I need help.

I need help.
#1
I need help.
My previous thread in this forum went largely unread, as far as I can tell. I did get contacted by a few supportive souls, though. One of them asked if they should call attention to the thread, but I was too anxious to agree to that.

Since you may not be interested in that thread before this one, I will make a very quick summary.

I have strong disagreements with the mod team, and their past behavior has made me feel uncomfortable being in a space where they have authority. Last year, I made an effort to discuss these disagreements with Mirdini. It did not work out and I felt even worse.

So, I have sadly concluded my only option is to leave. But there is unfinished business which has caused me to drag my feet on actually making my exit, and I have been struggling for far too long to attempt to deal with it. I have concluded it is more than I can handle on my own, so this is a request for help.

The first and most important thing is that I want to reconnect with my friends.
Due to emotional distress, I retreated from every part of this community, but in the end, my problems are with moderation, not with the community as a whole. There are people I've missed, and I've withdrawn from them. Nothing makes me feel worse about this period of absence and silence than how little I did to let people know I wasn't okay.
So, this is an open offer. If you consider me a friend, feel free to contact me somehow and we'll work something out about staying in touch. I plan to set up a Discord server just for convenience, but I'm okay with people not joining that and just talking to me through DMs if they'd prefer.
I wish I had the emotional strength to make the first move in contacting individual people, but unfortunately I don't.

The second thing is that I want to write up my complaints and post them here, so everyone can know why I left.
Unfortunately, going over the key events causes me a lot of anxiety. As a result, so far I've only managed to write anything at all about it by being much vaguer than I would like to be.
I feel it has taken me far too long to do this, and I cannot get over the hurdles on my own. I am looking for any sort of help that people can provide here, even if it's just lending a sympathetic ear and occasionally prodding me so I don't stall on it for even longer than I already have.

Third, whatever else I do, I intend to continue Swamped. I have been posting it on this forum purely out of inertia.
I want to set up my own webspace so I can continue it there, but transferring it over is a lot of work and I would appreciate  help with getting it done. Not to mention there are people here who have better design sense than I do and might be able to make the site look nice.
I may transfer other works over, but this is the main priority.

Thank you to anyone who responds.
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#2
RE: I need help.
Yeah...

At the risk of putting the unsaid into words and reopening old wounds in the process, I uh... I really fucking miss Sunspider. It hasn't been the same here without her, and I still occasionally cry about her, including, coincidentally, about an hour before I saw this post. I know things will never be the same here again, that at least some of what happened was her own fault, and she herself has said she's long moved on, but... I don't know. I just want to be able to talk to her and invite her into servers with my friends without it being a big thing, even if she never rejoins the main group.

Anyway.

I'm really sorry to hear that you haven't been doing well, Fogel. You and I never really interacted all that much, but you were always a kind of reassuring pillar of the community for me, one of those familiar faces that was always there, always at least a little active. I hope you can get well soon, and best of luck with wherever you go next.
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#3
RE: I need help.
I'm here to listen to shit if shit needs to be listened to. Stay in touch Fogel, you've been here for as long as I remember.
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#4
RE: I need help.
Acknowledging post read.

You've been a big part of this community for as far back as I can remember, it's strange and sad to see that time come to an end. I hope the steps you are taking will be cathartic.

Queue: Homework. Destress/gather energy. Gather thoughts. Post thoughts.
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#5
RE: I need help.
The events of 2019 were emotionally exhausting. I've certainly been less active myself.

If the act of writing them down is difficult, sometimes changing your method can help get out of your mental block a bit. My preferred method is speaking (recording) then transcribing and editing. Freewriting by hand might also work for you, or speaking with someone else to get the core ideas down.

I'm no expert on webspaces, but last I heard Wordpress was competent and accessible.

Regarding the first post...

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#6
RE: I need help.
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I really appreciate that you tried to say something. It's okay if it wasn't as helpful as you hoped.
There's a reason I mentioned reconnecting with people separately from asking for direct support. I just want to get back in touch with my friends, and I don't want to tie that up in settling my accounts here.

Just in general, in case anybody has any doubts: If you want to talk to me, talk to me. I won't bring up any of this mess if you don't want me to.
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#7
RE: I need help.
i saw the last post, but i didn't know what to say so i said nothing. i've drifted(?) from eagle time in general because it's not too active anymore, and i think i got here "late" so i didn't really have time to interact and get to know anyone. i'm not too sure what to do to help, but i might be open to listen on discord
EGGS AND UPGRADED EGGSShow
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#8
RE: I need help.
I have zero idea of what this is about and it's probably none of my business but the thing that is extremely important to me is your well being because you are a good friend and a cool person. I'm sorry for not reaching out as often. I might not be able to help with anything regarding those past issues but maybe I can help you rebuild and reconnect, I'll be in touch with ya.
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