had a teeny-tiny argument with your parents, in the middle of town in front of everyone, and you may have shouted out your intentions to spite them by joining that coven of witches in the woods, at the stone circle, right here on this map.
>Ma & Pa: She also kept shouting on most of her journey here. It's good you got here when you did, it looks like you interrupted these witches before they could sacrifice that helpless, innocent little girl up there on the dolmen.
>Adler: Your eye begins twitching and you start grinding your teeth.
(Thuggish Wabbit) Suggest that "witches get stitches."
(Cultists) Be very, very frightened.
(HSH Prince Adler) You got this.
(HSH Prince Adler) Cast a spell to open up a preserved bottle of kick-tail.
(HSH Prince Adler) Owing to interference, spell take a very strange course.
(Spell) Cause massive growth and colour-change in the fur of the thuggish wabbits. (Cp. "Tintin in the Land of Black Gold.")
(HSH Prince Adler) More or less say you meant to do that.
(Cultists) Oooooooooooooh at the Master's control of fur.
(Thuggish Wabbits) Swear revenge, which would be more scary if you weren't horribly tangled up in undergrowth.
(One Thuggish Wabbit) Be converted to Adler's service.

Quote:(Second Intruder) Turn out to have a violent case of hay-fever, with your sneezes sounding like you're shouting "WITCHES!"
>More Rabbits Emerge from the brush
Pa: "You are GROUNDED, missy!"
(Thuggish Wabbit) Suggest that "witches get stitches."

"Who's over there?" I yelled at the interloper.

"Way to go, Abner," somebody muttered scornfully as several rabbits emerged from the bushes. "You cost us the element of surprise."

0520wabbits.gif

"I'm sorry," a rabbit (presumably Abner) mumbled as he wiped his nose. "I can't help it! I'm allergic to tulge!" He sneezed violently, and it sounded like he was shouting "WITCHES!"

"Why did you let these troublemakers through?" I asked the trees subtly with Elfmind.

"What could we do to stop them? They have agricultural implements and fire!"

I squinted into the undergrowth and noticed there were more rabbits further back, in the shadows. Some of them, indeed, seemed to be holding torches.

"Rebecca!" the pitchfork-wielding rabbit yelled. "You are in a heap of trouble, young lady! You're coming home this instant!"

Quote:>Goth Rabbit: You may have had a teeny-tiny argument with your parents, in the middle of town in front of everyone, and you may have shouted out your intentions to spite them by joining that coven of witches in the woods, at the stone circle
Pa: She also kept shouting on most of her journey here. It's good you got here when you did, it looks like you interrupted these witches before they could sacrifice that helpless, innocent little girl up there on the dolmen.
(Cultists) Be very, very frightened.

0520distress.gif

"No way, Dad!" Rebecca screeched back at him. "Like I told you already, I'm done with Bunkirk! These are my new friends and we're all going to serve the Evil One together!"

"Don't tell him that!" the cat with the long black hair hissed in alarm.

"WITCHES!!" Rebecca's dad bellowed. "I knew it all along! Come, brothers, let's put a stop to their evil ways! We'll burn them alive and tear down this unholy circle of stones, and rescue that innocent girl they've trapped atop the dolmen for their hideous sacrifice!"

"That doesn't sound good at all," the sheep bleated.

"Being burned simply won't go with my look," Toby pointed out.

"YOU JUST TRY IT!" Rebecca yelled. "I DARE YOU! WE'LL TURN YOU ALL INTO NEWTS!"

"Lord Ramble," Oak beseeched me, "I brought these people here at your request. If you intend to be a cult leader, DO SOMETHING! Protect us from those horrible rabbits!"

Quote:(HSH Prince Adler) You got this.

0520takeaim.gif

I was already on it. The moment that cretinous lagomorph had called me a little girl, my bow was out of my Elfintory and I was drawing a bead on his dumb rabbit heart.
>Adler: Consider growing a moustache or something.
>Adler: Don't kill them, instead elfshot them into a stupor and transmogrify them into something more useful. That will be a perfect way of demonstrating your powers to your followers and conscripting more servants. You can always use more hairdressers. Plus it's a perfectly poetic way to punish them for calling you a little girl.
>Followers: Be VERY impressed and start showering Lord Ramble with praise.
>New Hairdressers: Eek!
>Adler: Warn them that their old lives are over and if they try running off, they will have nothing to go back to and no one will believe them. Do they want to be burned alive by their previous neighbors?
>Followers: Tell them to stick with you guys, there are a lot more benefits to serving Ramble than some dumb Cosmic Ram. They might like it better this way.
>As Cathartic as transmogrifying anyone who calls you a little girl into just that, or hairdressers (...can you even transmogrify people into a job ?) , or related transformations, would probably feel; this is going to be every lowfolk you meet at this rate.
>Face it, at this point there's probably something about lowfolks that stop them from recognizing you as the deeply manly elf that you are.
>Anyway, elfshoting the threes in the front is fine (you can use them) but there's a whole /group/ of them back there, you're gonna run out of energy before you're done with them all.
> The tree won't attack them because they have fire, uh ? (Oh did the trees even mange to take Percythrope then, didn't they ave torched there ?)
>Use grammayre on a cloud above the rabbits to tun it into a stormy raincloud, make it rain. That'll deal with the fire and let the plants deal with the group in the back (also the thinder sounds will be great to look angry godly and witchy and elfy and whatever)
(05-23-2020, 11:13 AM)smuchmuch Wrote: [ -> ]> (...can you even transmogrify people into a job ?)

Sure an' it's easy to do, me boyo.  All it takes is a few wee moments of yer spare time, an' a fee of one gold bravo payable to the Silverbrush School of Job Enhancement, an' before ye know it, ye'll be advancin' through th' job ranks.  Please pay cash, moind, as Oi'm between bankin' houses.

[Insert picture of matchbook advertisement HERE.]
(05-27-2020, 09:00 PM)MasterofElfhame Wrote: [ -> ]
[Insert picture of matchbook advertisement HERE. Wrote:pid='241750' dateline='1590232430']

Hee!  :)

Quote:>Adler: Consider growing a moustache or something.
punish them for calling you a little girl.
>Face it, at this point there's probably something about lowfolks that stop them from recognizing you as the deeply manly elf that you are.
>Anyway, elfshoting the threes in the front is fine

0527elfshot.gif

Quicker than it takes to tell, FWIP FWIP FWIP!! I Elf-shot the first three rabbits with magick arrows. It served them right, for calling me a little girl! Though I wondered for a moment if this was going to be a problem I was going to encounter with most lowfolk from now on. They did seem generally to be too crude and barbaric to notice my masculine, elfly qualities. Perhaps I should invest in some sort of obvious male signifier that even their dull minds could comprehend. What happened to that false mustache I had earlier? Sometime later, when I had a moment, I needed to look for it .. but right now, I had a gang of trespassing rabbits to deal with.

0527aghast.gif

"DAD! NOOO!!" Rebecca screamed as the three bunnies keeled over. "YOU KILLED HIM!"

"He's only Elf-shot," I snapped. "He'll be fine. But why are you so squeamish? I thought the reason you came out here was to do evil!"

"Yeah, but -"

"If you go to his aid," I warned, "then you will be siding with my enemies, and can never join us."

She looked crestfallen and bewildered, but she stayed where she was.

Meanwhile, after the initial shock of seeing their front line fall, the rabbits farther back began to rally.

"If I put out their fires," I thought at the trees, "will you deal with them?"

"Gladly," came the rustling reply.

Quote:>Use grammayre on a cloud above the rabbits to tun it into a stormy raincloud, make it rain. That'll deal with the fire and let the plants deal with the group in the back (also the thinder sounds will be great to look angry godly and witchy and elfy and whatever)

0527spellcast.gif

I composed a hasty Gramarye on a cloud passing overhead, and commanded it to become a rainstorm. Lightning and thunder would have been nice for dramatic effect, but I had to work fast so I made do with a drenching downpour and a Commanding Gesture from atop the dolmen.

Quote:>Followers: Be VERY impressed

"I have to admit, I'm impressed," Toby remarked, as the sound of rain was replaced by the sound of a scuffle.

"I would describe myself as more surprised than anything else," Oak murmured quietly in between distant yells of terror and sickening wet cracks from the undergrowth.

"It's not exactly hairdressing," the sheep bleated. "But it's effective for this situation."
>Well it' jsut as well that this rabbit girl isn't that much into evil, you dodn't want to get unseelie after all. (...well not much)
>No tell the trees to not go too crazy there, a few flesh wonds and the occasional broekn bones should do.
>Now to punish the interlopers, you will curse them in a way that befit the god of a hairdressing cult

>To their leader who called you a little girl: A mass or adorable golden curls tied with big ribbons into adorable pigtails
>To the sneezing one: Ptemature partial baldness
>And to thugish one with the scythe: The worse haircut known to elf and lowfolk alike: The dreaded mullet. For life !
>Adler: If the trees leave any survivors, have him brought to you. If you can't plant a shoe on him then send him home, it would be a great way to implicate Jerry's shoe-cult. If no one has a shoe, and you really are dead set against producing one, you can just scramble his mind and have everyone chant "shoes" at him for a while.
>Adler: Now then, you're establishing this as a rule right now. Anyone who mistakes you for a little girl gets to be a little girl. Dispense justice on these three rabbits who dared question your manliness.

Quote:>No tell the trees to not go too crazy there, a few flesh wonds and the occasional broekn bones should do.
>Adler: If the trees leave any survivors, have him brought to you.

0603elfmind.gif

"Easy now," I cautioned the trees via Elfmind. "Try not to kill them. I want them to return to their village with tales of horror. A few bruises and broken bones should suffice, then hustle them on home."

"Those three in the front who fell," I shouted. "Bring their bodies into the circle so that I may decide their fate."

The cultists dragged the unconscious rabbits into the clearing.

Quote:>Now to punish the interlopers, you will curse them in a way that befit the god of a hairdressing cult

0603dowithyou.gif

I pooked down to the ground and stood over the interlopers as I pondered what to do with them.

"Please be merciful," Rebecca whimpered. "That's my dad."

"I shall not harm him," I grumbled. "But he must be punished for daring to come here and interfere with my affairs."

Quote:>Well it' jsut as well that this rabbit girl isn't that much into evil, you dodn't want to get unseelie after all.
>To their leader who called you a little girl: A mass or adorable golden curls tied with big ribbons into adorable pigtails
>To the sneezing one: Ptemature partial baldness
>And to thugish one with the scythe: The worse haircut known to elf and lowfolk alike: The dreaded mullet.
If you can't plant a shoe on him then send him home, it would be a great way to implicate Jerry's shoe-cult. If no one has a shoe, and you really are dead set against producing one, you can just scramble his mind and have everyone chant "shoes" at him for a while.
>Adler: Now then, you're establishing this as a rule right now. Anyone who mistakes you for a little girl gets to be a little girl. Dispense justice on these three rabbits who dared question your manliness.

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But what would be the most appropriate punishment? My first inclination was to play some traditional elfly pranks on them: Stitch their pants legs together, fill their pockets with porridge, and paint ridiculous patterns on their faces, then dump them somewhere deep in the forest where they would wake up disoriented and confused.

But that might not impress my followers, who were quietly watching me to see what I would do.

Transmogrifying them all would be too much hassle, and besides - as in Oak's case, it might wind up not being much of a punishment.

Perhaps I should try to frame Jerry's shoe cult for this? If I put shoes on the intruders and sent them packing with shoe-related chants ringing in their ears, then they would be certain to misplace the blame for their misadventure. But then again, would that just wind up bolstering the shoe cult's reputation? A furtive glance revealed no shoes on any of the feet I could see, and I was not about to magickally create shoes. Doing so would be disgraceful! And it would no doubt be doubly unwise to involve my new cult in any shoe-related rituals, even for the sake of obfuscation. No, these people were here for the sake of HAIR (except for Rebecca, who had come for the sake of evil but didn't seem very committed to the idea.)

This still left me in a quandary though. What would be a suitable hair-related punishment? Baldness? A mullet? Dreadlocks? What sort of impression would it leave on my followers if they saw me giving someone a BAD hairdo? Even if that person was my enemy? But if I gave them glamorous hairstyles, would that not be seen as a reward rather than a punishment?

I had to do SOMETHING! My cultists were watching, and I could sense them starting to become restless.